Bodacious Furballs



Bodacious furballs 
dartin' stumble 
then startled 
meowin' whine;

For some of granny's 
oven specialty
of delish 
'poisson pie'.

Broth~vittles,
stove~top, pipin'hot,
to suit each
kitty's fancy taste.

Fresh Tuna~dumplings 
with far~out sprinkles
on pint~size
ceramic plates.

Audacious mice 
they'll meet in match,
they use
as volley toys.

Ginormous birds of
prey, who scavenge 
trash, they'll chase
off with stealthy coy.

Embroidered spongy 
quilts dress their
bassinets, so each can
downy hide or snooze.

Wild~glowin' sturdy
yarns, distracted gnaw
or claw, while photo
shootin' 'em posin'..

in bow ties and
flashy Tarlatan tutus.

Comments

Routh

Commented Aug 20, 2023, 7:58:16 PM

Welcome to The Den!

I love this little reflection and think it’s overall pretty good. The last paragraph goes a little off course with run on thoughts. A few edits to make things clearer and easier to digest would benefit the piece overall.

Small corrections:

phenomenal way to feels the distance between

feels should be feel

Once upon a time the start of Autumn was one filled with feelings of hope,

Autumn should be autumn, and “Once upon a time” is considered an introductory phrase or an adverbial clause and should always be followed by a comma before the remainder of the sentence.

Edit suggestions:

Finding yourself in an old familiar place is like an old whittled memory where you are able to decide to feel the sharp joy of recommitting to exactly who you are and reliving the same life in a washed out cycle or a phenomenal way to feels the distance between exactly who you were the last time you touched those walls and look into the mirror of memories accept the good as only a memory and head down keep walking forward with your eyes closed in the crawl of the human experience.

This is the most difficult sentence of the piece, with 89 (if I counted that correctly, eyeballing it) words and what appears to be at least 5 thoughts within it. This needs to be broken up. If not into multiple sentences; then via the use of a blend of commas and semicolon, in order to divide the thoughts you are building on into more digestible bits.

I may have missed some additional thoughts as I read it initially, I’ll come back to this.

A prose poem by

Lonelyhearts1224

Bodacious Furballs

Comments

Routh

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