"I don't think one can accurately measure the historical effectiveness of a poem; but one does know, of course, that books influence individuals; and individuals, although they are part of large economic and social processes, influence history. Every mass is after all made up of millions of individuals."
-- Denise Levertov
GHayward
MemberLatest Activity
GHayward commented on the story titled Basant by chika
Hi
A few comments:
>You have quite a few language and grammar mistakes.
>Some of your sentences are too long, dealing with too many things at once. For example, "Alone at home after...
A few comments:
>You have quite a few language and grammar mistakes.
>Some of your sentences are too long, dealing with too many things at once. For example, "Alone at home after...
GHayward commented on the story titled Memories by Saw233
Hi,
I like the casual tone, and how you speak directly to the reader, bub I think you need some kind of hook to grab the reader's attention. For most of the time while I was reading, I was...
I like the casual tone, and how you speak directly to the reader, bub I think you need some kind of hook to grab the reader's attention. For most of the time while I was reading, I was...
GHayward posted the story titled The Cold Dark Box
It started in darkness...
GHayward commented on their story titled The Box
@Nequam95
Thanks for your comments. Much appreciated.
When I started writing it, I had no idea where it was going or who the main character was. However, I thought keeping a victim alive was...
Thanks for your comments. Much appreciated.
When I started writing it, I had no idea where it was going or who the main character was. However, I thought keeping a victim alive was...
GHayward commented on the story titled Ancestor - Epilogue by Nexeus
Pretty cool story. I do like how you are introducing the conflict through dialogue, rather than just telling the reader. Though, parts of the dialogue don't feel natural. I think because this is...
GHayward commented on the roleplay titled Kai's Lore by AmateursFate
Hi
I think the story is nice, with vivid imagery, but you have a few problems that you need to improve on. I suggest you first spend some time proofreading it. Half the time of story writing is...
I think the story is nice, with vivid imagery, but you have a few problems that you need to improve on. I suggest you first spend some time proofreading it. Half the time of story writing is...
GHayward commented on their story titled The Box
@Don Roble
Thanks for pointing that out. I never realised I was over-using commas.
I've gone through the passage and fixed up the comma problem. I hope it reads better now.
Thanks for pointing that out. I never realised I was over-using commas.
I've gone through the passage and fixed up the comma problem. I hope it reads better now.
GHayward commented on the story titled Rise of the Princess (First Three Chapters) by Jay
I read Ch. 1 & 2. Your imagery is very descriptive, and I can easily imagine the scenes taking place in your setting.
The way the story is told reminds me of a fable, or a folk tale. Before...
The way the story is told reminds me of a fable, or a folk tale. Before...
GHayward commented on the poem titled Sometimes... by Demonic
Well done. It's filled with emotion and is very expressive. I also like the slightly repetitive structure... "Most of the time... sometimes", "walk around town" etc.
I wouldn't have thought...
I wouldn't have thought...
GHayward posted the story titled The Box
This is my first piece that I'm submitting for others to read. Any comments, critique, or advice would be most welcome.
