Prose written by Griffin on Friday 3, April 2020

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About a journey

Overall Rating: 98%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 98% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

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Gauntlet A thin line strung across the canyon of your past. On the other side is the greenest grass, the warmest touch, the feeling of home. The journey is fraught with danger, so much so that the first step may take months. Looking down into that canyon reminds you this journey has a cost. The first step is NOT the hardest; its what follows that will test your soul. As you walk this tight rope, winds swirl from every direction trying to knock you off your path. Winds of doubt, winds of pain, winds of lust. You cannot turn back but you may stop moving as a form of protection. Paralyzed, you look down. Rivers filled with past tears, heartache and broken promises. Look ahead and keep moving. There is no guarantee the other person will arrive the same time as you, or at all. Too many times, we fall, only to have to start the journey again. But I promise you this, when you both arrive, look into each other and know they are the one; the past fades and life begins.

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    Succinct. Encouraging. Well written. A message for all seeking a lasting life partner. Although, one might note that often, having found one, it becomes a still greater balancing act.
    Anyway suggested improvements that may be actually be worse than what you wrote. 'A thin line' might serve, but 'A tightrope', being more specific, might be quicker to visualize and not impede the flow.
    Perhaps the text might be more concentrated, like this for example, 'Winds of doubt, pain, lust. At times you may need to freeze, shutting down in self-defense.' Or perhaps that weakens it. You decide
    Thanks for the great feedback. I was struggling with the spots you mentioned. I will take another look. Stay safe!
    Very nice. Is this a story, an observation, or a revelation? Seems like a revelation to me. Cool
    I love this, awesome imagery here. I honestly didn't think there were words to do the search for love justice, but I think you've done it.
    a story of motivation, we could all use that nowadays.