TheBlackTail Avatar
A fantasy story by


Submitted Jan 12, 2019, 8:01:37 AM

A light novel by a teen

Draft (first chapter)
- “shin you’re going to math so can I have your science book please”.
“You’re always forgetting your books Jin, but sure since I have math I don’t mind”.
“thanks, I owe you”.
The day pasted again in a boring blink.
“That’s the bell, I got to go”.
“yea see you tomorrow”.
Shin walked home from his boring school, the river which run by the path shin always used was sparkling due to the light.
“how normal”.
And with that shin walked home.
“Mum I’m home, I got my grades back”.
“really let me see”.
Shin hesitated when handing his mum, the papers, she would never smile or praise him.
“Average again, well I don’t mind since you didn’t fail”.
“I’m going to my room mum”.
“Ok sweetie dinner will be ready soon”
The house was silent beside from the boil of a pot, shin was lying on his bed contemplating why he was so boring, he liked to say he was common and normal but, he knew he wanted more.
“another boring day, well normal is best”.
It was pitch black and cold, Shin was perplexed was he dreaming or was this real, he pinched himself and felt it.
“what the hell, where am I oh, a light.
Shin walked to the light and saw a figure, handsome and tall and wearing a gold crown.
“Welcome my child, I am the demigod Jinx, have summoned you to fight and save your lan- wait you’re not who the one I wanted”.
Shin was puzzled, a demigod and it was real, he wishes he was sleeping but it felt so real.
“Thanks now can I go back Jinx”
“Well you could, or I could send you to another world, I give you this option, so you don’t tell the others what I’ve done”.
‘” Why would I want to go to another world”.
“Well in this world there’s magic and other things your people would consider fantasy, and I can see your past emotion and they show severe boredom”.
Shin stood still for a moment or two and finally.
“I have questions”.
“What will happen to my family if I go?”.
“you will be replaced by a clone who is identical both mentally and physically”.
“Ok, will I be able to speak the language of the world I go to?”.
“Yes, you will be able to read and write and understand their language”.
“Hmm, ok I have one last question, will I remember this world”.
“No, because there is a small chance the other gods might notice something”.
“Can I have something when I go?”.
“I want to keep my memory”.
Jinx thought for a while till.
“Hmm ok, your wish is my command”.
A piecing sound came and then, Shin flicked his black hair out of his face and cleaned his glasses.
“So, this is another world”.
Shin looked around, the roads were dusty, the stalls were full of fruits and artefacts unknown, the buildings that stood out the most where the church, the library and a massive building that Shin had known idea about due to it being far away.
“I should check the library first”.
The library was large and filled with knowledge, Shin discovered the currencies of this world.
“I see one hundred hiku equals one chu and one hundred chu equals one takai”.
Shin headed out to go to the building he saw but couldn’t decide what it was, the building was huge now that Shin was in front of it.
“Oh look a rook” shouted a drunkard from in the building.
Everybody laughed but, Shin couldn’t care less, he walked up to the counter and asked.
“What is this building?”.
The woman responded “this is the guild, where adventurers came for jobs and a good time, what would you like?”.
“Umm… I would like to be an adventurer please”.
“Very well please sign this contract”.
The contract read, Name, age, race, magic level, intelligence and status (wanderer, commoner, knight, noble, royal), Shin filled out the form.
“Uhh how do I test my magic level and intellect?”.
The woman bought out two orbs and asked shin to put his hand on both.
“Oh my magic level fifty and intellect seventy!”.
Everybody in the guild looked at Shin with pure shock, while Shin was confused, “the average magic level for and adult is fifteen and the average intellect is sixty, are you a noble?”.
“No I’m normal, can I sign the contract now”.
“Yes, you may”.
Name: Shin Daku
Age: fifteen
Race: human
Magic level: fifty
Intelligence: seventy
Status: wanderer
“Done here you go”.
“Great we own you now”.
“Oh nothing you can go”.
And with that shin left the building

Chapter two draft
- Shin wandered around all of this town and then had a thought.
“I need a weapon if I’m an adventurer”.
Shin looked for a blacksmith which was relatively easy to find due to the signs on the door, Shin knocked on the door and it opened revealing a massive bulk and hairy man who looked to be a killer.
“Hello I’m here for weapon”.
Shin swallowed when the man looked at him.
” Oh sure come on in”
“truth be told we haven’t had many buyers now days”
“wait I’m new so I thought I could get a weapon for free”
The man’s aura turned dark and cold, shin took a few steps back.
“oh sure it’s the law that we have to give new adventurers weapons for free”.
“oh really”.
“yea came take a look at our selection”
Shin walked over to the counter and the smith presented a bucket of weapons.
“Well its best if I go with a bow since I’m not that strong but a spear could also help me” Shin thought.
“this is all for the rookies but we also have some unwanted items, you can came take a look if you want”.
Shin walked with the smith to the back of the shop.
“here they are”.
There was a ring and small axe and a metal bow as well as mace which was broken and a spearhead.
“I pick the bow”.
“ahh good choice for beginners, keep distance and deal damage, while you’re at it you can have this ring as a gift”.
The ring was wooden with black marks and it was insanely cold, Shin thought it was metal or magic wood as he had read.
Shin picked up the bow and felt warmth from the ring.
“you seem to not have armour how bout I give you some free leather armour”.
“that would be great thanks”.
Shin was in a great mood because of the smith and his kindness.
“ok bye be safe”
“you too”.
Shin left the building with a smile and headed off to the library.
Shin walked into the library and ask the librarian for books about bows, he was given a mountain of books about bows.
“so tired”.
Shin was there all night reading about bows and how to use them, he was also looking at magic and infusing magic with his bow. There was only one book left and it was small, Shin decided to take a look.
“A cobalt bow, a mythril bow and a soul bow”.
Shin read the description of all the bows but the soul bow caught his attention, a bow made of the soul of a fallen god, it is usually disguised as a normal weak bow but, when it is infused with magic it will reveal itself, the user of this bo-, Shin looked at the scribbled word and the torn pages, Shin was alarmed what if he had a soul bow, what would happen to him.
Shin was now in the forest ready to test if his bow was a soul bow, he was scared but a feeling inside made him more confident. He calmed himself the used magic, it was a cold feeling leaking out his fingertips into the bow, Shin was cold but also in pain like he life was being sucked away. Shin opened his eyes to reveal an almost transparent bow with a silver string that seemed to emit light, Shin fell back.
“I have a soul bow but its way to obvious everybody will know”.
Shin felt a tug from his finger the ring was glowing and pulling him to the bow then a voice came.
“you want to hide it right”
“yea but who are you, what’s going on”
There was no answer but the ring turned to a liquid and went to the bow, the bow absorbed the ring and then it turned to wood.
A wood bow was lying in front of Shin, the bow had black markings but looked normal, Shin was pleased with it and then went to hunt with it.
Shin found prey in no time at all and tried the bow on the poor bear, he pulled the string back with ease and let go, the arrow was glowing and hit the bear with a strange thud as if it was hit by a truck, Shin went to look at the bear and found it dead but with no arrow and no hole, Shin did not care as long as he got money and a meal.
“two takai, three chu and six hiku and, just for one pelt, incredible”.
Shin could not believe his eyes he killed one bear and got enough to buy new armour, Shin went to the smith and ask for light armour and was given light steel armour.
“Can I have boots that can increase speed”
“Yes here you go that will be in total five chu and one hiku”
“here you go”
“thanks and have a nice day”
Shin left the smith and went to explore more of the city, there was a crowd gathered around a sign, the sign read ‘Archery competition, winner-one hundred takai and a meal at the royal household’.
“One hundred takai, that’s insane” Shin shouted.
Shin walked off to go practise archery to win that takai.
“This is harder than I thought”.
Shin had been practising all morning to hit the target at a distance and succeeded only twice, but he still kept at it for another week till he was near perfect, and with the competition in one-day Shin took that day to rest.
Chapter three draft
-It was finally the day; Shin was waiting in line at the colosseum with his bow, the line was as long as a river.
“make way for the young lord” yelled a man guarding a teen boy about Shin’s height, the line moved except Shin.
“what do you think you’re doing not moving for the young lord” the guard said.
“is it a law to move”
“Uhh no but this is the next heir to the hibino clan”
“so what”
“while you little- “
“don’t worry guard he can prove his worth and his power in the competition” said the young lord.
The competition is finally starting, it was Shins turn second in which he got a bull’s eyes, almost all of the players had hit bull’s eyes, then for the second round the arrows were different but shin still got though as did half of the competitors including the young lord, it was round three and only fifty players were left but, shin still got pass as did him and the young lord, round four only Shin and the young lord.
“well so you are worth something, but this round you have to infuse magic with your bow and arrows, but I have a magic level of forty-five so you have no chance peasant”
“let’s just get this over with” Shin replied.
The spectators were yelling and cheering for the young lord and booing at shin. Shin knew this would be easy since he already infused his bow with magic and his arrows would most likely became magic when he draws.
“3, 2, 1 and shoot”
Shin let go and a black liquid devoured his bow and arrow and took the form of a beast that made Shin freeze in fear but the audience looked fine as if Shin was the only one who could see it, but Shins arrow completely destroyed the target turning it into dust, the audience was shocked and frozen, the young lords arrow hit bull’s eyes but only burnt the target and the young lord was smirking till he saw Shin’s target.
“wha- you’re just a peasant so how!”
Shin had no answer.
The young lord looked scared and furious as if Shin stole his honour.
“well ladies and gentlemen the winner is Shin Daku!”.
The rest of the day pasted in a blink, Shin knew he had to leave town if he wanted to stay low, so he decided he would buy a horse for ten takai and buy supplies to last him five months for fifteen takai and then leave for the east where it is the least populated but, the safest, to be exact he would be heading for icecaven town till it blows over which is about three months, the fact that a wanderer beat a noble will cause a great disturbance and might make them think there is a revolution on the way, also the beast that Shin saw kept him from sleeping for quite a while.©


AlexScribe Avatar


Commented Jan 15, 2019, 9:57:54 AM
Welcome, Black. The idea here is pretty much you turn it into whatever it should be. Don't know what the format for a manga would look like in English, but there are a lot of typos, missing or awkward punctuation, missing capitals, etc. Maybe someone else in the Den works in your medium. God luck.
- “shin you’re going to math so can I have your science book please”.
"Shin, you’re going to math so can I have your science book please?”
The day pasted again in a boring blink.
The day passed again in a boring blink.
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Feb 17, 2019, 12:43:36 AM
Wow, this is kind of interesting. I don't know how Manga works, so maybe this will fit, and maybe not. You do need a good, hard editing and some formatting to make it easier to read.