A story I thought i'd never tell.
So let me give you some insight as I put it all in a nutshell.
Every morning I wake up to a bed in which I am all alone,
Yet the very first thing I do when I wake is run towards my phone.
There I would see your messages from the night before,
All the loving words you sent that make me want you even more.
Then I would turn to my mirror and see myself staring back,
The smile that once graced my face would soon become something I lack.
Reality would hit then and this is when the truth would sink in so deep,
That though my heart may beat for you, you would always be the one I cannot keep.
I would then proceed to criticize and argue with my heart,
Why did you have to be so stupid?
Why did I let you tear me apart?
As my day goes on you would message me and tell me all the things I long to hear,
You would let me in to your life,
And I would let you know how much I wished you could be near.
You would tell me about your family and all the wonders you have planned,
I would sit and laugh and listen like the idiot in love I am.
Throughout the day you would remind me that you truly do care,
Yet why when you tell me you love me, my face soon becomes drenched with tears.
Why did I have to fall for you?
Why did I let you break down my walls?
Why was I so careless in thinking that from grace I would not fall?
I remember foolishly thinking that I could simply just be a friend,
That I could love you from a distance and not hurt myself in the end.
That I could smile though those moments that tore my heart from the inside,
That I could laugh with you during your happy times, while my soul slowly died.
Now each morning I wake and I look at my phone and I wonder why do I do these things?
Why can't I let go of you?
Why can't I spread my own wings?
Everyday I feel it growing, I know i'm slowly moving away,
Even though it pains me to do it,
If I'm ever to truly be happy, then this is the only way.
I do not know what the future holds, but God knows how I truly wish,
Maybe a moment in time where we could both enjoy loves bliss.
But until that time I can't keep living with this pain everyday,
I love you to my core and back, but even with that love, I can not stay.