Vampire Bats

Story written by Don Roble on Tuesday 3, December %17

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Description
What you see isn't what is there.

Overall Rating: 90.133333333333%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 90.133333333333% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:91.666666666667%
Imagery:93%
Spelling & Grammar:97%
Flow/Rhythm:84.666666666667%
Vocabulary:84.333333333333%
Vampire Bats Little Donnie got his first pair of glasses at age four. It changed his whole outlook on the world. Now he saw that he had only one right hand instead of three or four. His whole world became smaller and less blurry but not a lot smaller and not a lot less blurry. It was to be a mixed blessing. The other kids loved play tag in those “this is fun despite being aggressive and destructive to the ego” days. The kids loved to tag Donnie and watch him being “it”.He’d go to tag someone and tag air. The other kids wouldn’t even run. They knew, even at that age, the odds were four or five to one in their favor. It was a sucker bet. None of this has much to do with this story except the vision part. Little Donnie also saw thirty bats swooping down from the ridge when it was just a couple. He’d run screaming into the house. His siblings would make fun of him. As he grew older his vision corrected itself fairly well. He hated wearing glasses and the “old eye patch over his one decent eye to help strengthen his weaker eye.” He felt blinded so he'd take it off as soon as he was out of sight. One day, his friend, Pukie, reminded him that he was afraid of bats. “No, Pukie, I used to be. I’m not anymore, except for the vampire bats. They worry me. They can suck you dry in a flash.” “There’s no such thing as vampire bats, you twit.” “Now, Pukie, that’s not true. You’ve seen all the Bela Legosi movies. There he stands in the dark, foggy courtyard staring up at the second story bedroom window. He’s a vampire; they like dark, foggy nights. There’s a beautiful virgin up there wearing a sheer nightie. He’s looking up and then starts looking around for a ladder. Then he smacks himself in the head. He can turn into a bat and fly up there. So, he does. Then he turns back into Bela. He’s a vampire. You trying to tell me that he’s not a vampire when he turns into a bat?” “I’m not telling you anything except you’re a senseless twit.”
   

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5 comments

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  • Hahaha I like this! Is this part of a larger story?
    - December 04 2019 23:38:51
    • It is a part of my life if that's what you want to know. I've led a humorous life. My writings are full of true stories (color added for effect).
      - December 05 2019 04:28:34
      • I loved the line, "this is fun despite being destructive and aggressive to the ego"

        The story read like a believable conversation between children. I could see flecks of truth in them. Vampires are my favorite horror characters, so I appreciated the nod to Bela Legosi.

        Did you intend to use the work "...sick you dry in a flash"?
        - December 06 2019 03:33:07
        • Madhatter, no. I corrected that. This is an example of my shout.
          - December 07 2019 21:24:16
          • lol However, Don, somehow I cannot see Bela smacking himself on the head! Cool
            - December 07 2019 21:27:38