Essay written by Don Roble on Monday 2, March 2020

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Lying is an art form.

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Lying can be an art form. When you stop at Snooky’s and he tells you he used to be a Congressman you know that’s a lie. If he tells you he once took an engine apart, blindfolded and drunk, you find that believable. It’s a lie but you believe it. He wasn’t drunk, he was hopped up on speed. He took the engine apart with a sledgehammer. He wasn’t blindfolded, he was couldn’t tell he could see. Politicians don’t count. Yea, they have it down pat but there a genetic link to this. They all have a gene missing or mutated. They lie, you believe it and so do they. That’s not art, the reasoning here is it’s not a lie unless you get caught, indicted and convicted. The Irish are well-known as “great liars we are.” My Irish grandmother referred to it as storytelling. When I asked what the difference was she told me, “The words aren’t the same, ninny.” Lying in court is called perjury if you’re caught. It’s called expert testimony if you’re not. Guys and gals lying to each other is an act of self-preservation. Telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth has screwed up a lot of perfectly fine relationships. Lying here is art in all it’s glory. What are you going to do? Tell a fat girl she’s fat or that there’s lot of her to love? Tell a guy he’s short or that you don’t have to stand on your toes to kiss him? Guys lying to other guys doesn’t even count. It’s bragging. It’s accepted as that and, since no one believes it, no harm done. The biggest lie is met with a yawn, either out in the open or stifled. Either one is okay. Advertisers are all liars. That car doesn’t come equipped with that babe. That car won’t get you that babe. That babe doesn’t exist. She a computer animation that causes the computer geek to salivate. This causes a short and blows the computer up. But this babe is great art form. Children lie to their parents as a matter of survival. They are very imaginative. A broken lamp will be blamed on a squirrel that got in and went berserk. Children believe that lying to a parent isn’t really lying or, at least, it doesn’t count as a lie. Yet, when they grow up and get lied to by their children they go berserk, like the squirrel.

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    Pretty good work. Your take on lying is really interesting. Liked your work Smile
    lmao! Don, how true! True, yet funny! Very good.

    Oh, you may want to fix this. Last line, first paragraph.

    "He wasn’t blindfolded, he was couldn’t tell he could see."
    Great work as always Don. I noted some grammatical slips here, mostly due to words missed:

    - "She a computer animation that causes the computer geek to salivate." - She's or She is
    - "But this babe is great art form." - is a great art form.. is an art form.. this one seems like two thoughts in your mind merged into a broken sentence.. happens to me all the time Smile
    - "He wasn’t blindfolded, he was couldn’t tell he could see." - This one seems similar.. maybe you meant "he was so high he couldn't tell he could see" ?
    - "Yea, they have it down pat but there a genetic link to this." - there's a genetic link
    - "The Irish are well-known as “great liars we are." - the great liars we are
    - "Tell a fat girl she’s fat or that there’s lot of her to love?" - there's a lot of here to love, or there's lots of her to love
    Oh spot on! So true. Would I lie? Anyway, it was all so concise, so evocative of the everyday lies that flow through our culture that both sustain us and amuse us and provide our daily shot of lethe. The squirrel image was just perfect. The best lies are the whoppers deliberately told to children who will invariably call them out with bursts of laughter and rudeness. They always give me a moment of playtime before I must re-enter the insanity and cruelty and ignorance of this mendacious world.
    I didn't believe a word of that, Don, y'lying b***ard.
    This is just 11 years of nostalgia for me. you even mentioned 'Snookie's,' (which sounds like Snooker, which is a game comprised entirely of....balls).
    Of course the English translation of 'balls' is 'bollocks' which is what l, and all liers, and this was a very entertaining 'load of bollocks' which puts you, my friend, among our number.....welcome.
    Right, I'm off t'the man cave. Hope you've tidied up?