Dear heart:

Poem written by musings on Saturday 15, February 2020

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Description
A constant war between the heart and the head; where the former often outwins the latter.

Overall Rating: 97.6%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 97.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:99%
Imagery:96%
Spelling & Grammar:97%
Flow/Rhythm:99%
Vocabulary:97%
I tried to call for a truce, oh heart, with you For those innumerable things that make your wings flutter Those things that leave you with hope even in the face of heavy odds Those which leave you stupidly optimistic; I tried to make you realize when to lower your wings, even cut them off at times, Because there would not be any good, if you'd fly long enough only to fall down, your wings tired, in the sea of reality, and drown yourself. I tried to reason with you, that we'd face it together My thought and reasoning With your tenderness and feeling. But you oh heart, always flew onwards never turning to look back at me and overlooking the troubles that lay ahead. But what can i say, We embody the same being And so I've always got your back no matter what, However hard you try to shake me off. Love, brain.
   

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Comments

    Very well done. Excellent work.
    What a nice tone poem about the struggles between the heart and the head. The heart has reasons. Etc. It's hard to comply with the instruction to provide constructive suggestions when I really wouldn't change anything. Keep that in mind with these dumb comments:
    'Cut them off' probably ties to the first verb 'tried' but visually it connects to realize...which is more brutal than I think you meant. In desperation one might try to clip the butterfly's wings, but hardly expect it to chop off its own.
    'Because there would not be any good' seems awkward. Maybe, 'Because nothing good will come of it' But it makes the point just the way it is. So never mind.
    There. I've done my job. Now follow your heart and ignore it.