Malicepoint Avatar
A general fiction story by


Submitted Feb 4, 2010, 11:44:36 PM

A Fallen Angel

"Whats your name?" the child asks standing on a ledge.
 "Do you ask questions to strangers often child" The man says with a sigh.
"Usually, sometimes father gets upset at me for such questions" the boy says in a mischievous voice.
"My name is none of your concern child" says the man.
"Oh yes it is" the child says as he jumps down the high perch in front of the man"
"You are quite the child to wish to know such unneeded answers" The man says as he tries to brush pass the child.
The child rebounds and jumps in front of the man once again.
"You are persistent child and for that I think I would like to talk to you" the man motions over a siting area on the side of the walkway.The child follows without a second thought.
"Now what is it that you wish to know?" the man says smiling " A child of your nature, I haven't seen since...." the man trial off. "Well for one, I was wondering if it is natural the way you analyze unnecessary things such as the road or the trees or the buildings around." the child says in curiosity.
"Child, you are very observant. You see it has been a very long time since my being in this part of the known world and it is new to me." the man finishes.
"So I'm the only person you have talked to since you came here" the child says with a sad smile that only a child of his nature and portrait could have pulled off.
 "In truth child you are the only person who I have talked to in ye..." The man cuts off in at the last word an corrects his words "Days". "That is" the child stopped trying to find the correct words for what he meant.
"Child, I have a question for you as well. Why do you ask me why I'm so very observant when you yourself is just as or more so than me?" The man says in a inquisitive voice. "Well I have a way of looking at things" the child begins "I know that you are very observant and I know that I am as well but I do not know why I am so observant while all the current people I know other than you, are imbeciles. So which goes to say, will our lives be easier we were stupid than smart" the child says.
"hahaha, oh child you have been gifted by the gods for such intellect. How old are you?" the man asks.
"I am ten" the child says.
"Being as I do not know where anything is in the city, can I meet your father?" the man still pursuing his original intent.
"I have no clue where he is right now" the child states in a plain face.
"I have a another question child, Do you wish to become a philosopher?" the man asks in an almost amused voice.
"That would be a honor but that would be far into the future" the child states.
"Then how about you tell me your name for future reference so I may find you when the time comes" The man says still pursuing.
"I shall become a sculptor before anything, and if I were to become a philosopher my name is,


kt6550 Avatar


Commented Nov 1, 2015, 7:26:40 PM
"Upon entering the room the man who directed them in introduced ... " You have several sentences where you use this type of phrasing, and it is not necessary. Try "Upon entering the room the man who directed them introduced ... "

A good chapter. You set the stage nicely for the action and have an excellent lead for the next chapter. Good job.
pirate60 Avatar


Commented Nov 2, 2015, 8:53:58 PM
As I said before a most excellent chapter. KT points out the items needing to be addressed, that said I can't wait for chp11. Plus your wife's artwork is cool.
Don Roble Avatar

Don Roble

Commented Nov 4, 2015, 4:18:05 PM
Very nicely done. You have really set the next chapter up. Good writing.
Darkfire Avatar


Commented Nov 5, 2015, 8:51:58 PM
I just like to say this was very well paced, refreshingly so. keep going.