Descriptionponderings of the day
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I glance out the window to catch a glimpse of what I thought was my friend pulling into the yard, as I do several times daily, it's merely the reflection of my fingers frantically typing. In a mood I've got absolutely no hold on I continue to type in hopes that perhaps by the end of this page I will. My days drag on into an infinite void of questions. Each day more questions arise only to be met with less answers each time. As many answers as I can produce a thousand other questions are dragged up from my subconcious in to what I would like to think is my concious, however, I'm beginning to wonder if "un"concious would be a more fitting term. I would like to believe that I have the answers, not all, but at least a fair portion to go with all of my questions. However, that is impossible. I know this, so I continue to make up various little excuses and rationings to justify what's going on around here. That's the trouble it seems, I don't think I'm ever really convinced that my conclusions are actual answers, just excuses, that could easily be reversed to fit any type of descision being made, or conclusion being drawn. Apparently part of life is finding answers, a big part. From when we're in diapers to now, all we do is find answers, hopefully. The questions being presented are the only difference, "Tie my shoe" "Here I'll show you" to "Why are any of us here?" to "Am I making the right descisions?" or "Asking the'right' questions?". The answers get more and more difficult to find as time goes on, and frankly, I'm beginning to believe that some of the questions really don't have an answer to match up with. And here we are like a bunch of ants scurrying for a morsel...that doesn't even exsist. Fucking idiots. Which brings me back to my countless glances out the window, at something I very aware is not there. Are we programmed to seek? Is each and every one of us, no matter how satisfied we appear, are we each uncontrollably searching for more? Afterall, what exactly would come of us if we didn't always strive for more? I don't simply mean possesions and success, and security. I also think that we seek answers, blindly, not knowing what will come out of it just because we know that "some" answers are there. We don't know which answers, but merely knowing that some exsist is enough to drive us to find any of them. Am I talking about oppertunity here? Is that what is driving ME to seek said answers? Do I know that amoungst these thousands of questions of mine, there is an oppertunity waiting for me? Do I continue to ask, just hoping I will stumble across the "right" one ?