Lately, I have begun to wonder if it was all worth it. I tried so hard for so long to make everything perfect and I almost had it. It's all about balance as you know. All the little things that need to even themselves out, never one thing more important than the others. For so long it was easy. The plants pretty much took care of themselves, and the first small creatures too. I wasn't really that ambitious back then. All I really wanted was the balance and beauty. The first time around I was just learning and really didn't understand what was required. But starting from scratch, you get to learn many different ways to do things. The first thing I had to learn was to balance the rock and the fire. I think that turned out rather well, the way I did it. Using the rock, the fire's own product to contain it until a little bit more needed to be released, and the rock made an excellent base for building the rest. I made a few mistakes back then, but I also learned that mistakes are not necessarily a bad thing. Mistakes are the only way you can learn, the only way you can get better. Well I guess I shouldn't call them mistakes. They just didn't fit with the balance but after a while it all worked out and then I was able to go on to the next step. I think this was probably my favourite time. It was still simple, but it was very beautiful. The balance came easy, and the differences I could create were amazing but still it wasn't really complete. For a very long time I knew there was something else that was needed but didn't know what. So I decided to expand on one of my earlier ideas. I had plenty of water. There was plenty of air. I was only using them to control the cycles of the rock. But the water and air were mostly empty. I decided to try to fill them, but with different life than the plants. Combining ideas from previous creations, as well as a few new ones, I came up with some things that will do very well. There were so many ways I could combine these ideas that I couldn't resist doing them all. Most turned out as expected but a few were very pleasant surprises. Of course there were some that didn't work very well but all in all the ones that remained actually made the balance easier to maintain. It was a little surprising when some of my water creatures, decided they didn't want to be in the water anymore and struck out for the rock. I was a little concerned they may not make it. They may not have what's required to live on the rock, but sometimes even I surprise myself. I didn't realize it, but I had created within these creatures the ability for them to adjust, to remake themselves to live in a new place. Although it was fascinating watching that happen, I couldn't resist giving it a nudge now and then. With this new type of creature came some new challenges in the balance. Since there wasn't much left I could do with the air and the water I left them to their own and concentrated on this new challenge. The cycles I had devised for water, and for the creatures living in the air, I thought, should work just as well on land, but may need to be adjusted slightly. I found the adjustment to be a lot less than I thought. It wasn't very long before my world was a teeming ball of life. I felt so proud of my accomplishments that I couldn't help tell my sisters all about it. I babbled on for the longest time of how I did this and why I did that. I'm sure I started to get a little annoying, but my sisters were gracious and shared in my pride. All but one. Isn't that just the way it is? There's always one that simply can't be happy with a good thing. It was a bit of a surprise when I saw that bit of leftover building material coming towards my world, thrown by my sister who, although I love very much, cannot seem to get along with any of us. I know she sent it just to show that nothing is permanent, to destroy what I'd worked so hard and so long to create. I can't blame her. She was just trying to make a point. Thankfully my rock is far too strong, the plants too resilient, and the water too vast for a single event to undo all my hard work. My last achievement though, the creatures of land, were hit very hard. Almost all of the largest and most beautiful were destroyed. It made me sad that those wonderful creatures were gone. Many of the pieces that I had used to build these creatures were gone as well. Many of the methods were no longer available, but I was determined to rebuild from what I had left. I knew right from the start that the creatures of land would be different than those previous. Thanks to my angry sister, many of my cycles had changed and the old creatures would not have thrived anyway. Thinking back, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised that the new creatures came as easy as they did. I did after all, have a tremendous amount of experience. Even with all that experience I made one very large mistake. I didn't realize that the anger and malice of my sister that was brought to my world in that "gift" she sent had remained hidden in my rock, waiting for the right time to be released. Recently, one of my last creations has found that greed and has taken it to heart. They based their existence on it and have used it to shape the world that I had so carefully prepared. They have so little foresight. They cannot see how their actions are affecting my work. They simply don't recognize the upset in the balance that they are creating and that their type of creature cannot survive in the world they are shaping. Perhaps my sister was right when she said all of our work is doomed to failure. Perhaps there is no permanence, no continuance for us, but only the constant making and remaking that is the foundation and the balance of my world. Perhaps that balance is necessary in all of my sisters' worlds, and in all of the worlds beyond our control. If that is so, it saddens me greatly that I will again need to rebuild this world and that I will lose the creatures that I have grown so fond of. But if that is the way of things I must accept it.
I'm not really certain what I'm asking of you, Mother. I suppose I'm just looking for the strength and a reason to continue my work. Is it truly worth it? When you made this wonderful playground for us, did you think we would get this far? I see the wondrousness of your work and can only hope that I may, somehow, make you proud with my own.
With all my love.