“Gray, black and white, with a smudge of iridescent colors on an awkward place”, that’s how Rika described me back in high school, a classmate, not even a friend, I don’t know if I can consider her as one though, but that’s how she described me when we teamed up in a pair report, saying I can talk to people just fine so why am always staying away. Not that I minded it, but, every now and then I actually think about what she said that day, I don’t really get what she is referring to, I mean, isn’t this normal? We choose what we like to do, and as long as we don’t step on other people along the way, things just go on, although, yes, it comes into mind at times, people, “friends”, I remember having some back in my childhood days but, things are blurry, I don’t even remember why I became like this, but then again, it’s good for me, it’s normal, not standing out, not bullied, no bonds, no interactions than needed, works really REALLY good I’d say, get in normally, proceed normally, exit normally, I want friends but, thinking about the pros and cons for some reason I feel more of the latter, I don’t know why, bu I start getting really uncomfortable when it comes to relationships for some reason I could not even describe it. Whatever I guess.
“yoooo MAAAAAAAAAAAAC GET THAT ALARRRRMMM OOOOOOOFFFFFF! SOME PEOPLE NEED MORE SLEEEP!” says of my room mate, I live in a dorm, with this guy, Jun, a 3rd year in the uni I enrolled to, this guy partied all night last night came back around 2am, I think he does not have classes in the morning, this dude is like a definition of a party guy, long blonde orangey-ish hair, I can’t even define it, so much clothes I swear his closet is packed! Says fashion is a big thing specially with how other people perceives you, so much shoes toooo, he a centipede or what. Well, leave him alone I guess, since he is a nice guy, talked to him much yesterday when I arrived in the dorm. Time to take that shower and get ready.
So, first day of college, man, pain in the ass, I have no idea what my schedules are coz I was dumb enough not to even go to school after enrolling and submitting my requirements, they said some classes start at 7am, getting up at 6am is a way to go I think, then have to proceed to where the scheds are posted, and find my way to the classrooms of this bigass uni, I don’t think I’ll have much problems, not that I will actually have a class at 7am, there’s low chances of it happening, gonna check the scheds and maybe kill some time in a café or something, or so I thought.
Yup, there it is, the schedules board, now just have to look for my student number aaaaaaaand THERE IT ISSSS THERE IT ISSSSS Nice going raising flags Mac, goddamn blood almost ran down from my face when I saw the scheds, I HAVE A CLASS AT 7 ON A GODDAMN MONDAYYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYY. Holy crap, RB306, where’s this shit? RB may be the building code and 306 is the room, so most likely a 3rd floor, okay, calm down, just have to look for the building location, errr, grabbing my phone from my pocket to check as it may as well be on the maps app, aaaaaaand I CAN’T FIND IT IN MAPSSSSSS APP, should have known, maps is not so specific, I may need to give submissions on the maps, it may help dumb people like me in the future, and will also let me remember places since I am directionally challenged most of the time. Now, now, “hello, ermmm, can I ask you something, please?” (HOLY CRAPPPP, I just went and asked whoever is closest to me aaaaand it’s a pretty girl, not that I’m bad at talking to them or to anyone, I may prefer being alone but I am at least really good with my communication skills *proud expressions in his imagination* but most of these creatures, ugh, they almost always think they are getting hit at when someone talks to them, especially if it’s an average joe looking guy, like me, yup, just like me, I don’t wanna have troubles at the first day so, gotta do this fast and then scram) “Oh, yeah, sure, what is it. Mister” (SHE CALLED ME A MISTERRRR, do I look that old, she did not have to put that mister at the end, YOOOO) “Yeah, umm, sorry to bother you but I’m a freshman, and I apparently have a class at 7am, and I have no idea where this RB306 is, and that, it’s 5minutes before getting late for me.” so I tell my tragic tale, “Oh! Umm, we are actually the same, I’m a freshman too and also, same room, and also, I…have no idea where it is…..” answering me and slightly tilting your head to your left and your eyes going leftwards with that half, depressed smile… “yup, I’m in trouble on my first day….” I murmured softly “’you’, you mean we” “eh? Yeah ‘we’ but…. AH CRAP DID I SAY IT OUT LOUD?!” “yeshhh you didddd sirrr, not too loud but I at least heard it.” that sarcastic expression and tone, I don’t hate it but not necessarily like it, and I can’t tell if she thinks I’m dumb or she just kidding around for the sake of the conversation’s flow, but hell she cute oooofufuf, “We better ask someone huh, coz, right, this board here is apparently for freshmen, guess it’s my bad asking someone standing closest to me, I’m going to head off and look for some people at least standing in front of scheds boards that are for 2nd years and stuff.” “ugh, WAIT!” “yeah?” “I’m going with you!” and so…I now have a tag along, god, I can talk to people, but someone tagging along me, the fuck do I do? The fuck do I say? This is awkward, and I was so proud of my communication skills too, a few meters to go, KILL MEEEEE.
“So, uhm, you’re in nursing too, eh? Quite rare for a guy to be on this course to be honest, I mean I know I saw lots of male nurses but, I’m curious, I never asked them but can I ask you why did you pick this course?” she asks with that big curious smile, dear god… “ermm, well, the thing is, I, ugh,, okay, to be honest, coz it had the shortest line during the enrolments” yup nice going for a guy who had all the time in the world to think about his future, getting hit by his laziness and just decides to enroll to a course that had the shortest line, kill me. “AHAHHAHAHHAHA WHAAAAT? You kidding me!” “I wish I was” *long awkward silence* yup, I hate this…. “Oh look, there’s the 2nd year sched boards!” me yelling, I just rushed in the closes person again just to get out of this mood “hello, sorry to bother you but may I please ask where is RB306?” “RB306, ah the Robinson Building, just go straight this lane, you should see forks and on the 3rd fork go right then left on the first turn, you should see a big peach colored building to your right and the entrance at the middle” says the upperclassman, “WHOA! Thank you so much!” and so we go!
We rushed going to the building aaaaand…………….motherfucker “this elevator is not working” huffing as I was saying it “*huffing* we take the stairs, let’s goooo a minute before we are late” she suggests, “we are going to be late, anyway, let’s take it on a normal pace now” “eh? Did you just give up?” “No, I mean, we would be able to think about a better excuse while on the way” “you….”
So, finally arrived at destination fucked (at least for me) I think everyone is still in the introduce your selves part, which is nice, she enters first “Good morning lady, and why are you late?” the teacher as she recognized her going in, I entered the room huffing and all, in great exaggeration “SORRY I’M LATE, MY NAME IS MAC, FRESHMAN, MY HOBBIES ARE LOOKING FOR MY SCHEDULES ON THE FIRST DAY AND ME GETTING LOST” *everybody laughs* I discreetly signal her to slowly creep through the atmosphere and find a seat “and now you’re found, go pick a seat you two, continue on with the self-introductions, please” *laughters* the teacher retorts as we try to stealthily go and pick our seats, much seats are empty, this is nice! She goes and seats near a window, 4th seat from the front, yush, me going to this 5th seat from the front, the front door side! The self-introductions go on and it’s her time “Hi everyone and sorry for being late, Miss Samaria, my name is Vanessa Reed, as everyone, or maybe most of the people here, am a freshman in this uni and taking up nursing” “Miss Reed it’s not that most of the people here but your prior assumption was right, that all of you are freshmen and in the same course, because, I don’t know if any of you knew, but you guys, along with the other sections, will have a block sectioning, this has been decided by the school, so we are really hoping no one flunks until everybody graduates” Oh, wow, WHAT?! Block sectioning, shit, nooooooo, this is not good, the thing I envisioned, go to class, don’t have to actually talk to people except for activities where I ABSOLUTELY need to, go home, have now all been destroyed, great, just great.
The introductions go on and now it’s my time, kill me, I have always hated this, “Hi all, I am Marcus Allan Dropwell, I think I introduced my self already earlier so, errr, yeah, thanks.” I fee lso awkward HOLY SHIT.
“Yes, yes you did Mr. Dropwell, and I do hope to see you until graduations without you….DROPPING WELL” “HAHA DAD JOKE! Oops” *everybody laughs* crap, did I just….troll the teach? HURRAY FOR THE FIRST DAY!!!!! “hahahaha yes, yes now take your seat and we proceed with actual class” I sure hope she wouldn’t take that personally….
Class finally ended, nothing from the real deal subject matter though, and wow, notes, no, actually, scribbles, fuck. “HEY MAN!” guy from in front of me leans over, ugh, what? Who this? I can’t really stare behind me coz I know I was at the last seat, crap this guy is actually talking to me “Yeah, s’up, m….an?” “hahah I’m Inigo, nice to meet you. Yo, do you actually know that girl you were with earlier?” “ermm, nope, we met at the scheds area,” “I see, you talked to her, though?” “Not really.” “Man, can’t believe you” “You should trust people more” “NOOOOO, not that, haha, I mean, why did u not talk to her? LOOK AT HER! That is one super fine lass right there bro, fair skin, she probably standing around 172cm, huge rack, and a kind of lean figure, bro, really? You did not even talk to her?” “Did not even ask for her name, that’s the level of me talking to her”, what’s with this guy, he creepy ass boy, I get that liking that Vanessa on appearance is a no brainer but, if you do “stop talking me and just talk to her” “WHOA! Aren’t you the not so friendly type.” “I don’t know if I can call myself that but, regarding friends, I do have none, YET.” “Man, life not good?” “How about life is good not having to deal with people so much?” “hahahahah sharpy sharpy tongue! Ouch that stings! Anyway, nice to meet you and like it or not we are going to be classmates in the next four years so, let’s be good with each other, shall we?” “Yeah, yeah, I’m at least civil, name’s Mac, nice to meet you” “Yeah, I know, with that intro, I bet my ass no body forgot your name” “fuck off”, we rolled conversations and conversations as we left, I CAN:T SHAKE THIS GUY OFF, and before I knew it, we are now in front of the next classroom we’re supposed to be at, wow. “Okay, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my class, I’m Mr. Harkland and I will be your teacher for this subject, let’s start with self-introductions, shall we?” NOT THIS AGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! And so, self-introductions went on for 3 more times as I had 5 subjects for a Monday before I was able to go home……KILL ME.
Chapter 2. Deja vu
OKAY! Tuesdays! HAH! Schedule says 10am, woot wooooot, did not have to put an alarm for this, chillin’ chillin’ in the morning having my coffee is the best shit, man, can’t do this in highschool, haha, so much time before I even have to take a shower and go to school, as of taking a shower in the mornings, I know not many do it but, yo, it helps me at least psyche my self up.
So I went through my new Tuesday routine, showers, getting changed, getting psyched up for another day of let’s get over this and go home, whatever happened to all the futures I’ve thought of in my loner times, and here we go, off to school! It was awesome that the nursing department had the building to themselves, we did not have to change buildings, just classrooms and only on certain subjects too, and I was told that it will be similar on the other days, on and on.
Arriving at the gates I feel goooooood, and , wait, that’s a familiar character there, yup, it’s Van, and nope, I am going straight to where am supposed to go, or so I thought…. “MAAAAAAAC” she yells, crap.
“he..hey…Miss Reed” what do you neeed?! Also, stop smiling like a sarcastic asshole, my self! “tsk, ‘Miss Reed’, Vanessa, please” “Oookay. Yeahmmm what?” “Wow, yeah, what, that’s how you usually talk to people?” “That’s how you usually ask for something?” “this guy… anyway, we are lost buddies, and I need to ask you if you already know where the next building we’re having class at” “what do you mean where? It’s *stares at schedule sheet* RB……R……WTF…what?!”
“Yup, Mac, yup, I should have expected this…” “errrr, okay, we have like, 45minutes before class, shouldn’t be a problem, but wait, how bout you? You know where this is?” “No, I also just arrived, and I was contemplating on asking some people but now that not much people are going through the schedule boards, I really can’t define which ones are upperclassmen and which ones are also freshmen, then I saw you, and here I am” Well, shit, perfect timing Mac, congratulations “errr, let’s just..go and ask some people” “Yeah sure, having you makes it easier, I have no problems with talking to people but approaching people the right way is not really on my strengths, I don’t know, I just can’t seem to do it right.” “Eh? (with that face of yours approaching people is EASY mode, the fuck you talking about?) Whatevs I guess, let’s go, I’ll do it” and so there’s me, asking person to person, and like, wow, what is this? Destiny trolling over me or what? 7/7 all freshmen, all from different departments, and all don’t know where is the building, fuck, I’m exhausted, “Yo, errr, Vanessa, can you, like, ask some people too?” “Ugh, sure, I guess, let me try…” she approaches a guy, asks about the building, man, the guy, is like, how do I say this, first expression was tantal…ized? Next he goes, errr, kinda red……aaaand scratches his head with that stupid ass smile, aaaaand fuck he don’t know, next she tries a girl, she’s faaaast, oh, girl looks reliable, like a strong upperclassman right there, cool beauty types, hehe, I like them, long black hair laid down, thin-ish lips, soooo red too, lipstick, maybe? Man, she looks like some kind of beauty queen, welp not that Van right there is coming up short as well, she got this really confident aura and yup, she pretty as hell too, nice combo. This upperclassman’s eyes though, they look cute, and sharp, and….and kind of..irritated? And she turns her back as she said nope she don’t. “Hey, Van, what’s with that upperclassman? She looked like she did not enjoy that short asking for directions you did” “To be honest, I felt that too, like she was looking down on me, also she’s not an upperclassman, both people I talked to are freshmen” “That’s 9/9 for us now” “Yup. And also, wow, ‘Van?’..” “Please, I’m in nursing because of the short line, shortening names is easy” “ahahaha right, right” and so, finally we asked someone that was actually an upperclassman, and we finally have directions for the WTF building, pain in the ass, who fucking names buildings WTF, seriously.
So, now, am on the way to WTFBB206, and what do I have here, A TAG ALONGGGG, it would have been normal, normally, at least, but, I don’t like this, ugh.
*Earlier after they get the directions*
“Okay so, from here at the gate, we just take this lane here straight up until we see William T. Farlane Building A and just beside it is the Building B (this uni, seriously, WTFBB, I want to laugh to be honest) so, there we go, you having to do something before going? We got, like, 15 minutes left, I will go and grab some canned iced coffee from the vendo first.” “None, but, I’ll come or wait for you if that’s what you’re trying to tell me” “NOOOOOOO, I wanted you to go first, ugh, sorry, people misunderstand me that much I guess” (Thanks a lot my great communication skills, now I am doubting you.) “ahahah, well that’s one way to look at it as well I guess, but I think I misunderstood it that way because, I look at things on a more, umm, positive settings? Like, if there is something like I get confused on what people tell me, I go to the more positive point of view that ‘oh maybe he just meant this and not this coz this (the negative point of view) is kind of, rude’ so there you go, and anyway, yeah, I’ll wait for you” CRAP, I just want to be alone but, then again, saying that in any direct manner sure is rude, and as my principles dictate, no stepping on other people’s feet while on the way…..should I change it…? Man, people in college are resilient.
*Back to the present, walking on the lane towards WTFBB*
Ugh, the silence is deafening, awkwardness level peaking, I don’t want to talk but also, this mood is excruciating, hell, I think my underarms are sweating. “Sooo, hey” THERE SHE GOOOOOESS “yeah?” dude, did you just move your whole body sideways like a fucking robot? Calm down, you’re not like this, we prefer to be alone but we know how to deal with….with….talking to…people……comm skills, man, comm
skills! “You know, umm, how do I say this, I feel like, you really like to be left alone” DAMN RIGHT I AM “but, will actually make effort to talk to people if you need them” Yes, yes, you’re getting to it “but also, I feel like, umm, with how you have been, or, like, how I saw you and talked to you since yesterday, you’re kind of, what, not like this, normally?” “ugh, no, I am this, normally” “no, I mean, I’m not saying I know you far better than your self but, there’s something, like, I can feel that, you’re in this world, and you don’t want to go out of it, like a comfort zone.” NO NO NO, HEARSAY! “like, umm, this may sound poetic and stuff so please don’t laugh, you’re in this world you painted gray, and you want it to stay that way, but, like, interacting with people, puts colors in it bit by bit, so you try to avoid as much contact as possible.”
“Gray, black and white, with a smudge of iridescent colors on an awkward place”
I felt a Déjà vu, like this happened before, though not exactly like this, not the scene I am in right now, but the feeling, the feeling of wanting to spread that iridescent smudge, but for some reason I can’t remember, I don’t want to try, every time I did, it scares me, and I don’t even know what scares me.
She continues “like, you’re afraid of getting too close to people, so minimal contact is the choice, come and go is the way” “Please, stop.” I softly mutter “eh? Oh..okay..” “We’re here, I’m going to the toilet, see you in class.” And so I go, wallowing on myself, washing my face at the sink for no reason, hands on the sink, looking down, water dripping from the face, sure thought these dramatics only happens in movies, crap, I even forgot my hanky, and no paper towel, yeah, how did I end up like this anyway? I mean, I have seen real deal loners, they weirder, can’t handle simple conversations, hell, it’s so cliché they’re like these anime guys on the start of character development stage but since they’re no MCs they develop slow, I ain’t like that, I can hold conversations and stand being with people (at least to a certain amount of time, okay?), I can approach people, I can even crack jokes, but thinking about it, I was, like, a gang leader of the neighborhood kids, happy days, but after that, all I can remember is, me, sitting in a classroom, not wanting to talk to people so much anymore, I have no idea how this started, but, it was so comfortable that I wanted to just keep the status quo, ugh, this is why I hate talking to people. I come out of the men’s room, to find that Van is still there, waiting, THIS GIRL….
“That was long, now we only have 5 minutes left” THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE WAITED!!!! “’then you shouldn’t have waited’ is the annoyed look I can see” UGHH “Mac, come on, we going to be late you know, stop staring daggers at me, okay? Hehe” What the hell…..”Whatever.” I mutter silently as I pinch my nose bridge like some tired guy from work. “also, here, take it” she hands me some tissues, right, I FORGOT TO WIPE MY FAAAAAACE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Chapter 3: Dilemma
Ahh, the classroom before class, much empty seats, people talking to each other, and me picking out a spot closest to the door, welp, this is normal, I love this spot, HAHA it’s empty!!!! Oh dear sweet 5th seat from the front near the door in the last row, I love you! Be with me for as long as it can be, please! Though, errr, I feel like something is going to happen aside from the fact that this is a new subject and that self-introductions are going to happen again, I HATE THAT PART, but yeah, I’m feeling not so good, my intuitions tell me so….oh, there comes the teacher, wow, she’s young, fresh graduate? Or nah, I heard you can’t teach without earning at least a master’s degree in this uni, but she is SO YOUNG, like, 25? 26, maybe?
“Okay, ladies and gents, please take your seats, settle down, and introduce yourselves” THERE IT ISSSS!!!!! And so, the self-introductions went on, no screw ups today, did not stand out and at the same time did not weird out others, just normal, plain normal.
“Okay, I know I should have introduced my self first but I made it a habit not to, I don’t know, maybe because I’m at my rebellious stage?” TOO LATE FOR THAT NO MATTER HOW YOUNG YOU STILL ARE IT’S TOO LATE!!!! “I’m kidding, I am Miss Aimee H. Huffle…” AHH, hahaha WTFBB AHH, I love the shortcuts, what the fuck am I thinking?! “….and I will be your section adviser, so if there is anything you would like to ask about the school or any problems regarding your classes etc etc as long as it’s school related, please feel free to approach me, you can refer to me as Ms. Huff or Ms. Aimee, whichever is okay for me as long as the ‘Miss’ is there…” oi oi, miss puffee, that end part did not sound right just now “…and also, we are not exactly going to start lesson proper today because, you, freshmen, are going to have the freshmen week by the next week, the freshmen week is a 2 week long period for you guys to get, well, acquainted to the school by extracurricular activities….” that reminds me, since yesterday, there was self-introduction and then just the course and topics the subject will be taking on during the semester but no actual classes or lectures…I get it now. “…but mind you, these activities may affect your grades in a little way that, for example, you did so exemplary in an activity that one of your teachers in a subject decided to give you some points for your academics if the activity has something to do with their subject being taught, and also, this is going to be a university wide event, where you need to work with other department’s freshmen and upperclassmen alike….” WHAAAAAAAAAAAT NO BODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS WHEN I WAS APPLYING HERE!!!! “…and so, today, you are assigned to a COLOR, the color will identify your ‘Team’ in the freshmen week, all freshmen from all departments will theirs as well and everyone will be meeting at the gymnasium later today at 5pm, and you guys will most likely have a meeting with your own respective teams or “Colors” as we term it afterwards, so that is all for today, right after everyone is given their color designation, you can go home, and you need to change your shirt to that color before going to the gymnasium, and with that, please approach me one by one, I will give you this sticker depending on your color designation and this sticker will serve as proof when you show it to your team later, also, no exchanging of colors, these stickers have names printed and embossed on them, not because you know another person here in uni you can go together, the main purpose of this 2 week activity is for you to get comfortable with the university and all the people you see as strangers at first, after all, so, there we go, let’s do this alphabetically.” Well, SHIT.
Okay, so… Black is the team huh, I LOVE IT, the color. The rules are also written in a folded paper at the back of each sticker, man they thought of this well, probably the fine arts guys, but, man, I have to go through this huh, too much demerits if you don’t participate, the attendance will be based on when you finish the activities you are given in a day, and the activities are not lower than 4, but not limited to whatever……your upperclassmen…..facilitators….deem….necessary…. F.U.C.K.
“MAAAAAAAAAAC” Oh boy, here we go with this guy. “Why are you always seated in front of me and why are you always shouting while turning to me?” “heyyy come onnn ahahaha don’t sweat it, hey I’m black too!” “Pretty sure you’re mexican…” “MY TEAM COLOR!!!!! Jesus, anyway, we on THE SAAAME TEAAAAM!” “yeah, yeah don’t have to shout.” “OKAY!!! What you doin’ before 5pm? My house is a bit far, an hour’s ride at most, I don’t want to go home and change, say, I think we on the same sizes, what your height again?” “175…or something” “NICE! I’m 179, and with that build, we are almost similar, lend me some shirt, will ya? PLEAAAASE! Pretty please!!!!” “*sighs* fine. Come with me then.” And just as we are leaving… “MAAAAAAC” oh god here comes another one….. “Yes, Miss Reed?” “Mac, please, you already cut my name into Van, stop with the annoyed sounding ‘Miss Reed’” “Fine…” “Which Team Color are you?” “Black” “Yup, we’re team mates, that’s a relief” then there’s me wondering why it’s a relief while someone just plain went “AWWWYYEAAAAH!” jesus this Inigo.
“Okay, so anyway, we’re going” I have no idea what to say to be honest, I don’t hate that we are team mates but, I’m also not happy, just, well, so so whatever. “Where?” she asks, “really?” responding in an instant, “yes, really, coz, I also have no idea where to go, teach just said there’s going to be no more classes until the 5pm meetup, so basically, we will be meeting the rest of our teachers after these 2 week activity since most of the subjects for TTHS are minor subjects, the major ones are on MWFS except for Miss Aimee’s here.” Well, crap. “Van, we are going to my dorm, this guy right here wants to borrow a shirt from me.” “And so do I” WHAT?! “WHAT?!” “you don’t have to shout you know, I live in a dorm, but the clothes I brought with me are light colored, no black” this girl… “and your room mate in the dorm? Don’t they have one? You’re a girl, my shirts will look awkward on you, not to mention it may destroy that pretty image, you know” “I just heard you say I’m pretty” “I said a lot of things and that’s all you heard?” “haha, nah, I don’t worry about my appearance, also, don’t worry, I’m sure I will look great on your shirt” wow…”confident much?” “haha, Yes, actually, at least on that part, also, I got no room mates, I got the room for my self” this girl….seriously… “*sigh* alright then” and there goes another “AAWWWYYYEAAAAHHH, hey my name’s Inigo” this bro was looking like he has flowers around him while listening to our conversation earlier, waiting for the right chance to pounce…. “Yes, I’ve heard.” replies Van “haha, so, you’re coming with us, huh? I’m really happy we’re on the same team!!!!” “how many colors are there again” me asking because, yes, I DON’T KNOW, DON’T JUDGE! “I think there’s us, black, white, brown…” wow, the three FUNDAMENTAL colors, yes “…yellow, blue, green, purple, red, gold, silver, those should be all” Van replies, “ so uhh, we have 5 rows of seats, all 4 rows are seated, me and that other girl balances the odd ones at the 5th, and we have 7 seats per row, so 30 is our section’s total, meaning, 3 will have the same color in our section huh.” “yup, that’s correct, but wait, speaking of which, a girl from the 5th row?” Van asks. “Yeah, she came in much later than you guys but the teach just nodded, and leaves as soon as the teacher starts packing” Inigo replies, “eh? You never noticed?” “Yes, I never.” “wow, 5 subjects yesterday, really? But, yeah, she always comes later than you and leaves as soon as she can, so….” “wow, you’re talking a lot today, huh, Mac” says Inigo “fuck off, let’s go.”
Right, for a moment there, I actually felt comfortable talking……
The freshmen week, Teams activities, individual activities that include talking to whoever, and 2 of my classmates coming with me to the dorm, all of these things happening, I have no Idea what to do, should I…..just….actually be friends with them like, I’m getting comfortable, but, I don’t know, if I try and try too hard, they might as well get annoyed, or get weirded out, and if I don’t try, they might end up hating me, I don’t want to be seen as weird, nor I want to be hated, man, please just leave me alone. I have no idea what to do anymore, the end result is the same. All this comfort I am feeling right now may just be a fleeting high, not lasting, just there temporarily, and if I get too attached to it, I might end up needing more when it’s not there, and if nothing is there anymore, I might feel, ugh, what is this, I don’t like this feeling, I feel like my throat is being gripped, suffocating, my chest, heavy, like what you feel when you’re about to cry, everything feels heavy, what is this, why does it always feel like this when I think about interpersonal bonds.
“MAC!” that startled me. “ughm yes, what?” “you okay?” “yeah, why? Where’s Inigo” “he said, he’s going to go grab some drinks, wait he was talking to you before going.” “ah, um, sorry.” “Mac, you stopped when he said he’s going to buy drinks so I thought you just decided to wait for him, but you just suddenly looked down and your face has this, it changed it’s expressions, so much that I can tell your like, angry and sad at the same time…” No, I was AFRAID “…are you okay?” “Yes, yes, sorry, don’t mind me, I just remembered something randomly…” “Oh, umm, okay then…” Yup, she’s weirded out. Huh, fuck it. “YOOOOO MAAAAAC, VAAAAAN, I got the drinks! Let’s go!” “yeah, sure” was the only thing I can say.
Chapter 3.5 Masked Kindreds
Oh dear, oh no, I will be so late!
I was so excited I was not able to sleep much the night before the first day of uni, got to hurry up ang get ready, I still l don’t know where these buildings are arriving here just a day before the start of classes I had to unbox all my stuff and god I wish I actually went with my class back then had a school tour in this uni, okay, there we go, I am so ready, let’s hit the road!
I wonder what kind of people would I meet in this place, highschool was so much fun, it was sad that we eventually had to part ways but hey, at least I am still in communication with my besties on Imagram and Daysbook, and messaging each other at times in our group chat in Byeber, okay, that’s the gate right there and if I am not mistaken the announcement boards for each year are close to it divided by department…..WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BOARDS!??!?! Oh no, I’m panicking, ugh, finally, the nursing one! “hello, ermmm, can I ask you something, please?” who, what? Oh…how do I talk to people again, umm, be respectful! “Oh, yeah, sure, what is it. Mister” I called him misteeerrrr my god where did that even come from, I’m getting embarrassed, calm down, Vanessa, calm down…… “Yeah, umm, sorry to bother you but I’m a freshman, and I apparently have a class at 7am, and I have no idea where this RB306 is, and that, it’s 5minutes before getting late for me.” Ohhhh another lost soul like me, same boat, sir, same boat. “Oh! Umm, we are actually the same, I’m a freshman too and also, same room, and also, I…have no idea where it is…..” I replied, sorry to shatter your expectations. “yup, I’m in trouble on my first day….” He realized it, and so do I “’you’, you mean we” YES, it’s WE lost buddy “eh? Yeah ‘we’ but…. AH CRAP DID I SAY IT OUT LOUD?!” “yeshhh you didddd sirrr……” oops I said that out loud too “…not too loud but I at least heard it.” Okay, clear! I hope I did not make weird faces though, friends always tell me I do that everytime… “We better ask someone huh, coz, right, this board here is apparently for freshmen, guess it’s my bad asking someone standing closest to me, I’m going to head off and look for some people at least standing in front of scheds boards that are for 2nd years and stuff.” He says as he turns around, but no, I am not letting you go just yet! “ugh, WAIT!” AAAAA did my voice went high pitch?! “yeah?” he replies and I instantly go “I’m going with you!” Yup, you, sir, will be with me for a bit, and so the two lost buddies adventure starts!
Wow, this level of awkward silence in just a very short time, should get him at least occupied so he does not get bored and passes on me “So, uhm, you’re in nursing too, eh? Quite rare for a guy to be on this course to be honest, I mean I know I saw lots of male nurses but, I’m curious, I never asked them but can I ask you why did you pick this course?” with a 9000 watt smile, how about that?! “ermm, well, the thing is, I, ugh,, okay, to be honest, coz it had the shortest line during the enrolments” YOU KIDDING MEEEEE! This guy is hilarious!!!! Not to mention now that I got a close look at him, he actually looks cute, if only he manages his hair better “AHAHHAHAHHAHA WHAAAAT? You kidding me!” “I wish I was”, then there’s the awkward silence again…he doesn’t like talking, does he? Oh look, there’s the 2nd year sched boards!” he’s walking like his trying to bail on me…this might be a coincidence but, does he really like asking directions from pretty girls? I am confident on my looks and confident enough as well to say something about others and this upperclassmen looks amazingly gorgeous, he purposely doing this? “WHOA! Thank you so much!” Ah, he did a weird success pose, nope, he definitely is not hitting on anyone, AND HE’S RUNNING!
That guy… *huffs huffs* just made me run…oh my god….oh an elevator! “this elevator is not working” he says, shattering my hopes and dreams at that very moment “*huffing* we take the stairs, let’s goooo a minute before we are late” “we are going to be late, anyway, let’s take it on a normal pace now” That bored expression of his “eh? Did you just give up?” “No, I mean, we would be able to think about a better excuse while on the way” this guy, might actually be smart.. “you….”
We arrived at the classroom right in the middle of people introducing them selves, I was panicking so much I just waltzed in without a care “Good morning lady, and why are you late?” right…right… “uhm” “SORRY I’M LATE, MY NAME IS MAC, FRESHMAN, MY HOBBIES ARE LOOKING FOR MY SCHEDULES ON THE FIRST DAY AND ME GETTING LOST” *everybody laughs* and before I could even say anything, his hands are, oh, I think he signaling me to go, wow, big points for you, you saved me, lost buddy!
“and now you’re found, go pick a seat you two, continue on with the self-introductions, please” *laughters* okay, I’m saved, ah there’s 2 open seats beside the window, nice!
Okay self-introduction time for me “Hi everyone and sorry for being late, Miss Samaria, my name is Vanessa Reed, as everyone, or maybe most of the people here, am a freshman in this uni and taking up nursing” Did that rather perfectly! Points for me! “Miss Reed it’s not that most of the people here but your prior assumption was right, that all of you are freshmen and in the same course, because, I don’t know if any of you knew, but you guys, along with the other sections, will have a block sectioning, this has been decided by the school, so we are really hoping no one flunks until everybody graduates” Oh, a bit surprised but, I have nothing to say I guess, just smile and slowly sit down but if I think about it, this is like, extended highschool coz, 4 years we will be together, it’s going to be a another sad episode once we graduate huh...woo it’s his turn, I kind of realize I actually don’t know his name, I did catch Mac, but.. “Hi all, I am Marcus Allan Dropwell, I think I introduced my self already earlier so, errr, yeah, thanks.” Marcus huh, and Dropwell, I’m pretty sure I heard that somewhere, nah, probably just something similar “Yes, yes you did Mr. Dropwell, and I do hope to see you until graduations without you….DROPPING WELL” “HAHA DAD JOKE! Oops” *everybody laughs*
oh my god this guy is hilarious! Doing that to a teacher on a first day, how awesome can you be?! Ahahaha. I want to laugh much harder but, that won’t do, I have appearances to keep up, heh.
Ah, his talking to that obnoxious looking guy, I wanted to talk to him to be honest, I have not talked to anyone yet if I think about it, except for the people sitting around me, wait, what were their names again? I don’t remember except for Jane that was sitting on my right since the one in front of me and on the right-side front were done with the introduction when we arrived.
Another classroom I guess it’s another wave of self-introductions huh, always happens on the first day but I never thought we would have to do this on every subject here in college, that’s 5 today and 4 tomorrow, oh well, not that it’s hard.
Day 2, yay, early bird Van, so much time left, got to find this building though, and no one is standing in front of the boards anymore, I turn around and look who’s here “MAAAAAAAC” my, was that too loud? “he..hey…Miss Reed” god, he looks so unwilling, and what’s with this weird smile of his, he feels not too comfortable with talking to me or something? Let’s settle the pace then “tsk, ‘Miss Reed’, Vanessa, please” there you go, I’m so friendly, aren’t I? “Oookay. Yeahmmm what?” Yup, his disinterest is showing up more “Wow, yeah, what, that’s how you usually talk to people?” “That’s how you usually ask for something?”that was the fastest retort I’ve ever experienced, so much for my friendly mode “this guy… anyway, we are lost buddies, and I need to ask you if you already know where the next building we’re having class at” “what do you mean where? It’s *stares at schedule sheet* RB……R……WTF…what?!” OHH MYYY GOOOOOD HE IS HILARIOUS!!!! “Yup, Mac, yup, I should have expected this…” I can see the future now! “errrr, okay, we have like, 45minutes before class, shouldn’t be a problem, but wait, how bout you? You know where this is?” if only I was here earlier then yes but “No, I also just arrived, and I was contemplating on asking some people but now that not much people are going through the schedule boards, I really can’t define which ones are upperclassmen and which ones are also freshmen, then I saw you, and here I am” yup, perfect timing, our lost buddies mdoe is connected by fate. “errr, let’s just..go and ask some people” “Yeah sure, having you makes it easier, I have no problems with talking to people but approaching people the right way is not really on my strengths, I don’t know, I just can’t seem to do it right.” I rub them the wrong way the moment I approach for whatever reason I don’t know.. “eh?!...” dude looks so surprised, what does he think of me? “…Whatevs I guess, let’s go, I’ll do it” that’s the spirit! You are unwilling but can’t let someone down, I can see through you like a glass now! Haha!
But this seems to not go according to expectations, 7 people, 7 PEOPLE! And no luck, what is happening? He has been choosing at random it is expected but all his randoms are freshmen, also, he did not talk to pretty girls just now which means yesterday really was a coincidence “Yo, errr, Vanessa, can you, like, ask some people too?” okay, here we go… “Ugh, sure, I guess, let me try…” be normal, me, be normal, don’t freak out, oh look, that one looks older than us at least, and he is a freshman, he looked rather antsy talking to me too, welp, next one! That girl looks gorgeous! WOW! Let me try asking her….wait what is this, I feel like I’m being looked down upon while we’re in almost the same height, girl? Hello? Ah, well, she don’t know it either… “Hey, Van, what’s with that upperclassman? She looked like she did not enjoy that short asking for directions you did” definitely, hard to explain though “To be honest, I felt that too, like she was looking down on me, also she’s not an upperclassman, both people I talked to are freshmen” yup, I am officially rubbed by his luck, I think, but I don’t hate him, it’s cute when he tries even though he clearly is just trying to stand it, and he just called me by a nickname! I don’t know, I feel happy for some reason! “That’s 9/9 for us now” “Yup. And also, wow, ‘Van?’..” “Please, I’m in nursing because of the short line, shortening names is easy” “ahahaha right, right” yup, that’s our guy mac right there.
“Okay so, from here at the gate, we just take this lane here straight up until we see William T. Farlane Building A and just beside it is the Building so, there we go, you having to do something before going? We got, like, 15 minutes left, I will go and grab some canned iced coffee from the vendo first.” Oh sounds like he wants me to wait for him, I mean, of course, we are in this together after all “None, but, I’ll come or wait for you if that’s what you’re trying to tell me” “NOOOOOOO, I wanted you to go first, ugh, sorry, people misunderstand me that much I guess” was his reply, this guy was actually trying to get rid of me, not that I’m offended I kind of notice how he does not like being with people now that I remember how he acts since yesterday, even when that guy classmate was talking to him “ahahah, well that’s one way to look at it as well I guess, but I think I misunderstood it that way because, I look at things on a more, umm, positive settings? Like, if there is something like I get confused on what people tell me, I go to the more positive point of view that ‘oh maybe he just meant this and not this coz this is kind of, rude’ so there you go, and anyway, yeah, I’ll wait for you” He looked so dejected as he turned away, it’s hilarious, but, I think something is bothering him, the way he talks, the way his sense of humor works, his wittiness, not to mention he got some looks, he could have been a center of attention or like, a very sociable person, but he looks like he hates it, it’s soooo contrary to how I think he feels, too deep, not going to think about it, and back to the awkward silence we go while walking, need to break this somehow, I will not think to deep but let me at least try to probe “Sooo, hey” “yeah?” that annoyed look, and what’s with that robotic body turn, this guy, if he is doing it on purpose, it’s working! “You know, umm, how do I say this, I feel like, you really like to be left alone but, will actually make effort to talk to people if you need them, but also, I feel like, umm, with how you have been, or, like, how I saw you and talked to you since yesterday, you’re kind of, what, not like this, normally?” Oh god, how do I even say this without actually offending him “ugh, no, I am this, normally” and so he says, let me try to go with an example “no, I mean, I’m not saying I know you far better than yourself but, there’s something, like, I can feel that, you’re in this world, and you don’t want to go out of it, like a comfort zone, like, umm, this may sound poetic and stuff so please don’t laugh, you’re in this world you painted gray, and you want it to stay that way, but, like, interacting with people, puts colors in it bit by bit, so you try to avoid as much contact as possible.” And his face, turned rather dark.. “like, you’re afraid of getting too close to people, so minimal contact is the choice, come and go is the way” “Please, stop.” That was muttered so softly yet that felt really heavy… “eh? Oh..okay..” “We’re here, I’m going to the toilet, see you in class.” He still looked so composed, but I felt some pressure there, I might have gone too far, may need to apologize, guess I’ll wait for him here.. “That was long, now we only have 5 minutes left” ohh he’s back to the just annoyed face “’then you shouldn’t have waited’ is the annoyed look I can see” Smile, me! Smile Uber-friendly! “Mac, come on, we going to be late you know, stop staring daggers at me, okay? Hehe”and there goes his ‘I give up’ face, oh my god his expressions are really clear! I wonder if what he makes when he’s not annoyed, or dejected, or given up, hehe ”Whatever.” I know his not trying to act cool and is honest about not caring anymore but, his face is still wet, this guy is really hilarious oh my god it’s cute! “also, here, take it” WOW! A SURPRISED EXPRESSION THIS TIME!!! And he walked faster then me….and I was not able to apologize until we arrived in the classroom where, wow, he looked kind of, not happy but, relieved? While looking at a chair, this weird, but cute, heh I will just go ahead my self then and wait til the teacher arrives.
Wow, this teacher is young! Yup! Self-introductions time!
*the teacher explains everything about the freshmen week*
A color code for the teams huh, I wonder what he got, it was inside an envelope, 10 colors, 3 people in each color except maybe for one color because we’re only 29 huh. Oop, okay that’s my name! Black, not a fan but I guess it’s fine, *turns to mac* NO, IT IS REALLY GOOD! I CAN SEE HIS STICKER! IT’S A BLACK! OH MY GOD I’M SO EXCITED! (Why, though..) whatever, going to talk to him.
And so, I just learned that we are actually 30, and I never noticed the girl behind me, and Mac, life saver as usual, borrowing Tees huh, I’m in! This Inigo guy somewhat annoys me to be honest. “wow, you’re talking a lot today, huh, Mac” says Mr. Annoying “fuck off, let’s go.” Wait, WAIT WAIT WAIT! Did he just hint a smile! Holy! Oh my, he IS cute! Hihi
Walking to Mac’s down, well, I guess Inigo guy serves a good purpose, he makes Mac actually make more facial expressions hehe wait, why am I even…what is happening, it’s not like I’m here to look at those, “yo, classmates, I will go and buy us some drinks, wait for me, will ya?” 3 seconds mac not answering and what’s with this looming face? “sure, go on we will wait” Had to answer Inigo instead, why did that guy looked so happy though? Meanwhile “MAC!” ugh blinked and pupils suddenly looked forward, this guy, is kind of weirding me out, but not really in a bad way, I can feel something is really bothering him, I wouldn’t want to pry much, earlier this morning, the face he made I don’t want to see that again, or feel that pressure, I really want to help him if there is actually something, this guy has so much potential but I don’t want to force anything, should do it slowly… YOOOOO MAAAAAC, VAAAAAN, I got the drinks! Let’s go!” “yeah, sure” says mac, and off we continue.
To be continued with your help, please don't be too harsh on me, I really need advices to improve, also some of the grammar was purposely warped due to the characterization(or just me trying hard), though I'm still really open for advices on that part. I want to write, I am a professional (in the medical field) but I have always wanted to do this, but only had the time as my work right now has good shifting (4 days on duty 4 days off) I'm not aiming for pro, but I do want to leave something I can be proud of someday.
DMs will be greatly appreciated, will remember it all my life.