Aqoun Avatar
A prose poem by

Aqoun

Submitted Jul 7, 2018, 9:27:47 PM

A place called tomorow

imagine


A place


where dreams are not a given


A place


where the brightest of light lost all meaning


A place


where the reflection of beauty is nothing more than the stars that once were


Shivering


on the beat of its own existence


Fading


by the lights of its own encouragement


Lost


for the new day has almost come upon us




The day that is not like the once before
The one that never ends
The last of its kind, but the first of many
The day that the dead will mourn the living

This is the place where I am going to be

A place


where I will never truly be

Comments

AlexScribe Avatar

AlexScribe

Commented Jul 9, 2018, 8:51:14 AM
Welcome, Aqoun. My standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose.

Not quite sure what to call this, but it has an interesting theme, at least at the beginning. I got lost toward the end. A few technical items:
Mixing tenses seldom works & didn't here (line 5 is past, rest present).
It seems to be accepted now to omit punctuation in poetry but I find it distracting.
'... stars that ones were...' maybe: once were
There are others on this site who have an appreciation for free-form poetry & they may provide more contemporary comments. Write on.
kt6550 Avatar

kt6550

Commented Jul 10, 2018, 12:23:22 AM
I like free-form poetry, and this is interesting. However, I am not quite sure where you are going with it.