That Night in Newport

Horror story written by TVincent on Sunday 19, January 2020

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Description
Excerpt from my current project.

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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Under the cover of the moonlight there is cramped building at the end of a block of houses, inside lived Theodore Walker who sitting at his desk, working late into the night. From beneath the gaze of his oil lamp, he punched the final letters onto the piece of paper before him, the ink bleeding into the emptiness of the page, trickling down further and further. Theodore removed the ink-stained parchment from the machine and held it against the light, hoping the secrets that hid within the words would reveal themselves to him, like some nameless creature creeping towards the lone ember meandering in the void. He laid the page on top of the pile at the edge of his desk that let out a breath of dust as he dropped the stone paperweight on the stack of paper. Theodore blinked heavily, removed his round-framed glasses and began to clean them with his tie. He halted abruptly, hearing a noise in the street outside. The chair rasped as Theodore pushed himself up from the desk, swallowing the last drop of cloudy liquid from his glass as he crossed the room with his lamp in hand. Upon opening the window a hideous stench filled the room and swam into his nostrils, making him double over and retch. It was like nothing he had ever smelled before, or ever wished to smell again. Now holding his balled tie to cover his breathing, Theodore rose to the window. There was abnormal fog hanging over the cobbled street below, which he deduced as the cause of the stench. It looked stale as it hung in the air he thought to himself. His attention was snatched towards the alley that sat almost parallel to his window, as a warm, flickering glow manifested against the wall. Blasphemous specter-like shadows danced on the brick. For a moment their movement looked rehearsed, swaying and bowing in unison. But then the light became brighter and continued to brighten as the figures motions became frantic. This chilled Theodore to his core as he forced himself to look away. He shut the window and closed the curtains, moving as erratically as those accursed specters that still danced around in his mind. Even after closing his eyes, Theodore failed to expel them, as though they were burned into his eyelids, forcing him to begin clawing at his face, attempting to seize the wretched images from his head. He collapsed in a twisted heap in the corner of the room and he mouthed unspeakable languages as his body convulsed into the morning.
   

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Comments

    "the ink bleeding into the emptiness of the page"

    I like that, very good.

    I enjoyed the story the ending was well written.
    "Upon opening the window a hideous stench filled the room and swam into his nostrils, " - This seems to be a bit much. How about just a swim into the nostrils?

    "He thought to himself." Who else does on think to? How about just "he thought"

    You have some nice imagery here, but it seems as if you are trying too hard. I would let this soak for a bit and come back to it. Also, how does one "convulse into morning?" That little phrase really does not work.

    A nice scene, now make it a great one.Cool
    I agree with the previous comments, and I would add something about this line:

    "...hoping the secrets that hid within the words would reveal themselves to him, like some nameless creature creeping towards the lone ember meandering in the void."

    Without context, I find it a bit confusing; why are there secrets within the words? Is he transcribing an unknown language, or a cipher?

    I find your imagery and simile very intriguing. The aforementioned line "like some nameless creature creeping towards the lone ember meandering in the void." I find this to be really provocative, and I instantly get the feeling it goes for. That being said, I wonder whether making refining it to be more concise allows the overall writing to flow a little more. This would make full use of your effective imagery, and create some prose that really draws you in.

    Just the thoughts of an amateur reader Smile good luck with your project