yourotherhalf333 Avatar
A prose poem by

yourotherhalf333

 Submitted Apr 28, 2009, 10:19:07 PM

A Walk to the River

Damp sand under bare feet,
Water and taste of salty sweet
Cold rush on bare skin
Deep breaths then dive in.

Sharp rocks cause new cuts,
Wet hair and those quacking ducks
Packing up then a breeze gives me a shiver
That was my walk to the river.

Comments

Feny F Dewi Avatar

Feny F Dewi

Commented Nov 21, 2016, 4:03:05 PM
Indeed, it is hard to be hurt by loneliness.
maulanaray Avatar

maulanaray

Commented Nov 23, 2016, 6:33:39 AM
make me count on this poem, feel sad when it is hurt too much
kt6550 Avatar

kt6550

Commented Nov 23, 2016, 10:13:02 PM
A bit short. I would try and expand this and fill it out a bit.
TrisnaAprilia Avatar

TrisnaAprilia

Commented Nov 25, 2016, 3:01:34 AM
Quite short. I like the rhyme you used in your writing though. ;)
stmufarrohah Avatar

stmufarrohah

Commented Nov 26, 2016, 11:08:47 AM
It deeps. I could feel the sadness. Nice, Agung!
Meesafiktri Avatar

Meesafiktri

Commented Dec 1, 2016, 7:45:37 AM
Simple and short but to the point and catchy. Good :)
Agung Bimo Baskoro Avatar

Agung Bimo Baskoro

Commented Dec 5, 2016, 12:41:36 PM
@maulanaray you are right bro. how do you do if you feel lonely?
Agung Bimo Baskoro Avatar

Agung Bimo Baskoro

Commented Dec 5, 2016, 12:42:46 PM
@kt6550 hehe, can you get what i want to say in this poem bro?
Agung Bimo Baskoro Avatar

Agung Bimo Baskoro

Commented Dec 5, 2016, 12:46:15 PM
@trisnaaprilia i use the short words to give more pressure about the lonely felling sist.
Agung Bimo Baskoro Avatar

Agung Bimo Baskoro

Commented Dec 5, 2016, 12:47:55 PM
@stmufarrohah so what do you ever fell like this poem? what do you do if you fell that?
Agung Bimo Baskoro Avatar

Agung Bimo Baskoro

Commented Dec 5, 2016, 12:49:42 PM
@Meesafiktri it is pretty nice to know that you get what i want to say. thank you.
Agung Bimo Baskoro Avatar

Agung Bimo Baskoro

Commented Dec 5, 2016, 12:50:34 PM
@Feny F Dewi can you ever feel like what im say in this poem ?

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