Float Out Volume 1: Dead Dreams

Poem written by rdm88 on Wednesday 20, November 2019

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Selected verses from my time in Dundee (2015-18)

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"Put all your dreams in the hands of one person, then watch them die as everyone laughs This is how it feels to really lose the plot.. and sometimes we don't even work in paragraphs So we just float out as we think of how to get to Paris. The unraveling of a mind '#1702 Paint dreams bleed music don't listen to your head your dreams may not all happen but some of them might Only love can feel like this only love can ever hurt like this but I don't know what love is After all it's just a kiss it could never last a thousand years except in my head and that's where it all happens The demon grabs me and his hollow charms shout endlessly into the night I scream and I gnaw and I fall down and I collapse under the weight of my own mind My baby's gone my baby's gone they took her away from me and it's killing me inside The echoes and the whispers I know none of them are true - is this reality? Did any of this ever happen outside of my numbness and my loneliness? What is it your trying to hide? We have to go back we have to go back there is no going back All the advice was terrible, all the stories end this way My baby's gone It's so dark it's so quiet drives me round the bend my baby's gone my baby's gone...' A Snapshot of an Unimportant History A snapshot of history fueled by drugs and booze and booze and no small amounts of lust THAT KISS he would never forget, the greatest night of his life Wasn't it just The glowing moon in the water illuminated you a snapshot I see always This was the summer moon I heard of in years to pass NEON LOVERS NEVER LAST it churns my stomach still a snapshot of the first and last and only time we ever parted ways Orchestra on the way to the Skye "There must be something else" How I would love so dearly to drift away to that great concert in the sky To belong to the world that I should have found To walk among that sound Something keeps me down here That world so far away from I Yet somehow tantalisingly near Faces I long to recognise though cannot see from where I stand That world in the skies, a distant mystery Mortal emptiness in my hands I can hear that faint orchestra I can see and old shadow Yet down here I must see out time So slowly.. so slow #161802 And the lost boy looked over a disused motorway only to find it fully functional As the buzzards gathered and the judges gavel fell Condemning him to a life of loneliness They all laughed for they were never to know his pain That laughter will accompany him to the grave tonight After this everything was so black and reality so brutal there was really no choice but to go back the way into a time where there was some sunshine but even that was tinged with such sadness so he surrounded himself with imaginary friends like singers as he found a book the only book that he would manage to savour and ration and then he found a friend and then another but the sky would fall again and the screaming became different though louder and music was starting to sound like shite and he could only dream of death rather than what was to come in a remarkable series of moments.. Imagining Her As My Friend (another one for Amy) You could have come around You could have played your new tunes I would have understood (you) Now you only exist in your sound You told me love was a losing game I would have understood (this) Now the words are all that remain I dreamt of meeting you (one day) To have you in my room I'll never meet you now I wonder if I too am doomed To live alone the way you did A possession of others' expectations Lost in the dark and impossible to relate to Impervious to joy and other peoples' congratulations Preoccupied with fantasy What could never be Dreading the moment the sun goes down An ache so fragile and ready to break The days just string together they mean nothing You could have come around (but) You never did You never will Get lyrical! C Am Am7 Me and Diego we live on the edge He's a man of war he fights his pitch battles I fight mine in my head Me and Suzanne long to live with gypsies She's in tune with life I've lost my rhythm We live in very different cities Me and Captain Steve came close to our dreams Saw them slip away never to return It kills us every moment in between Me and Patti we once had a friend Who took us to a new world down a rabbit hole Broken hearts never truly mend The fighter, the woman, the childhood dreamer All taught me the very same lesson Broken hearts never truly mend #160030 Portraits, close-ups, a pot of tea The aching gut punch of a memory They took her from me, away from me Obsessions old and new Rushing to the shop for a bottle of glue I never was true, never was true She holds her jacket, a cigarette and opens the door To a brave new world captured in photographs My struggles are no-one else's they are only mine Still the shade of blue that I adore Seasons, sharp winds, sands of time, sometimes things change I hear the names of Kimberley, Gloria and Kurt Cobain An itch, a shake, a scratch, an ache Joey Ramone and the brothers of sedation Watching the clock and the hour of creation As I long for you I'll do well to remember That memories lie, memories lie too Joe Pantoliano ...is creeping around my dreams Selling meth heads a sunbeam I think he's got some very bad news But what do I know? Joe Pantoliano ...is hiding in my room Telling me all my sins with a menacing grin He's the harbinger of doom And this isn't a TV show Joe Joe friend or foe Joe Joe Pantoliano There's reason you're here Joe, I want to know Joe Pantoliano ...isn't here anymore, at my door Or in my mind where maybe he belongs No warning sign, he's just gone He'll come back when the time is right To stalk me again In the night Joe Joe where did you go? Did you unlock all the secrets of this dimension? Joe Joe I want to know Funny Little Nightmares Funny little nightmares all around Skin is falling off, there's people in the ground They rot away never to be found Funny little nightmares shaped by regret Eleven years old obsessed with death Soaked in amyl nitrate are my cigarettes Funny little nightmares blazing fire Once got high, never got higher I wear clothes made of barbed wire I always remember when I first knew That nightmares are real, they always come true Happiness - an elusive delusion I willingly begged for my natural execution For I could never escape the nightmare It took me away and never let go I long for the day when the nightmare is over When I can escape this horror show A Sign of things to Come? (Onto June...) The guillotine was oh so close I felt the sheen of that razor blade Someone very nearly put the lights out... I do not have the descriptions of these words. SALVATION. HOPE. The song sung blue, in battle, song of war, song of peace Sung on the beaches, sung at the grave The culmination of something not quite a dream I'd seen the dream and lived it a while This was something else Contentment. Were you the one, was it you? It doesn't matter now The names and faces of people and places The list goes on and on... Takes these jewels and bang on this drum All yesterday's parties happened without you Yet the impossible really came true A sign of things to come? An algorithm has broken the rhythm of the system. "We all have our secret worlds, we are all endlessly dreaming Nightmares start here with a voice that masquerades as truth The glory days and rapture have come and gone, they are long over I no longer recognise myself in those lost dreams of my youth" Fin © 2018 Tourist the Sleepwalker

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    What are these?

    '#1702...#161802 ...C Am Am7...#160030

    Whatever they are they don't belong there.
    Don, they are the titles of that particular section of verse.
    Now, I know that this is a collection of Free Verse, and it would be quite good except for one thing.

    Even Free Verse has a sense of pace, or timing. It is usually indicated by punctuation. You need to add punctuation to these to put pauses in the phrasing where you want them.