Punk fRidaYs #000301

Story written by rdm88 on Friday 2, September %12

Member Avatar
new flash fiction every Friday...

Overall Rating: Not Rated

This writing has not yet been rated and therefore this information is not yet available.
These new weapons are fantastic. No blood spatter; a killer’s dream…it’s no wonder the boss is paying for so many to be built. The guy who invented it is a real sicko, truth be told I don’t like dealing with him all that much but his inventions are beautiful. This one works a bit like a staple gun, you hold it in place and push down on a button til it goes click, then out comes a very small blade, similiar to an icepick which then shoots out even smaller, sharper blades like a pufferfish. Works almost every time, clean, instant, quiet… perfect. No blood except the little bit out of their mouth or their nose and that’s not til after, you don’t usually see it. Arthur likes to terrorise people though, like he’s doing to this poor woman’s boyfriend. ‘I’m old school’ he says, he likes the shouting and the threatening and the beating. He even tied this prick up. ‘Where is Bernstein?!’ he bellows into this poor guy’s face, as if he could possibly know. Bernstein never meets the middle men. The miniature baseball bat will be out in a minute if I don’t intervene. ‘There is no chance this guy knows where he is,’’ I almost said Arthur’s name, ‘let’s wrap this and get going.’ ‘Nah, he knows..’ he replies, ‘and he’s going to tell me.’ His face contorts into a half-smile, half-snarl. He has a bloodthirst. This is just a job to me, a way of continuing to live in spite of the conditions, Arthur is more idealistic. He thinks he can be the big bossman one day. I finish looking at this woman’s corpse, I’ll find no answers in her dead eyes. The little trickle comes out of her left nostril and I want out of here. I turn around, make my way to the boyfriend and finish him off with the staple gun. He falls over on his chair. ‘He didn’t know Arthur. So let’s move.’ The girl twitched a little as we made to leave. I get one last look at her as I step over her man, hoping he’s dead but not caring too much either way.

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.

Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?

1 comment

Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • Oh wow. This is really dark and really scary. Nice job.

    Now the bad side. You need a bit of formatting on this.
    - November 10 2022 21:27:28