Herobrine King Avatar
A fantasy story by

Herobrine King

Submitted Jan 2, 2019, 9:19:20 AM

The Prince of Fate (Chapter 1)

In a world devoid of life, one man lives. Alone in his castle made o marble and magic. That castle is surrounded with many breathtaking forests, rivers and creatures. His name is Henderson. But he can't share any of these wonders with anyone. He is alone in this world, or so he thought. While he was writing a letter with inc of gold, to send out in hope of a response, like he has been doing for centuries, someone came to the castle. Running past all beauty left in the world he screams with all his might: " Oh Prince of Fate. The great terror has come. Please help us!" Henderson couldn't believe what he heard. He thought he was going mad, but then there was a sound of a human hitting the ground. Henderson stood from his chair and looked out the window. There was a man lying on the floor, unconscious. Henderson ran downstairs, to find the man in front of the castle door. His clothes in rags, multiple holes and scratch marks, covered in dust and soot. At this sight Henderson was surprised and happy to see someone of his own kind. He took the visitor inside and nursed him back to health. After a few hours the man woke up in a bed of silk and cotton, in new cloths and with a headache. The man looked out the window and a winged man entered. It was Henderson, the Prince of Fate. "What's your name and how did you find me?" Henderson asked sharply. " I was sent to find you sir. By the king of Ravenfield. the last kingdom on this world." the man spoke threw his pain. Henderson doesn't know about any other humans but himself. He studied here the book of magic as long as he can remember. He lashed out shouting in rage:" How wasn't I aware of this? How with all this power I can't look beyond this barrier? You. You! I've been here for centuries! How did you find me?!" Unable to control his wrath Henderson waved his wand and blew a hole in the marble walls, and started crying. The wall began to repair itself, and the man heard an apology."I'm sorry. If you knew how to find me, then..." he raised his head and said with a gentle tone: " ...you know who I am." Together they took a walk threw the vast gardens and began talking. The man spoke:"Sir, let me introduce myself. I am Eric York. The general of the Ravenfield army. I've been sent by the king to employ your help. The great evil is free from it's chains." Henderson, confused asks:"What evil. I am afraid I don't understand." Eric asks:"You don't know?", Henderson looked at him puzzled:"What was I supposed to know?". Eric tells him of a legend. About a warrior with the power to destroy evil. He tells him the legend of the Prince of Fate.

He is the only wizard left in the world. His parents left this world when he was nine years old. he wondered the world aimlessly, lost in thoughts. As he was passing by a lake he saw an old woman sitting on a tree stump. She asked him:"Excuse me young man, could you bring me a bit of water from that lake?" Being kindhearted he agreed and asked:" do you have anything to put the water in?" She didn't answer, just looked in her lap and cried. He asked her why is she crying. She told him that she lost everything in a fire, and didn't have anything left to her name. He raced to find something to hold the water. He came across a big and prosperous farm. He asked the owner if he had something he could use. he was ignored. He asked a second time the same happened. when he asked the third time the man lashed at him in rage. "Get lost you filthy creature!" He took out a knife and threw it at the boy, hitting his leg. The boy frightened, and scared for his life ran as fast as he could with a knife in his leg. He dressed the wound and had an idea. on his way back on his limping leg he found a peace of wood and carved out a bowl. With the bowl in hand he went to the lake and gave the woman some water. However she didn't drink it, she simply said:" A young boy alone in the world, fears death above all. He has great power in his hands. In a bowl covered in your blood is not water, but the Elixir of Life." The old lady threw away her veil and from old wrinkly skin came beauty like no other. A figure glowing like the sum, faded into view. Green eyes like the leaves of oak in the time of spring, hair like the finest silk. A dress encircles the woman, white like the first snow. The boy is stunned by her beauty. She gives him two gits. A wand made of a dark walnut tree that was leaning into the lake and a book o magic. She spoke to him as he was taking her gifts into his hands :" There will come a time when this world world will be gone. It will be dead, baron. And only one city will be left standing. You will be needed. Drink the elixir and go south to the Great Mountains, where you will be safe. When you get there open the book and the path to you will be shown and read the first spell. If at any point in your journey you need ask nature, and you will get it. Ask you can only three times and the Sea is not to be trusted. You can do this. Good Luck." she closed her eyes, and as she did so her hair set on fire, and her dress wilted. Her bright and soft skin began to crack and turn to dust. With the wind the was gone. he drank from the lake and felt a warm force go threw him. His scared leg started to burn, then the caught fire and healed. His journey started. He walked for three days across planes and fields. He gut hungry, so he asked for help for the first time. the earth on whom he stood shook, and a tree sprang into existence. I bore all fruit known to man, and it's leaves were like baskets. He ate, took some fruit for the road and thanked the tree for help. As he grew distant, the tree was attacked by rats,ants,and all manor of creatures. It was gone in a moments notice. After passing threw jungles and swamps, little clothes he had was reduced to rags. He asked for help for the second time. Birds flew into the air and mage threads of spider silk. Squirrels made the threads into a new set of clothing. As he was approaching his new garment, all the animals ran away. A dark shadow walked out of the trees. The wolf of darkness slowly walked to him. He closed his eyes in acceptance of death. The wolf raided it's head and his fog of darkness began to glitter as it turned to dust enveloping the garment. And there it was, A white coat long as he, with a jacket of white leather. Trousers of silk and the best pair of shoes anyone can imagine.he felt the wind slowly lifting him to put the clothing on him. he thanked the forest and the animals for their help and went on his way. A few days later all died. As winter came early it froze everything, even birds mid air. He finally came to he great Sea. The sea offered to help, but Henderson declined, even if the sea insisted. The sea will remember that offence. He asked for aid from the wind and the clouds. The clouds lowered themselves and gently surrounded him. The wind blew and took him across the sea. As they reached land the Great Mountains came into view. Clouds gave him a scroll, a light blue peace of paper held together with a golden ribbon. Henderson opened the book and the side of the mountain cracked and a cave opened. In his sight is a big lake, it appears to be without a bottom. He started reading :" To the Earth and to all seas upon it, I command to make these mountains and this lake protected!" The letters on the pace burst into flames as the echos of his command bounce around from rock to rock. The lake dries up and forms a crystal barrier as the sea salt makes a cloak of invisibility. He turns a page in the book and a note falls out. he picks it up reads the sorrow on the paper :"Our son The prince of Fate. Our little warrior, your father and I will always be here. Mom.
many tears stated to flow down his cheeks, as he walked to the castle. At the top he found his room. And as he lying in his bed, he cried himself to sleep and the note flew away with the ind so did all of his memories.


Haven0412 Avatar


Commented Jan 4, 2019, 3:17:06 PM
I'm new here so feel free to ignore my suggestions. When reading your story I had a hard time staying on track with your thoughts. Suddenly your character Henderson is making holes in walls and I didn't know he was magical to begin with. There are also several typos which make it hard for me to read. You are using the wrong through, you have threw in your writing and that means to have thrown something, you want to use the word through which means looking/getting through something. Over all I think you have a good story you just need to streamline your thoughts a bit more.
Herobrine King Avatar

Herobrine King

Commented Jan 4, 2019, 6:49:50 PM
Thanks for your input Haven0412. It doesn't matter that you are new all help and advice is welcome. I am not native to the English language but i am the best in my class. i have been interested in writing for a long time. I even wrote a play for school and it ended up in the city's theater. I will take your comment into consideration when I edit it. I am interested in anything else that might need some work. Have a nice day.
AlexScribe Avatar


Commented Jan 6, 2019, 9:30:15 AM
Welcome, Hero. Kudos for writing in a 2nd (or 3rd or ??) language -- but expect no consideration in the comments, at least from me.

Sometimes indents and/or white space starting a paragraph are lost by this site's word processor, which makes reading tedious. We usually handle that by double-spacing between paragraphs. After you post, you should go to 'Latest Activity' and 'Read' your entry to see it as others will. (Yeah, it's a pain, but you'll get used to it.)

This needs editing: Watch initial capitals to start sentences, and spaces before sentences. Look for missing letters (as in the ending). I put my writings aside for a few days and then edit -- that works fairly well for me; find what works for you.

Haven may be new, but her comments are right on point.

Waiting to see where this goes. Write on.
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Feb 14, 2019, 9:52:12 PM
You have got some discontinuities in your plot. You need to smooth them over.

Now, about two sentences in I realized that you were not native to English. I also realized that you were young. You need a real hard and tough editing of this. Get to work on that.