Songbird

Poem written by Leah4220 on Tuesday 28, April 2020

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Description
A poem to express finding one’s true self

Overall Rating: 99%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 99% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:100%
Imagery:97%
Spelling & Grammar:99%
Flow/Rhythm:99%
Vocabulary:100%
With the steady tick of time, she changed Molded herself into who she was expected to be A beautiful, silent bird, wanted only when caged A kept creature deceived to believe she was free And she lost herself Hidden in that happily ever after, fooled by a gilded ring Who she was, unceremoniously shelved Clinging to the memory of what it felt to sing But without her voice, she heard no music at all So that songbird, that showpiece to the world Readied her clipped wings and waited for the fall Yet they carried her, strong and resilient, she soared And she found herself Flying to safety and freedom in the sturdy trees Seeking solitude, but discovering something else She felt the pull of a strong Mountain breeze So to the highest peak, she flew Untethered, she braved the pounding rain And far above, she found someone brand new With the steady tick of time, she wanted to change And she lost herself
   

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Comments

    This was really great. Like any typical male, when I got to the line 'someone brand new', I thought, Oh she found a nice guy. And so the 'she lost herself' threw me. Took me awhile to realize she lost herself like a phoenix. I bet people who have been through this know exactly what you mean. Very well written. Well paced. Well expressed. The metaphor of first escaping physically and then escaping emotionally was well done.
    I agree with dickens. Excellent work.
    @dickensonfan
    , @kt6550

    Thank you! I truly appreciate the feedback. You were correct on both accounts. “The pull of a strong mountain breeze” indicates the influence of another person and “someone brand new” expresses being reborn. I was considering capitalizing ‘mountain’ to better express this and I would greatly appreciate your opinion. Thanks!