Routh Avatar
A prose poem by

Routh

 Submitted May 7, 2007, 11:30:40 PM

I've Made Up Mine

I thought I had it all figured out
Thought I knew what love was all about
Always tried to keep my heart pure
And when love came it would be sure
But though I always kept my heart warm
Cold hearted ones brought storm after storm
Women always said men treat love like a game
But my eyes are now open, I know they're the same
No longer will they be treated like gold
My once kind heart is growing so cold
Time after time I was loved and then tossed
And they just moved on like nothing was lost
Men and women are one and the same
Both are just players in a cold-hearted game
The word 'Love' is used to get what they want
Sex, and money, for those they will flaunt
All their caring and sweet words used in shame
All are just cards in a strip poker game
They always have said nice guys finish last
Well this nice guy is a thing of the past
No more love for me, just sex and some fun
When things get too close, I'll turn and run
No more will I be hurt, time after time
You can't make up yours, so I've made up mine!

Comments

Vermithrax Avatar

Vermithrax

Commented Jul 7, 2010, 10:48:50 AM
Very well done; fewer glitches, and a nice pace. This is an absorbing tale, with excellent dialog and atmosphere.

Just, please don't tell me that the freind in Chicago is Harry Dresden. :)

That would be too much too handle.

Very well written.
PunchingBag Avatar

PunchingBag

Commented Jul 8, 2010, 1:36:52 AM
...Okay, before they get to Chicago, let me say for the record that I have not read the Dresden Files, and created the character they're going to meet long before I ever even knew the Dresden Files existed. There are similarities between them, but they are completely coincidental; the only reason I'm using Chicago is because I'm from Chicago, and like that city. I only found out the similarities between them when a friend of mine heard a brief description, and asked if I was talking about Dresden.

...I'm somewhat sensitive about using other people's work, accidentally or intentionally. I always try to make sure my ideas are my own, not copies of old ideas.

That said, you'll meet the character in Chapter 12; if you think he's too Dresden-esque, please let me know.
Vermithrax Avatar

Vermithrax

Commented Jul 8, 2010, 8:50:17 AM
My apologies; you're obviously not used to British (English) humour.

I'm a massive fan of Jim butchers work, and any comparison between this and Dresden be purely a good thing.

There is very little to compare between the two, so don't worry. This is an original work, that stands upon its own strengths. Don't worry about any comparisons that may be made; that will always happen, and should be taken as praise.

Keep writing.
PunchingBag Avatar

PunchingBag

Commented Jul 9, 2010, 8:24:59 AM
No worries, I got what you meant (text failed to convey my facial expressions when I was reading your comment, which would have started as a pleased chuckle, then degraded to "Oh wait. Sh**, that's right, he does kind of resemble Dresden..." ) Just thought I'd make sure it's clarified is all, no apologies needed.

And thank you for all the nice things you've been saying. I'm glad you're enjoying it, and I've been getting some useful feedback. Always, always, always learning...
kt6550 Avatar

kt6550

Commented Jul 14, 2010, 12:45:08 AM
A good section of dialog; nicely done.

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