Fox Avatar
A romantic fiction story by


Submitted Oct 16, 2015, 2:14:56 PM

A cold night

"I love you."

"I was worried you'd say that."


"Theres a difference when someone says 'I love you' and when someone says 'I'm in love with you."

There are moments in your life that stick with you when it would seem they shoudn't, tiny fragments of time that could have been filled with what at first you might think would be more important things: knowledge, lyrics, inspirational ideas. but in hindsight they mean more to you than all the knowledge in the world, a simple conversation in the right place can make all the difference in the world to the importance of the conversation. at the risk of sounding Cliche - It was a cold night...
  The window was slightly a jar leaving a breeze flowing through the bedroom, a small gap in the curtains revealed a clear night sky riddled with tiny specks of light. An orange glow covered the room from the bulb above my head giving the room the illusion of being lit by fire light; a fire would have done nicely considering the below freezing temparture outside, it had been a cold winter in more ways than one. my bare chest was exposed and the duvet only covered half of my body, the girl next to me always use to hog the covers in no matter what situation, i never complained though, my thoughts had always been something i kept to myself and danced around my mind like balarinas, elegant yet chaotic movements all in one. inbetween my thoughts a conversation was ocuring, taking turns to speak every few minutes between gusts of wind from the window.

"Was it the same nightmare?" my spoke scooping my arm around the shivering young women next to me.

"Yes." she whimpered, her eyes fixed on the gap in the curtains.

"I feel helpless." I continued.

"Your here at least." She continued further.

  Her eyes began to swell and light shimmered off them like beautiful grey gems that mesmorized me as they always could, it hurts me to say that I've almost forgotten how her eyes looked, and it pains me knowing i will never know again. I turned her head away from the window and kissed her lips gently, soft as always and tasting like fresh apples. her body next to mine was the only warm thing in the room, my hand resting on her chest could feel her heart beating strong. if there was one thing that was strong and capable of love, it was that little bundle of mucles within her chest. as she reached to turn off the light her body ceased to shiver, I closed my eyes and drifted away.


kt6550 Avatar


Commented Oct 18, 2015, 1:10:45 AM
"The window was slightly a jar" - ajar

You have a few mispellings like this, especially in the first long paragraph. You need to fix them.

A good story. You could easy expand this.
Don Roble Avatar

Don Roble

Commented Oct 21, 2015, 3:55:04 PM
As kt said.
You need to take this someplace. It's just sitting here as is.
Jay Avatar


Commented Oct 22, 2015, 3:47:03 AM
Really beautiful. Please expand on this, give us a bit more, why will he never know what her eyes look like again?
Aviv Khasanah Avatar

Aviv Khasanah

Commented Sep 27, 2016, 1:04:16 PM
You have written it well. I like this one. You gave a lot of beautiful metaphors. I can truly feel the emotions. Just too short. Please, expand this.