Gods below

Story written by dutt on Saturday 8, June 2019

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A series of short stories about the passing of time, and gods

Overall Rating: 89%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 89% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:90%
Land of the Hearth Faronok felt like his chest was a black void, threatening to engulf his whole being as he carefully made his way deeper into the dark cave, flint knife in hand. He heard the river further ahead in the cave and knew it was close. His son hadn’t even mentioned the wound after that fateful hunt, but some evil spirit had snuck into him because it wouldn’t heal properly and soon it started to smell and fester. And now here he was, drifting into the life after this one. As he put the small body onto the weed raft he had carried with him, he couldn’t help but attempt one last prayer. Hear my voice Gods of the dark Hear my thought Gods of the deep Hear me Give me my son back Hear my voice Gods of fate Hear my thought Gods of death Hear me Give me my son back Hear my wish Gods of the dark Hear my need Gods of the deep Hear me Gaul As Faronius and his brother got close to the cave they suddenly heard rustling in the nearby wood, some birds flew off, and soon after Faronious heard the melodic tongue of the raiders. Reckless as usual, the raiders didn’t seem to care who heard them after the legions left. The brothers froze, and then tried to hide as adrenaline started coursing through their veins. Faronius looked at his brother who, always the brave one, started to peek up behind the bush. He only looked up for an instant, but it was enough as a yell rang out from the valley. Someone had seen him. They both rushed towards the cave, maybe they could lose them in the dark. Faronius brother tight on his heels and the raiders running further behind. Suddenly his brother gave a gut-wrenching scream, and when Faronius looked back he saw a spear sticking out of his brothers chest. For a second fear froze Faronius as he saw his brother collapse, but then he ran back to drag them both into the darkness. His mind dragging up an old prayer from his grandmother in an attempt to ask the gods for help. Maybe there were powerful old gods here, where few men tread. Hear my voice Gods of the dark Gods of the deep Save us from the raiders Hear my voice Gods of the dark Gods of the deep Save us Francia Faro and his betrothed snuck out of the village and ran away up the hill to get to the next valley. He could barely contain his excitement over the new cave, he really wanted to show off his new find. And once she saw the cave it was worth it, her smile when they came around the ancient tree was glorious. Her smile was a ray of sunshine he could look at all day. She saw his reaction, laughed and lit the torch before heading into the dark entrance. Their flickering light slowly revealed a subterranean world, they felt like intruders to a foreign realm. Deeper into the cave they heard a river somewhere, and after walking and crawling through a tunnel they began to find spear shafts, and a long while later they froze as they found a long dead corpse, now reduced to bones. Faro couldn’t help but pray to the old gods, the gods of his grandfather. Hear me Gods of the dark Gods the deep Don’t let it rise Keep it bound France Francois put in another hook as he lowered himself deeper into the cave behind his friend when suddenly an outcrop came up from the dark and he banged his knee on it. “Gods below” he cursed, and his friend chuckled.
---------------------------------------------------------- Gods of the dark Gods of the deep Memories misbegotten Gods of the dark Gods of the deep Naught but a curse Gods of the dark Gods of the deep Long forgotten

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    I really enjoyed this. Quite a good concept and presentation. I do think, however, you could have added a bit more to the prose sections and fleshed them out a bit.