When first I was told I had become a man... by Saad El-Asha

When first I was told I had become a man...

Poem written by Saad El-Asha on Saturday 13, November %10

Description

...

Overall Rating: 76.8%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 76.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:
Concept/Plot:	64.5%
Imagery:	65.5%
Spelling & Grammar:	92%
Flow/Rhythm:	94%
Vocabulary:	68%

When first I was told I had become a man, I was both happy and sad. I was happy that I would no longer run errands. I was sad that baths with my mum no longer existed. When she told me I should keep my undergarment on, I knew I had grown hairy and physical. Thirty years later, as I welcome my death, I recall when she used to ask what I’d learnt in school, Not taking heed of nudity and soap. We would gossip and celebrate health, As the water changed mood, from hot to cold, From cold to hot.

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.

Concept/Plot:

Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?

Imagery:

Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?

Spelling & Grammar:

Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?

Flow/Rhythm:

Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?

Vocabulary:

Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?

More than 20 years of writers helping writers