water fountain shower

Story written by Rain Rider on Thursday 2, July 2020

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Description
A day with my children at the fountain

Overall Rating: 91.8%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 91.8% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:93%
Imagery:98%
Spelling & Grammar:90.5%
Flow/Rhythm:86%
Vocabulary:91.5%
One of the many places I enjoyed taking my two children was the Seattle center. There was always something new and exciting going on. Often we would gravitate to a very large fountain with a ledge around it to sit on. The fountain was a large metal doom in the middle of a large bowl. On rare occasions the fountain would squirt water out in step with music that was being played over a sound system. Down near the fountain there would be many children running around dodging the streams of water that shot out. One particular jet shot a steam of water very far from the doom, but very near to us. The stream only came on a particular note, and would leave a wet spot near us in the bowl. My son took an interest in this spot as he stood on it trying to get his shoes to lose traction in hopes of sliding down the bowl. I sat up on the ledge watching in kind of a trance when suddenly the music hit that one note. I instantly recognized it, and as I ran to him taking my coat off I saw the stream coming straight for the top of his head. I wasn’t able to move him out of the way as I saw the water pour down on him. Most of the water splashed off his head to the sides, but he was still pretty wet. I reached him as soon as the stream ended and quickly took his coat off. With the dry part of his coat I wiped down his hair than put my coat on over his shoulders and carried him off to the side to sit down. I would not have worried about it but it was not a warm summer day. For the most part he was dry, and soon his hair was dry to. Above all we never let it rob us of the joy that we were having that day as we continued on.
   

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Comments

    Sounds like you had a good day!
    Nice, concise, pleasant capture of a loving family moment. Something we all can enjoy in simple everyday terms.
    Not that you need to, but if you want to polish it you could check for misspellings. Sometimes they doom your efforts.
    And concise as it is, it might be even more effective if you trimmed out some of the unneeded words. I could be wrong. It's hard to strike a balance that avoids 'padded' on one side and 'stark' on the other.
    Very nicely presented. Good job.