Wishes

Poem written by Lonelyhearts1224 on Friday 28, June 2019

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Description
If we could make all our dreams come true, with magic.

Overall Rating: 86%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 86% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:100%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:100%
Flow/Rhythm:50%
Vocabulary:90%
What would we give to be young once more; Tour that playland made world where our childhood dreams soared. Teleport with a puff to fair places we'd visit; Aims that time let effaced like a snowflake's ceased glisten. Special things that assure us would yield quantum joy; In a flash they'd appear with a nebulous glow. To ascend, through night's breeze almost grazing the stars; A grand mystical journey, in our own carpet rides. Close friends, once held dear, viewed now as quite foes; Mend those ribbons long shredded with tear's dust and hellos. To stump or mere stun death with just one snap; Breathe hope to folks needing a welcome, a chance. Dismiss our misfortunes with the twirl of a wand. Unnerve our opponents with an amulet's charm. Rescind our own struggles with one roll of the dice. and relive cherished moments with the wink of an eye. To drown or inhume our gravest despairs; Retract hostile words that'd bring shame in the end. Renew sacred vows with a heavenly whiz; Forgive and forget with love's magical kiss. To scrawl our own stories; Our own fountains of youth. Health elixirs, love potions, each spellcaster's best brew. To reclaim our good names with humility.... If only our wishes would vouchsafe with such ease. written on: April 25, 2019.
   

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Comments

    Such imagery in this! Wishes... spun in such a colorful way.
    The Concept stayed on track (100%) and your Imagery and Vocabulary near perfect to me (90%). I will be the first to admit I am not the greatest when it comes to Spelling and Grammar, so I will give you a auto pass (100%). The only thing I had a rough time with was Rhythm of it. Some of the words feel out of place, like you tried to hard to find a similar word in a Thesaurus.

    In times like this, I would like to pass something on that my Mother taught to me.
    K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple Silly
    Sometimes keeping things short, sweet, and simple can make it so much stronger that it is. Now as I said before, I am not the greatest with my vocabulary, so I apologize for not being able to help with wording.

    All in all, I did enjoy it, and your words here speak volumes on how most of us feel at some point in our lives. Truly, a great job.

    Best of Wishes to you.
    Very nice. One little caveat:
    "Close friends, once held dear,
    viewed now as quite foes;"

    "quite foes" or "quiet foes" ?