DesertRat Avatar
A general fiction story by


Submitted Oct 3, 2016, 8:56:53 PM

1100 Miles in 17 Hours (Part One)

[For the life of me I can not read nor write fiction. So here's a little something based on a real life event. I do not know when I'll come around to writing the rest, or even if i will. At any rate I greatly appreciate any comment or critique].

1100 Miles in 17 Hours

I left my apartment in Las Vegas at exactly three am and headed south. It took one hour to get to the Nevada/California border in Primm. I took exit one-as far as I know the only exit there is in Primm-and aimed for a gas station.
I knew what I needed: a bathroom break, a gas fill-up and something to eat. I parked next to the pump and noticed the gas price: $3.49 a gallon. One dollar more than in Las Vegas.I went inside to the men’s room and then ordered a breakfast sandwich from a 24-hour Subway, packed to-go. When it came to paying for gas... I decided to get only $15 worth of it, and keep driving farther south in hopes of finding it cheaper later (which luckily I did).
Driving at this hour was hell. My car does not have tinted windows and the light from the cars behind (and incoming ones) blinded me. Adjusting the mirrors helped, but was not enough.
Facing the long road ahead I was tempted to call it quits. But I drove past Baker, and kept going towards Barstow, another 50 miles south.
The 58 freeway that goes to Bakersfield joins the 15 south here, in the town of Barstow. I kept to the right and then took the long curve, exiting the 15 and heading West now on the 58. After only a couple miles I was in another area of the Mojave desert altogether. It looked like farm country, flat, very Californian. Dawn was approaching fast, and I needed to use the bathroom again (that’s what coffee does to you). This time I decided to stop by the side of the road, since the 58 is not a freeway proper at this point; more like a highway, with many cross roads intersecting. I turned right on a street that dead-ended only a couple hundred feet ahead and got out of car.

Ahh the fresh air was nice, a good feeling, but the coldness took me by surprise. It was a very cold morning. I did not have a jacket with me for the trip, so I hurried back inside the car.

The road for the most part is flat here, but there is a beautiful mountain range that has to be crossed before making it to Bakersfield.
The mountains are populated with those big fans that harvest the wind energy. An interesting view. I took some photos while driving.


phillips_brian Avatar


Commented Oct 4, 2016, 4:02:38 AM
I had fun with this piece. I liked the first person story telling. The parenthesis messed me up a bit. When I read it, I had a voice in my head, but that voice didn't know what to do with the parenthesis. My advice, get rid of them.

example: "I took exit One (as far as I know, the only exit there is in Primm) and aimed for a gas station." would become something like "I took exit One. As far as I know, its the only exit there is in Primm. Once I left the exit ramp, I aimed for the gas station."
DesertRat Avatar


Commented Oct 4, 2016, 4:34:39 AM
Great advice, thank you. Gone now.
kt6550 Avatar


Commented Nov 9, 2016, 10:11:22 PM
It reads like a diary entry. Not bad at all. I would add a bit more description of the scenery.