MzRainbow Avatar
A general fiction story by


Submitted May 10, 2022, 9:17:51 PM

dairies of selena

Wednesday, May 2 450 BCE

Entry 32

Geia sas! It’s been a month since we started seeing each other. Artemis knows and said she wouldn’t sell me out to my family like how Pythia did. It had been a great day with Ambrogio, we kissed again, kissing his Italian lips made my heart race a little bit of course. Sweeter than the drink and food Amboise, better than the fountain's waters. His eyes were as brown as the stallion's strength, his hair as black as the night sky. He was soft and inviting. That’s when he told me he loved me.

  I was so happy at that moment, everything changed, everything was clear I was to be with a guy for the rest of his mortal life. Until he grew tired and old. I don’t care if I have to give up my immortality to be with him. He is all I need to have a fulfilled life.
 I came home to Apollo at the front door waiting for me. He was furious with envy. He told me he was the one who told my parents about me running off with Ambrogio. If I didn’t stop there would consenques for my actions. All this time I blamed Pythia when it wasn’t all along. I was furious with apollo how could he. How could he be so selfish?

 He also told me I was the one being selfish only thinking of myself not of everyone else and our family. I don’t understand what I did affect my family when has to do with my life. I can’t believe what I was hearing from him. I asked him if he was jealous and if his behavior was childish and stupid.

 I walked away from him, wasn’t going to do me any good staying there and arguing with him about what was happening. I’m just going to have to sleep it off. I’m positive Ambrogio and I will figure out what to do. Tomorrow I will talk to him about everything that has happened. I’ll come clean and tell him who I am yes! Yes, that is what I will do! Until next time.


Haven0412 Avatar


Commented Jan 4, 2019, 3:17:06 PM
I'm new here so feel free to ignore my suggestions. When reading your story I had a hard time staying on track with your thoughts. Suddenly your character Henderson is making holes in walls and I didn't know he was magical to begin with. There are also several typos which make it hard for me to read. You are using the wrong through, you have threw in your writing and that means to have thrown something, you want to use the word through which means looking/getting through something. Over all I think you have a good story you just need to streamline your thoughts a bit more.
Herobrine King Avatar

Herobrine King

Commented Jan 4, 2019, 6:49:50 PM
Thanks for your input Haven0412. It doesn't matter that you are new all help and advice is welcome. I am not native to the English language but i am the best in my class. i have been interested in writing for a long time. I even wrote a play for school and it ended up in the city's theater. I will take your comment into consideration when I edit it. I am interested in anything else that might need some work. Have a nice day.
AlexScribe Avatar


Commented Jan 6, 2019, 9:30:15 AM
Welcome, Hero. Kudos for writing in a 2nd (or 3rd or ??) language -- but expect no consideration in the comments, at least from me.

Sometimes indents and/or white space starting a paragraph are lost by this site's word processor, which makes reading tedious. We usually handle that by double-spacing between paragraphs. After you post, you should go to 'Latest Activity' and 'Read' your entry to see it as others will. (Yeah, it's a pain, but you'll get used to it.)

This needs editing: Watch initial capitals to start sentences, and spaces before sentences. Look for missing letters (as in the ending). I put my writings aside for a few days and then edit -- that works fairly well for me; find what works for you.

Haven may be new, but her comments are right on point.

Waiting to see where this goes. Write on.
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Feb 14, 2019, 9:52:12 PM
You have got some discontinuities in your plot. You need to smooth them over.

Now, about two sentences in I realized that you were not native to English. I also realized that you were young. You need a real hard and tough editing of this. Get to work on that.