Arroba: The Awakening - Chapter Five; it's a small one.
DAY 5
The rest of the day passes in a blur of nerves and fear. When I awake the following day I have a moment to feel relaxed and calm until it all comes flooding back bringing along a sense of trepidation and anguish.
I drag myself out of Levin's unbelievably comfortable bed and out into the kitchen. They are already awake and dressed. I look at the clock on the wall and realise it is a lot later than I had hoped.
'Good morning Freya, Levin. You should have woken me. I can't believe its 11:00am already.'
'We thought you might need the rest.'
Freya speaks into her paper, never looking up. I look over to Levin mimicking her and feel the tension straight away. They both have tired eyes and weary movements, as if they have both been up all night.
I grab a bowl of corn flakes and a cup of coffee and sit down opposite them.
'Are you both alright this morning?' I ask.
Freya takes a sip of herbal tea and then carefully places her paper down onto the table. She spreads her hands over her skirt and then, finally, she looks at me.
'We have had visitors this morning whilst you were sleeping. It was two of the Raven guards of the Sovereign; Xavier and Inigo,' she gauges my sudden change of body language with a sweep of her eyes and then continues, 'They have been instructed officially by the Sovereign to travel here and request that you leave today, for your Realm.'
I drop my spoon into the bowl and nearly choke on a mouthful of corn flakes. I cough and try to breathe until I can speak but when I do it comes out a breathless whisper and not at all the scream I want it to be.
'Why? Who has given them that order?'
This is obviously a much harder question because she takes a long time smoothing down her skirt this time.
'Oh, for goddess sake Freya spit it out!'
'They came bearing other, more sensitive news, Dione and I'm not sure how to tell you.'
My stomach hits the floor and for a few seconds I think I'm going to throw up all over Levin's lovely table. I breathe through the nausea, reminding myself that I can't pass out until I know if this news will destroy my world or not. I had to be optimistic.
'Please... I won't freak out I promise; just tell me.'
She looks at me disbelievingly but she does speak and when she opens her mouth the words fall from it quickly and carelessly.
'Alistair has been appointed. He is now immortal and the official Head of the Dark Ravens, he is now such a thing of power for the Sovereign. I'm sorry Dione, it is too late. Alistair gave the order for them to demand you to leave.'
'No'' I breathe.
'Yes, Dione. I am so very sorry; we are all too late to save your Numinous. He will never leave their side now.'
My whole body flushes, my head spins and suddenly the world seems uneven and grey. I try to stand but my legs don't hold me. I wobble, try to grab the table but miss and down I go onto my knees.
'NO!' I scream into the floor, banging my fists against it as hard as I can.
'Dione, please calm yourself. It will not help anyone to act like this.'
I throw my eyes in the direction of hers and really wish that looks could kill. I drag myself up off of the floor and lean over the table and into the other woman.
'How dare you ask me to calm down? How dare you!!'
Levin moves around the table and places his hands onto my shoulders turning me around to face him. I try to shake him off but his fingers squeeze tighter, holding me still.
'You love him like no other but hear the truth in my next words Dione. He is doing this to save you whether you will accept it or not. He is accepting his own fate so you will be able to continue on with your life, away from the Justice. That is the greatest love of all Dione; do not spite such a thing because I and many others would kill for that.'
My knees give way and Levin holds me. I slump into his chest and speak against the warmth of him, 'Oh Levin, what am I going to do without him?'
He knows it's not a question he can possibly answer; he knows all too well that I can't do without him. All he can do is hold me and he does, whispering sweet nothings into my ear until I finally get myself under control again.
'We will all be here for you Dione, all of us, as you are one of us now.'
I nod against him. I'm one of them now? It doesn't feel like it. I feel like I have been dumped somewhere alone and abandoned by the only person I ever want to be with, in this Realm or the next. I feel like my heart no longer exists and I have no love or care to give any longer. Ali had taken my love with him and that love will always sit inside of him because I will always love him, whether he is with the Sovereign or dead.
I can feel the truth of my words aching in my bones and radiating out to penetrate my very essence; a timeless, untouchable ache that will last through everything. Time will would go on, buildings will fall, wars will come, people will grow old and die but that love as immense and unfading as it is will be forgotten by all, except me.
Distantly through the haze of my mind I wonder how he is, what this will mean for him, how our metaphysical tying can still be intact considering he has already gone through the immortalisation and how come I didn't feel anything. But it is all just that; a haze of thoughts, none of them rooting, none registering until my mind falls blank completely' no thoughts, feelings or words will penetrate my static mind now. I have gone, withdrawn to keep myself safe.
Faintly that poisonous little voice barks reminding me that my fears through the years had been right, you should have listened, it whispers but I'm past caring.
I untangle myself from Levin, not seeing anything or anyone in the room and walk to his bedroom. I pace for a long time; my mind continues with its immobility but that does not ease the unbearable need I have to move and keep moving.
I walk around the room in endless strokes until my muscles burn. But I can't stop. I walk through it revelling in the sensation, clasping onto the pain hoping it will kill the more immediate, dreadful one in my heart.
Eventually time seems to stand still. There is no sun, nothing to distinguish between night and day and right in that moment I don't care how long I have been scoring circles through Levin's carpet.
Eventually my legs do give way from the strain and they collapse under me, throwing me to the ground. I don't try to brace for the impact; it feels like too much effort. My head slams into the padded floor and I lay there, unmoving, blinking up into nothingness. I lay for hours, still and eventually my body gives up and my eyes close. I fall asleep where I lay.
I awake to darkness so complete I can't even see my hand in front of my face.
If Ali had been here he would have left a light on for me - the through breaks my carefully placed static and brings back memories of yesterday. My mind rushes with fear; fear of the night around me, fear of how alone I feel and most of all - the unmistakable throb in my chest.
I scramble to my feet and eventually I find the door. I reach to the right of it and flick the switch and then I lean my face against the door for a few moments, allowing my heart to calm in my chest. Once I think my legs are steady again I turn around.
My knees do not continue to carry me as I turn around and look at the most beautiful individual I have seen anywhere. This angel of a being is sat on the end of the bed with his head tilted away from me and hands in his lap. His body is draped in a long, heavy grey cloak - like something out of Dracula but less sinister.
I crawl towards him and with feeling such a sense of relief, I can't hold the sobs that fall from my lips freely. I'm just about to wraps my arms around him when he scatters away from me further into the bed. I stop dead in my tracks, arms still raised out in front of me.
'You cannot touch me Dione or they will know I am here.' Ali whispers.
'Why are you here?'
'I had to see you. I have been going out of my mind. I thought I would cope, I thought I would begin to forget you once I was with the Justice considering I had so much to learn and achieve. Some silly part of me thought it would be easy,' he hangs his head shaking it. 'But it is not because I cannot forget you. I can't even function properly.'
He puts his head into his hands and every part of me screams to jump onto the bed and grab him. To fill the hole inside of myself with the solidness of him against me but somehow I resist; it takes all of my self control but I do manage to stay still.
'I feel the same. I have been going out of my mind!'
'I know I felt' I feel your anguish. I cannot stay long my dark light; my return is inevitable''
'No don't go yet! For goodness sake Ali! Have you any idea at all how much I want you, need you. I will not cope, I can't' don't you see that?'
His beautiful eyes flash up to mine for the first time in days and they melt my heart. I'm not sure whether it is the fact that I haven't seen his glorious face for three days or if it's his soul sparking in his sorrow coated eyes ' the contrast being utterly breathtaking in its dramatics - but that one look grips me. I find new despair in that feeling, knowing I will have to live the rest of my years without looking into them, without listening to his voice and all of the wondrous things he has to say. How my body rushes with fire every time I touch him and how his presence in any room lightens yet darkens it at the very same time. How can I cope, after he has given me so much?
'I am sorrier than you will ever know Dione but this is my fate. I have to be with the Sovereign, I have to do my duty whether you or I like it or not. I came here tonight to tell you that you must go home and that I will not be able to visit you again. If they find out they will punish me as it is but I had to say' goodbye, had to see you one last time, my love, my light in all of my darkness' goodbye.'
I awake in the same position I had fallen asleep, tears rolling heavily down my cheeks and soaking the carpet beneath me. He had always been a dream to me and now that's all he really is and would ever be; a distant memory of a glorious dream.
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