I met with KARMA today.

Story written by whosheeba on Thursday 12, March 2020

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Description
Who would have thought that what I am going through behind my skin, hiding all the pain with my smile.

Overall Rating: 46.2%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 46.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:77%
Imagery:72%
Spelling & Grammar:19%
Flow/Rhythm:44%
Vocabulary:19%
I met with KARMA today.. So as I was returning from my office after a usual day, I saw something unusual.. A girl sitting next to me was smiling, which is pretty normal if u are listening something or watching any video and stuff.. but the strange thing was that she did not had any ear phone in plugged in her ears and she was sitting alone.. So I smiled at her and her smile vanished and then I saw it.. her teary eyes.. I was puzzled, no seriously I was… how can someone with such sad face and teary eyes and smile.. while her eyes were telling a different story.. a long painfull story.. I asked her when was her stop coming and she replied “ its a long way for home and she have all the time in world..” I kept quite for a minute and she was again lost in her thoughts, while staring endlessly at her shoes.. After a long pause she smirked and wiped her eyes and looked at me.. And as I was already staring her countinuously was caught gazing then I couldn’t resist so I asked, “ Are you OK? I mean may I help you with something.” She replied, “ oh I wish.” I was again confused.. I asked her again, “what’s the matter dear?” So she took a long breath and started telling and I quote what she said, “ you know I was a fool for letting someone in my life and every aspect of my life and ups and downs and I let that someone know every bit of me all the goods and bads and super bads.. and that someone was so involved that there was not a moment of my life in some days when that someone was not aware how much was I breathing or what I drank or eat that day.. I was a fool that had never expected or demanded anything from that someone other than respect and an unsaid swear to keep my super private things private. Ans that someone knew that the most important thing that i praised in the world was my family my parents, their love, their unconditional proud.. my siblings, my sisters to be the perfect person for them to have their respect and love.. to have them see me as a role model.. after saying this much she paused for a moment and then again started talking.. ” do you know what that someone use to say to me always, that i don’t know the feeling that how it feels when someone is expecting something and doesn’t gets it..“ she said.. "I used to laugh at it but then i lost the only thing I expected and first while letting that someone in the life, respect..” “It was the very first time when I understood how it feels to get disappointed, but I was quick with it and I made do with it.. tried to forget it again and again for so that but it never stopped.. and each time it was a new level of pain, a new level of disappointment.” But I thought it was the end and I took a decision.. She paused again after saying this much, and I could see and feel the pain that was pouring out of her eyes at that moment.. after some seconds she started talking again.. she said, “I thought this was the end but it was not.. that someone was not agreed to it, that someone wanted to be there, and tried everything almost and in between of trying everything shattered my life..” “That someone vomited all my life’s bads and super bads in front of the only thing that i was holding dear.. my family..” “this was a deal breaker and that someone still doesn’t knows that.. that someone is stilling living in it’s bubble world ignoring reallity..” “that someone who has left me all exposed, divested, in dishabille, disrobed..” “that someone left me with no bubbles around me of fiction or with no one to see in eyes and be happy the thought that yes they are proud of me..” “and now that this has happened, the only thing i feel is this vast emptiness that is never ending.. with no hatred for that someone or anger or dissappointment anymore.. but just one thing regret. ” “ regret for being want i became, regret for letting that someone in life, regret for having so many flaws, regrets for every breath taken..” and then she paused again and as I was about to ask something we heard the announcement.. next station is delhi cantt and she stood up.. I rushed behind her towards the gate as she was exiting and asked tell me your name atleast.. she smiled again and said “you can call me KARMA.”
   

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Comments

    Quite good. I loved the twist at the end.
    Wow. This was a challenge. Clearly on its surface, the story needs a whole lotta grammatical clean up. But there are such subtle possibilities in the story. Is this teary woman real? Or a projection of the listener? The other spooky one didn't hit me until I got to the end. So this girl feels destroyed by the betrayal...and is smiling. At the end she names herself KARMA. I put those two pieces together and thought this does not bode well for the betrayer. Anyway, I don't know whether or not you want to get better at grammar. You certainly could. But your story works just the way it is. You and James Joyce.
    Thank you for your feedback.

    I am working on this writing some more and will soon post it here. .. And yes she is an imagination. She is just a character made up by the protagonist, as she is suffering from Betrayal trauma but she has no conscious awareness of this trauma, which is leading it to PTSD. I will try to be more expressive with my writing in the future. ..

    And for the confusion or questions you have about what will happen next will all be answered in my next submit hopefully.