addiction

ivory dust and
liquor pale
these departures are
his
holy grail

yearning
for this
his mind's release
begging
the voice
of addiction
to cease

riding
a high that
starts
to fail
binging on
liquids and
snorting a
rail

pushing
the limit
of sanity's
pain
smiting
a sober
mind with
disdain

flirting
with
death whilst
he fades
away
dithering fragments
of
reality
f r a y

dodging
the light
the savior
of
sorrow
pleading to
die
b'fore the
dew
of tomorrow

sinking
in
quicksand of
powder and
ale
the tangible severing
when
a ghost ship's
set sail

Comments

Sariel

Commented Jan 16, 2007, 12:11:30 AM

*applaudes* I like this one. I like the style this was written in, I like the premise you chose to write about, and I like the flow of this, though it does stutter in a couple of places. Read it a couple times aloud, and you'll probably notice what im talking about.

Jake

Commented Jan 17, 2007, 2:52:35 AM

Talented writing. I agree with everything Sariel said. One suggestion for the last line would be to make it simply "sail" because that seems to flow a bit better, and still makes sense.

Mythbhavd

Commented Jan 17, 2007, 4:43:18 PM

Smiting?! I like a poem that smites something! ;) Nicely written poem. I'd have to agree with Tsyni on the "sail" it would make the ending a bit smoother, but very nicely done.

A prose poem by

dark_angel

addiction

Comments

Sariel

Jake

Mythbhavd

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