A fantasy story by


Submitted Feb 20, 2019, 12:52:19 AM


     From the far right facing a thick forest is Poldark on her left is jibed, at the middle of them is Roafgar besides him as always is Quinwreth and at the far end is Jacqui. The group has left the Colosseum and are at the door of the great Mildeb forest the only thing separating them from the Mildeb plains their goal. The task now is reaching the savage lands with all five members and on time, by now they only have around three hours to go. As they take their first step in the forest, something doesn’t feel right. A mix of murderous intent, bad aura hate, and greed fills the forest. Their first instinct is to stay alert. Jibed gently takes his hands out of his pockets and gently holds on to the hilt of his sword handle. He does not draw out the sword but moves his arm to the base off the handle where the holster is he separates the guard from the scabbard by just a centimeter.

    They all continue walking and sometimes run along the forest to save time for the next thirty minutes as if nothing is out of place, Jacqui can no longer hold his composure and opens up “we know you ae there you idiots’ if you want a fight you got one” “You are the idiot fool, why did you have to call them out” Roafgar jumps onto Jacqui with an angry voice. Immediately he stretches his arm towards his back and pulls out one of his word from his scabbard still talking to Jacqui “well we’ve got to handle this idiot”

    Two guys emerge from a thicket they look exactly alike from appearance to their dressing, “twins” Gasps Jacqui, “ugly twins” he adds an insult. The two are about one and a half meters each bald with no facial hair at all apart from their crooked eyebrows which draw more attention to their face revealing their sticking out ears but with rather small lips. They are simply dressed in grey outfit from top to bottom covering every inch of their bodies.

    “If you had covered your head completely and left your whole bodies naked, I’m sure you would have looked better, because you guys are hilarious, who lied to the other that you look good.” Jacqui adds to his insults laughing uncontrollably.
Roafgar and Jibed giggle, “well that’s a good one” they say to each other. Jibed knows very well what Jacqui is capable of when it comes to making you look bad.

    “I’m Topa and he’s Topi, let’s say we join you guys, I’m sure once at Mildeb the teams will remain for the purpose of the other test, all you got to do is replace a weak link for two strong magic casters” Topa starts the conversation.

    The group look at each other for a while and shake their head as if they had communicated telepathically, the all look at Jacqui who during this time had no idea what was going one. Roafgar smiles wickedly back to him and sheaths his word back to its scabbard.

    “Guys we can’t agree with them or we will be in excess of one person which will mean we have to get rid of one person (as he continues explaining the group continue smiling as if waiting for a sign to break into laughter) from the group and since the come as a duo we cannot eliminate one of them which means one of us is going to…… oh! Oh!”

     He realizes why they all are looking at him now. “Come on guys I formed the team” Jacqui tries to persuade them. Poldark who never really wants to get involved in other people’s issues steps up with a suggestion for Jacqui “Idiot all you got to do is finish them off and your place is secured in the group,” the group whose main aim is to see Jacqui skills and nothing more steps back.

     “Do I pick my own partner,” asks Jacqui.

     “No!” shouts everyone as they take time to sit on the ground.
As he is still talking Tops if not Topi casts a bidding spell “body sealing prism” he shouts and immediately light in shape of a prism surrounds Jacqui Coming together like a rope to bind him. Jacqui may always play the towns fool part but anyone who knows him is aware that he is super strong and powerful, he is not all dumb as he presents himself to be but that only applies to the battlefield, his IQ in battlefields can be equal to a silver ranked adventure. As the prism almost binds him Topi had leapt in the air performing another cast, “ ground as a spear run this prisoner down” with one arm up almost as if he is the one holding the actual spear, five spear formed from dust and stone appear behind him as they set to impale Jacqui. The prism has now bind him around his waist sticking his arms to his body. It’s a win for the weird twins at this point, that’s what everyone thinks including his team mates, even Jibed who does not like his guts has an urge to help his as he prefers the idiot to the weird twins, for him the idiot devil he knows is better than the weird angel. Jacqui whose head which all this time had been facing down slightly goes up and his usual smile shows.

    “Guess I have to make you guys distinguishable from each other” Jacqui tells them. Roafgar who always thought Jacqui pretends to be weak is first to notice his sword is missing from his scabbard, this gives him a little joy.

    “ I call on Jack to do my bidding,” he summons his sword which as Topa initially casts his first spell, he took advantage of the immense light created as a distraction which was enough for him to draw his sword and toss it high up. ‘Jack’ his sword comes down adhering to his masters call at supersonic speed impales Topa who was a few steps behind Topi who is Midway in the air with the spear spells now a meter away from Jacqui. Topa who had his hands out stretched strengthening his binding spell is stapled on the shoulder by Jacqui’s sword that runs him through half way almost to the shoulder of the sword. Topa cries out in pain as he hold his injured shoulder, this breaks the spell and frees up Jacqui. As for Topi who is mid-air and unable to change directions he counts on his spears to finish the job even though he is worried of his brother. Jacqui does not want to expose all his card but at the same time wants to prove to his team mates he is worthy goes into action.

    Since he is no longer restrained he leaps just behind where Topi is going to land, the spear ultimately miss him as they hit the ground where he was once restrained. Topi land on the ground where Jacqui had predicted him to land according to how he was descending. Before Topi can even grasp hold of his balance, Jacqui from behind holds him from behind and wraps his hands around his waist and delivers a perfect suplex by throwing him over his head with a bang. Topi who hits the back of his head so hard never moves even when Jacqui releases his grip.

    Jacqui wakes up and dusts off his clothes and whistles “that’s what you get from daring to fight innocent handsome guys, come Jack to your master” he summons his sword which had pinned Topa, it frees him and as if possessed or attracted by a magnet goes straight to Jacqui hands. He walks to his team mate as he wipes off his sword of the blood before returning it into its home by his side in the scabbard. Topi who was out cold a few moments ago start coming to. He can’t explain how they lost in less than five minutes and to one guy.

    “Lots of other people with no squad will be after you good luck” Topi says to the group which was on their way.

    “Well that’s to expect I’m guessing getting a group of people with three different calling can be different especially when people with callings like assassin are very few” Jibed adds.

     “Not only assassins being few, around Sixty percent of the guys in the Colosseum were either fighters of soldiers which means most of them will find it hard to get the minimum and in addition they don’t even like working with each other.”
     Quinwreth joins “people who never formed a team in the Colosseum will look to take out teams before we reach Mildeb plains”

    Jacqui who’s now finished returning his sword in his scabbard also joins the conversation, “who would let you join their team right after you kick their team mates but? Not me.”
Jibed who looks at every opportunity to make Jacqui look bad interrupts him “well like if the duo had taken you out dummy, we would have no choice but let them join because that’s the only way to pass the first test either let them join or you all get disqualified” he responds making emphasises on the words ‘dummy’.

     They continue their journey for about an hour on their guard however nothing out of the ordinary pops out. It’s seems to be easy until they come across a team in front of them. Just a few meters since they can see them at a distance. By now the sun is unforgiving even under the protection of the forest and cluster of leaves to provide shade, the air is hot and every one at least is breaking sweat just by walking.

“Should we say hello” Roafgar asks his comrades at arms.
“I would rather not, the wind is on our side hence they haven’t seen or noticed us yet.” They all agree at the moment until suddenly a voice from one of them goes running toward the group shouting.

    “My dear princesses your diligent knight is here to save youuu” the group forwards gets spooked enough that they stand drawing their weapons including Roafgar’s group. Who else could loose their cool for the ladies if not Jacqui whose sight had already picked up two beauties who looked tired enough that he could hear them panting heavily. They all in unison slap their heads and as if in a choir go “that idiot, that idiot.”

    He runs straight to the group particularly to a lady among them, she looks totally battered like a soldier that went to a battlefield got defeated and retreated with her tail between her legs. Her exhaustion shows through and through if one looked closely. Her trousers is tattered from the knee area not mentioning a scrap on her thigh which is poorly tied to stop the bleeding but it’s soaked in blood. Jacqui rushes like a bull in heat, ready to embrace her already giving her names like ‘darling’

    As Jacqui is almost at her not looking to stop the rest of the new group have already drawn their weapons but confused by this guy’s intention who looks like a man going to propose to his beloved but on the battlefield. The lady whose weapon is spear quickly swings it at the intruder, Jacqui notices that the swing is so slow probably a result from another injury which Jacqui realizes she may have a dislocated right shoulder. Jacqui as if in slow motion evades the swing from the spear diligently and moves to her left side, the swing misses as the young lady who has used energy she should have been saving grits her teeth still at the motion of the swing Jacqui secretly and masterfully trips her left leg gently enough that she totally looses her balance however she gently land on Jacqui’s warm hands and before she can even speak or try to escape, a water bottle fills her mouth.
    She tries to escape from his grip but her body would not let her do that, her body cannot stop drinking the nourishment it is receiving, one would say her body betrayed her in that instance but it was for the best. She relaxes her body and closes her eyes catching her breath as her heart now start beating at a normal pace. Her group drop their jaw with weapons on their hand they stand startled.

      Roafgar and the group now close in on the group, it’s not been that long but they seem to be used to Jacqui antics. However Roafgar intuition about Jacqui changes, he already knows he held back completely in the earlier fight between him and the weird twins before, not only that but how he evaded the swing from the spear and distorted her balance making sure she will gently fall in his arms. He knows the shouting was a charade for Jacqui might have already noticed that the team was not a threat from their injuries. Especially the lady she saved just now.


Nequam95 Avatar


Commented Sep 3, 2016, 5:57:53 PM
Interesting start, i like the concept of the story. You made a lot of effort in telling the background, maybe a bit too much. Almost nothing happens in here, you just explain things, then the story would finally start, and then we can wait for the next chapter. I still liked it, but you should work on this a little.
phillips_brian Avatar


Commented Sep 5, 2016, 9:52:56 PM
Rest of chapter will be posted before 9/9/2016
JTyler Avatar


Commented Sep 7, 2016, 3:27:19 PM
I like these kinds of stories. The feeling of learning about a new world with it's own rules. I'm interested to see where it goes.
phillips_brian Avatar


Commented Sep 8, 2016, 2:03:59 AM
This is the full chapter that extended my previous work. I would appreciate any comments you have:>)
Evelyn_Honeybill Avatar


Commented Sep 9, 2016, 7:21:08 PM
I like the use of 'black door', am thinking it symbolises death? An interesting change from "white/bright light". What does "Master December" mean? "Creatures crawled within those cracks." Nice alliteration and nice imagery here: "Light fall rains decorated the sky".

The ending is very sudden and really makes you want to continue reading. I don't normally read fantasy (aside from Pratchett and a few others), but this really captured my attention.Overall, a brilliant introduction to this new world. Looking forward to the next chapter!
aSin Avatar


Commented Sep 13, 2016, 2:58:01 PM
Like where this is heading... I do agree the beginning was a bit long but i guess it depends on the reader... I like getting to know the background of a story in depth... it helps me further understand the character and may help me to understand things that may happen later on in chapters to come. Look forward to reading more... keep it up
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Sep 14, 2016, 10:35:27 PM
You need to do some minor edits and cleaning.

You have a good plot. I would like to see where this goes. I think, however, that I would break this into two chapters.
phillips_brian Avatar


Commented Sep 19, 2016, 12:57:48 AM
I updated chapter 1 to include some of the "minor edits and cleaning" suggested by others (thanks kt6550). I have a chapter 2 in rough draft now, but it will probably stay on my computer until at least 9/22/2016, just so I have another opportunity to review it before I post.

I also considered breaking this into two chapters. I decided against it for my own self-serving reasons. I am trying to get a "feel" for writing novel length chapters. Ten pages seems to be the average length that will keep a reader involved, at least based on what I've read. I also like to end chapters with semi-cliffhangers to hopefully keep the reader interested.

Thanks for reading. Your comments are highly prized.