Aqoun Avatar
A prose poem by


Submitted Jul 7, 2018, 9:27:47 PM

A place called tomorow


A place

where dreams are not a given

A place

where the brightest of light lost all meaning

A place

where the reflection of beauty is nothing more than the stars that once were


on the beat of its own existence


by the lights of its own encouragement


for the new day has almost come upon us

The day that is not like the once before
The one that never ends
The last of its kind, but the first of many
The day that the dead will mourn the living

This is the place where I am going to be

A place

where I will never truly be


AlexScribe Avatar


Commented Jul 9, 2018, 8:51:14 AM
Welcome, Aqoun. My standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose.

Not quite sure what to call this, but it has an interesting theme, at least at the beginning. I got lost toward the end. A few technical items:
Mixing tenses seldom works & didn't here (line 5 is past, rest present).
It seems to be accepted now to omit punctuation in poetry but I find it distracting.
'... stars that ones were...' maybe: once were
There are others on this site who have an appreciation for free-form poetry & they may provide more contemporary comments. Write on.
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Jul 10, 2018, 12:23:22 AM
I like free-form poetry, and this is interesting. However, I am not quite sure where you are going with it.