Despise and Despair in the Deadly Desert Domain

Fantasy written by fabellara01 on Thursday 16, August 2007

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Description
words on dying

Overall Rating: 93.6%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 93.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:95%
Imagery:98%
Spelling & Grammar:90%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:95%
The vast desert of sadness is hot and dry Rays of the sun of anguish pierces through my skin i've walked for miles and miles in circles In hope of finding water such as love As i search, this body tries to loose the heat my love i lost as i sweat my moisture away i begin to loose my sense as my body goes dry Such thirst to quench, despair slowly crawls behind my mind I've been deprived of the water for too long In the distance, a mirage slowly appears The closer i get, the clearer it becomes Thirst and despair slowly looses its place And there it was, water right in front of me Moisture leaked through my eyes But i thought i was dry , so happy that i cried I thought that the moisture in me is nowhere to be found But it was there all along, hiding, waiting for the right time to come out It was too good to be true, but it was there When you're thirsty in the desert for too long, you'll drink any water you can find There it was waiting for me to drink Now, i take a sip through my dry cracked lips water runs down thourgh my throat and replenishes everything It was a feeling that i will never forget But! that was my mistake, the despair which i thought long gone was the one pushing me to drink Moments later, i begin to feel my heart slow down my knees fall weak and my balance i lost Next thing i knew, I was on the ground with my face on the sand the water i drank was impure and poisoned What i thought that could have saved me has killed me It pains me to say that despair has led me to my death The assumption of all water is pure, has led me to my demise Water has killed me, love has killed me
   

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Comments

    I love how you compared the feeling of being in the desert and love.
    dont use the term love.. just use.. like. love is a very very strong word. hehe.Wink