The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Story written by Don Roble on Wednesday 27, May %20

Member Avatar
A different take.

Overall Rating: 73.3%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 73.3% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:65%
The Lion Sleeps Tonight The lion heard the screaming and hollering about a lion in the village. He should be enjoying this. He wasn’t. He was in a sanitary pit. A sanitary pit in a jungle village? They usually just went wherever the mood struck them. When the smell got too bad they’d move the village. The lion looked up and barely made out a face. It was a white face. This was no villager. The lion hoped it wasn’t some poaching party. Then the lion wouldn’t have to worry about what a bore life was. Life would be ending from a large bore rifle. The lion could kiss his butt goodbye. Then the pale, white face spoke. “Why, it’s a cat. It’s a big cat too.” It was a Peace Corps volunteer. She had a degree in engineering. That explains the pit. Nothing could explain her next words. “He’s stuck. We need to help him out so he can roam free as a natural creature of the wild,” she announced to the gathered villagers. “Um, missy, he a lion. We not help him out of pit. He eat us we do.” “Nonsense. He’d be grateful. You ever heard of the mouse who pulled a thorn out of a lion’s paw? Come on, help me, I can’t do this by myself.” No, they hadn’t heard about the mouse who pulled a thorn out of a lion’s paw. They had heard stories about kidnapped boys being raised as jungle boys. That they’d heard of. “Isn’t anyone going to help me? I could attach a rope to my SUV and haul him out of there but it would be so much more humane if you, the people who live with the lion everyday, would do the right thing,” she went on. The villagers had a meeting. They decided she was right about them doing the right thing. They got the rope and the SUV. They threw the rope in and then pushed the SUV in. Then they pushed her in. “Well, it was time for us to move along anyway,”the headman told his people.

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.

Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?


Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • you're a cruel man, Mr Roble. why did she have to DIE? Shock
    sometimes your posts are like reading 'The Joke Bloke' in The Daily Star (an English tabloid) which are so short, yet sarcastic, but crazily funny. I think about them randomly throughout the day and pi*ss myself laughing for no apparent reason.

    Great stuff, my friend.
    - May 27 2020 21:14:31
    • lmao

      Now all they have to worry about is her teaching the lion to drive the SUV. Make his hunting much easier.
      - May 29 2020 20:49:04
      • Cute pastiche of an old fable. It was a slave before it was a mouse. Anyway, Gellius's Androcles was a fable. As all fables, fiction with a point. Point being friendship offered in times of need and the benefits thereof. Your point? Anyone caring to enter a less advantaged culture with the aim of helping must be incredibly stupid? Probably not quite that. But the implication is that all cultures must be left untouched no matter how great the suffering. Unless, of course, there is profit to be made or wars to be fought.
        - May 30 2020 14:00:56
        • dickensonfan- you know this is a humor piece. It 's what I do. Don't psychoanalyze it.
          - May 30 2020 16:47:25