Fragile Armor…

Prose written by Aitch on Monday 10, August 2020

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how life taught us to be those people with guards so high up and forgetting that we are allowed to break down too

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Since you were a little kid you learned that if you wanna stand, you gotta lift up your own weight off the ground, place your tiny weak hands on the edge of the table, and with all the strength you have in you, pull yourself up. At that moment you wear a wide hopeful smile, because you realize, you need no help, you've figured out that you have enough strength in that petite body of yours to carry your own weight. A few years pass by and it's time to learn how to ride that bike of yours, soon you're told you should take those training wheels off, that you gotta find your balance. You fall the first couple of times, scrape your knee, bruise your shoulder and get a couple cuts on your palms, but it's all worth it, it's all for that goal, to ride that bike alone, with no help, no training wheels, just counting on yourself . Soon enough time passes by and you're a teenager who's told that you should learn how to count on yourself, even if it wasn't said in those exact words - it could simply be an "I'm busy now", "Not now", or that sarcastic laugh or joke made at your expense - you are told that, it's on you now. Your heart gets broken and you sit there on your bedroom floor, wiping away your tears, stitching your heart back together. You realize that it will always be just you on your own each time, you'll have to put yourself back together with no helping hand; so you start sharpening your edges, building a thick wall around your softness. Years keep going by and soon enough you're a young adult who had a life time telling them, that they have no one but themselves to count on, but soon enough you find out that sometimes even that strong guarded you can break down, that sometimes your hands that aren't as tiny as they used to be can't hold your weight to lift you up, that you can't even keep your balance when you're just walking from your bed to the bathroom. You realize that even though you were able to convince everyone around that you're a rock, that nothing can phase you, that your skin is thicker than the harshness of this world, you aren't; in fact you're still fragile, you're still that soft toddler that needs comforting. Today you're an adult, a full grown human, a person who's an entity on their own, a someone that younger humans come to for comfort and advise. You stand tall and you face the world with a thick armor of memories, you carry the baggage of your past as if it was a backpack filled with feathers. On the outside you're someone who's got it all together, wearing a cheerful smile, standing tall, giving off vibes that tells the world that you're unbreakable; your confidence fills up rooms you walk into, impressing every by stander, grabbing attention by being that strong charming spirit, wearing a warm kind inviting smile. Yet you're still that fragile tiny human on the inside, a person who can stay up all night because someone made a snarky comment about you. Your guards still rise and you go into a defensive mode once you're questioned about an action, you still break down when someone accidentally bumps into an old scar you thought you'd covered so well. You still feel everything, you get affected by every little incident, you just think you gotta hide your emotions, because those are things that should be locked up in a safe place at the back of your closet. Dear you, whoever you are, you know you're just another human roaming around those grounds? You know that your pureness and how sensitive you are make you beautiful? You know it is okay to fall apart at moments of darkness? I know you always thought that you only had yourself to count on, that your weight was yours alone to carry, but I need you to know that sometimes, life lets you stumble into the life of another kind soul to rest, sometimes it's okay to break down into someone's arms and tell them you're tired. It's not giving up, it's not weakness, when you let someone else's hand be the one that picks you when you're sitting on the ground not able to get up, it's totally fine when they keep you grounded when your world doesn't seem to stop spinning around. Dear "fragile human", it's okay to let your guards down and lay for a minute in someone's arms till you regain your strength after the harshness of the world knocks you down .
   

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Comments

    A wonderful essay, very well presented. Excellent work.
    A great message to send, I wish I had read something like this years ago. Great job.