Clear mornings

Story written by Rain Rider on Wednesday 24, June 2020

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Description
A morning on the river bank

Overall Rating: 91.2%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 91.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:97%
Imagery:98%
Spelling & Grammar:80%
Flow/Rhythm:98%
Vocabulary:83%
The mornings have been clear and sunny. I always start the day with a walk along the trail that follows the river. The bank is very steep in most places, but about a quarter mile down there is a beach where I can reach the rivers edge. I walk out on the rocks to where the river takes a slight bend. As I look up river I can see the mountains from where the water comes from. The sound of the water is soothing, and the sight of the whole thing fills me with wonder and amazement. Then the first piercing rays of the morning sunrise burst over the eastern mountains and the scene is transformed into a glorious spectacle of light. The trees turn to a bright and brilliant green, and the sky turned from gray to a soft pearl blue. A million pinpoints of light dance across the ripples of shallow water as it flows in front of me over the rocks. It was like nature was just jammed into forth gear and wide open throttle and giving it all shes got. Once in a while an eagle can be seen hunting for breakfast, or a flock of geese will fly through a few feet above the water. As I turned to look down river I see a huge log that rests on the shore from an early spring flow. I move toward it to take a stand upon it and come face to face with a deer. Shes about thirty feet away, and behind her are a few more. I stop to gaze at them as they all respond to my presence. I stood very still hoping they would not be frightened away. I hoped to enjoy them as long as possible, and thought of how wonderful it would be to have my grand daughter here to see this. They moved along grazing through the trees as they kept an eye on me. As they left the area I took a stand on the log and watched them as they disappeared into the bushes. After they were gone I was reminded of when I was a boy in Minneapolis and would walk the river bank every morning. One morning as I came to the fence along the bank of a large electrical power plant I saw a big sturdy buck standing on the other side. I wondered how strange it seemed to see such a thing of beauty in such an industrial setting. I stood and watched him quietly until he calmly turned and walked out of my sight. Other then the squirrels or the occasional chip monk I rarely saw anything wild in the city. Later on as I lived in the forest I would see them most mornings moving through the yard grazing on the foliage. As often as I see them they always fascinate me.
   

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Comments

    Very lovely, relaxing imagery. Nice work.
    If you check through the text you will find a handful of obvious typos and maybe a couple awkward word choices. No big deal. Easy to fix.
    "... water comes from." Try "water originates."
    "presents." This should be "presence." You have a few passages like this. You may want to do an edit.

    This is a nice writing, but it has an unfinished feel. It seems as if there is more to come. Is there?
    Also, I would break this into several paragraphs.