Mountain

Poem written by Leah4220 on Saturday 30, May 2020

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Description
Continuation of Songbird

Overall Rating: 81.7%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 81.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:79%
Imagery:73.5%
Spelling & Grammar:75.5%
Flow/Rhythm:92%
Vocabulary:88.5%
You trust if you withstand the elements and scale the Mountain, you will master it stand atop the summit and claim it as your own but your chance to break alpine is stolen and you can stay hidden, a dark secret on the Mountainside or surrender yourself to the jagged cliff face and let the stones that were thrown at you tumble down along with your crumpled body As you lay shattered and mangled at the base back to where your journey began you hear a distant Songbird as she retreats into the trees searching for the meaning in this futile excursion The Mountain will stand tall and undefeated for it is part of the Earth the Mountain belongs to her And the part of you, that was him, is lost
   

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Comments

    Great imagery. Heartfelt and sad. There's a reason...nope. Things get better...nope. Sometimes the cruelest message is the denial that for some, it never works out.
    Wow. A touch of despair.

    I would add a bit of punctuation to indicate phrasing and timing. Unless, of course, you wanted to leave that choice up to the reader.