The Snake

Story written by Don Roble on Sunday 5, January 2020

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A snake on a plane isn't comfortable

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The Plane and the Snake. The plane was flying very smoothly. It was so smooth the pilot and co-pilot were barely able to stay awake. They could have taken turns napping on this long flight. The problem was that if something happened neither thought the other could handle it. Still, things were going perfectly and they were very relaxed until the phone rang. The co-pilot answered it. It was how the flight attendants talked to the pilots without the passengers hearing. It usually wasn’t a sexy call either. That was for later. “You have what?” “What’s the problem now? Someone throw up on someone?” the pilot asked. “Oh, it’s a lot better than that. Get this. They say there’s a boa constrictor on the loose back there. A boa constrictor. They want us to do something about it. Hah!” There was no chance he was going up against one of them. He felt like checking to be sure the door was locked. “Snake? It won’t be any bother to us so why tell us? Flight attendants has so little they have to know and they come up with this. They must take stupidity tests to get their jobs.” “I think they want you do something.” You as in not me. “Well, we can’t leave here so do we have an Air Marshal on board?” the co-pilot asked. “Pay attention at the pre-takeoff planning. We have to know.” No one on the plane did know. It was supposed to be a deterrent. What a dumbass. We can’t leave the cockpit is what I know. It’s all I need to know. I wouldn’t chase a snake even it I could, the co-pilot thought. The pilot asks if there is an Air Marshal onboard. If so, see the attendants. The Air Marshal slaps her face. No one was supposed to know if there is an Air Marshal on board. She wasn’t going to respond to a call like that. She was going to report this pilot. She wasn’t going to talk to an attendant. She looked down the aisle to see that everyone was screaming and crouching on their seats. What she didn’t see was the why. Why were they doing this? Should she check it out? Yea, there could be a hijacker where she couldn’t notice. Might as well haul this... .45 out. She reached up under her skirt and drew her weapon. It was a relief to get the thing out of there. It ribbed her thigh. She saw a snake. It was about a foot long. She decided that no hijacker would think a one-foot snake was going to accomplish anything. That might not be true but a snake loses to a.... .45 every time. She wanted to pick the snake up and whip every single one of these passengers. She had to decide whether or not to take some sort of action. She knew that could blow her cover, if she did anything. On the other hand, if the panic spread to the cockpit and there was a crash she would definitely die. That was not a reasonable action. Well, damn. She went up the aisle and picked up the snake. She shot every one a disgusted look and took the snake to the steward area. She really wanted to shoot a couple of people for being afraid of a foot-long snake. One of the stewardesses asked her why she brought the snake there. “We don’t want that thing back here.” “Well, I can’t very well open a door and give it a good toss now can I?” “No, I guess not. You could have taken it someplace else- like the cockpit. Those bastards might be stupid enough to let you in.” “Well, if they did they might panic like you’re doing.. Can you survive a crash? If they don’t panic I have to arrest them for letting me in,” she said. “No one here cares if you arrest them after we land. Al they ever want is sex anyway. They fly airplanes better then they fly us.” “Well, that’s on you, pun intended. Now, I’m going to flush this thing down the toilet. It can’t survive that.” She went to one of the restrooms and found it locked. She yelled for whoever was in there to open the door. “Go to Hell. I’m in here and I’m staying in here.” That was no the answer she expected or would find acceptable. “Look, I’m an Air Marshal. I’m ordering you to open this door and I mean right now.” “I’m telling you I ain’t doing it. Try the next one.” Now she was pissed. Air Marshal or not, it was time to be a normal person, “You can either open this door so I can dispose of this snake or I can shoot the lock off. If I do that, I will shoot you too.” The door opened and a whiter than white steward stepped out. She looked at him and said,”You damn sissy-boy.” She flushed the snake. She turned around to see old lady standing there. “What did you just do? You reach in there and get my snake out. It was my comfort snake.”

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    lmao! Fantastic! Great ending, Don! Superb!
    I never saw Snakes on a Plane, but this sounds a lot like it.