The Knight

Story written by onix on Saturday 18, January 2020

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Description
A short scene of a knight after a battle.

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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This is my first story. I'm not very good at grammar. My wording gets a little different through the story, and I am a complete beginner. Sorry if its a bot off(i rushed it a little towards the end) Thank you for reading. The last Knight rises to the field of death, ash in the air and the river red. The knight sheaths his steel and gazes into the devils work. His beating heart fills with anger, sorrow and regret as he looks upon the still bodies of his brothers, allies and rivals. The standing knight bends the knee and bows his head. "Holy father I beg of you to forgive us men for as greed has taken our souls. Holy father please let let light shine through this dark day for as the shadows of evil has corrupted this land. Holy father please show me mercy for my act of evil as it can never be undone." Tears from the sky hail down to the blood soaked land clearing any ash and flame. Once more the knight raises to his feet, head tilted north and arms at his side. He then proceeds to unbuckle his scabbard and let his blade drop to the ground. He removes his helmet , looking upon it one last time before tossing it into the dirt. The man walks into the direction of the dark tainted forest never to be seen again.
   

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Comments

    The last Knight rises to the field of death- from -the field.

    "Holy father I beg of you=- comma after father.


    Tears from the sky- tears?


    This a very good story, It is well-plotted and has a great ending.
    I think you do yourself a disservice with your intro. My grammar isn't great either but your story is interesting and emotive.
    This is quite good. You paint a tragic picture, which, I believe, is your intent. A simple thing, however, needs clearing. Consider this paragraph:

    "He then proceeds to unbuckle his scabbard and let his blade drop to the ground. He removes his helmet , looking upon it one last time before tossing it into the dirt."

    You have a lot of words you don't need here. I believe you are trying to make an impact. Sometimes, fewer words work better. Consider:

    "He unbuckles his scabbard and lets it drop to the ground. He removes his helmet , looking upon it one last time, before tossing it to the dirt."

    Get the idea? A good first effort. Keep writing, you need to find your voice. And you will, I've no doubt. Cool
    Thanks all for the advice.