kt6550 Avatar
A science fiction story by


Submitted Aug 22, 2009, 10:22:39 PM

A Resolution of Conflict

-- Page 1 of 9 --

0.97 Standard: The rating system for all planets, with Old Terra, believed to be the origin of man, as 1.00. The system takes into account all factors, including weather, water, gravity, and landmasses.

AG: After Guild. The modern calendar is dated from the acceptance of the Spacing Guild during The Great Convention as the sole form of interstellar travel.

Bashar: High military rank. Equivalent of a colonel or above.

Great Convention: The twelve-year conference that formalized the government and rules of humanity, held on Khaitan, the home planet of House Corrino.

Great House: A ruler of a planet or group of planets, headed by a Duke, a Baron, a Count, or an Earl. The titles are purely for ceremony.

Heighliner: A large, powerful, and fast ship used for interstellar transport by the Spacing Guild. Smaller vessels, such as frigates, were flown into the heighliner and then secured. The heighliner flew to the next star system.

Kanly: A formally declared, limited war fought between two Great Houses to resolve disputes. Kanly is only declared after all other avenues, such as negotiation, financial reparation, or a hearing before the Landsraad High Court has failed.

Landsraad: The parliament of interstellar humanity, composed of all of the Great Houses. They make the laws, by majority vote, which govern humanity. The Emperor only votes in the event of a tie. The Landsraad meets once every two standard years on Khaitan.

Lavreche: Military rank. Equivalent of a lieutenant to a major.

Maula pistol: A spring-loaded pistol that fires a single metal or wooden dart. It is accurate up to thirty meters. The dart can be tipped with poison.

Mentat: Computers and logic machines of any type were carefully restricted and controlled by the Great Convention. Mentats were specially trained humans with superior minds. Their minds were stimulated by the drug Sappho. The Mentat ranks were: 1. Memorizer 2. Reciter 3. Observer 4. Analyzer 5. Counselor 6. Advisor. Adivsor was exceptionally difficult to reach. There were only three in the entire Empire.

Sappho: The mind-expanding drug used by Mentats. It stained their lips a bright purple.

Sardarkur: The soldiers of House Corrino, the Imperial House. They are the best and deadliest warriors in the Empire, but do not have the greatest numbers. There are very few survivors of a Sardarkur attack.

Spacing Guild: The company responsible for all interstellar travel and exploration.

Spice: The geriatric spice, with a taste of cinnamon, found only on the planet Arrakis. Spice treatments prolong life and guarantee excellent health. It is the most valued commodity in the Empire.


AlexScribe Avatar


Commented Mar 27, 2018, 6:29:06 AM
Welcome, Dex. General stuff: This is way too long for one page: there's an icon that inserts a page break (it's located below the text window where you enter the story).
This site has a peculiarity in that tabs and initial spaces in the original are omitted from the posted version others see. Check the difference between 'edit' and 'read' versions of your story on your 'manage writings' list. The result is that paragraphs run together which makes reading tedious at times. We usually handle this by leaving a blank line between paragraphs. Crude but it works.

All was quiet in the Sernaya sector, Jeremiah “Grim” Mordunaza sat...
 This is a comma splice. These should be separate sentences. This occurs in several places.
...about grey.” he mumbled to himself
 The period s/b a comma & s/b a period at the end.
The wraith[']s onboard computer,...
 The word 'wraith' s/b capitalized or not consistently.
...and my wallet[']s starting...
...flipped on his sensor array it turned out to be...
 Punctuation needed after 'array' here.
...lower half of his face before targeting...
 This reads as if the beard is doing the targeting.

An interesting story so far. Quite good writing but the typos detract from the impact. For me, leaving a writing alone for a couple of days and then going back to proofread works well; you need to find what works for you. Your writing is cheated when it isn't presented in its best form. Write on.
Dex Avatar


Commented Mar 27, 2018, 8:47:12 PM
Thanks Alex. It's been over ten years since I last took an English class, so I was thinking my punctuation and sentence structure were going to be all over the place.

I think my best bet at this point is to look for an online refresher course or local writing workshop to try and knock the proverbial cobwebs out.

Glad to hear the story is interesting though. I'll try and work on cleaning up the formatting over the next few days.

I totally get leaving it alone and rereading it a few days later. Almost every time I've gone back over this story from the beginning I've found at least two little mistakes.
I've been writing this story during down time at work. I do inventory control and sit in front of a computer for 13 hours a day. Sometimes things just, don't move for a few hours at a time, so I write to fill the gaps

I'm posting here because I wanted more objective and educated critiques than my friends and family would be willing/able to give me.

Would it be a better idea to post chapters separately for now? Looking back over my post it is a bit overwhelming with the current formatting here. In my defense, it was much cleaner looking in Google docs before I pasted it over, c'est la vie
AlexScribe Avatar


Commented Mar 28, 2018, 3:18:07 AM
Dex, although not a course, one of the best references for syntax is the Chicago Manual of Style -- and I'm told it is the bible of most editors. As far as posting, post as you like: I'll read as much as I want at a time when it's there. (That's just me, however, as with all my comments. Others may disagree.) Comments here are unusually objective. Educated -- well, that varies, as will your readers.
Dex Avatar


Commented Mar 29, 2018, 12:29:53 AM
The server doesn't like me dumping all 5 chapters on it at once, so I'll be updating this in 2 chapter blocks for now. Hopefully I've managed to clean up most of the errors with grammar and punctuation. The smaller bites of text might be easier to get through as well.

Seeing as it's $50 on Amazon, I'll probably pick up the CMOS17 after my vacation next week. It seems like a smart investment if I want to get into writing seriously and looks to be an incredible value for a reference book like that.

Thanks again for the advice
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Apr 16, 2018, 9:41:10 PM
I agree with Alex. An interesting story. You need to format, however, and do some editing.