Lonelyhearts1224 Avatar
A prose poem by

Lonelyhearts1224

Submitted Aug 14, 2018, 2:22:14 PM

Angels That Surround Us

The sweetest thing is knowing,
that I am not alone.
When sodality and high hopes teeter...
The Angels comes along.


In diverse shapes and sizes,
they surround us every day;
providing supportive kindness,
to whom might feel dismay.


So when you're out exploring
in this great land of ours.
Regretting life, just feeling lonely,
cause plans don't turn out right.


Stay calm and Just remember,
There are Angels watching over you;
You'll find their acts of clemency,
When a stranger helps you through.




written: April 2017

Comments

Eyeshield21 Avatar

Eyeshield21

Commented Aug 16, 2018, 10:16:11 AM
Hello there! I liked your poem pretty much. I'd like to think that there are these so called angels with us and hopefully I'll meet one someday :) .

The only thing that disturbed me is that you started with " an Angel comes along" than you switched into plural. But since I'm not a native English speaker I might be wrong.
AlexScribe Avatar

AlexScribe

Commented Aug 16, 2018, 7:39:18 PM
Lonely, my standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, Wilde, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose.
This read well except for a couple of places:
The first line seems as if it should be split into 2 to fit the rest.
'Remember, there are Angels still watching over you' doesn't read smoothly.

'... I'am...' either "I am" or "I'm" ("I am" flows better to me)
the word 'clemency' doesn't fit well

The shift from specific to general (singular to plural) didn't bother me until I read Eye's comment. Eye has a point. The words don't need to change but I think it would be better if there was some separation between the first 3 lines (4 lines if you heed my suggestion above) & the next, maybe by making stanzas or using punctuation.

Don't know how this got a 22% rating: it's much better than that. Hell, I could write poetry that deserves better than 22%! After the first few writings I commented on here I stopped using the rating system because I don't think it helps.

Write on.
kt6550 Avatar

kt6550

Commented Sep 6, 2018, 10:40:38 PM
I liked this. But I still think that you have a spacing issue. B)