Hooks

Poem written by Karamazov on Monday 17, February 2020

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Description
A light poor poem of something heavy

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No ground below or feeling above No life around or after above With heavy feet sink below Grasp the gravity And for ground Feel the heat and the hooks For your love they have come Not you, but the ones who feel What’s been done Lacerate the ones who care Place them in a horrible snare Claim the world was unfair But what you did, How can you dare
   

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Comments

    I like this, I think it is good, but for one thing.

    You need more punctuation. Punctuation is used to indicate pacing, timing, and phrasing. I would stick a bit more punctuation in this.
    It's different.
    There's optical illusions where you look at it for a while and it appears to be something other than what you first saw. I can read this poem and see someone who was hurt. And then read it over and see a psychopath. I definitely did not like it. I'm just not comfortable with scary ambiguities. Admittedly my problem, not yours.