First Time

Story written by kedarmodak on Sunday 12, May 2019

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Boy meets girl type of a thingy

Overall Rating: Not Rated

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Year 2029 Ayush is in his bedroom. It’s a Sunday evening and he and his wife are heading out. He is texting his boss, Vatsal Ayush: Good Evening Boss, I would be coming to the office late tomorrow Vatsal: Why? Ayush: Heading for a reunion party. Might get in all-sorts-of-trouble later in the night Wink Vatsal: It’s cute that you call your wife ‘all-sorts-of-trouble’. Ayush: What? Vatsal: This message was deleted Vatsal: Nothing. Be in office by noon. Ayush is bored at irritated at Vatsal’s attitude, that’s when his driver shouts that the car is ready to go……he replies to the Driver “OK BOSS” Ayush: Haa na Bhosadike Vatsal: WHAT? Ayush: Fuck, wrong window. Sorry Ayush: This message was deleted Vatsal: Too late, Screenshot saved. Yehi reply karunga tereko ab jab bhi kuch approve karne bhejega Ayush wears his coat and gets in the car with his wife and the driver and they head to the restaurant His eyes light up when he gets there, that place reminds him of something and he gets as excited as 3 year old kids do when they see Santa He cannot stop grinning, as his body charges up and that’s when he turns back to his wife and she say “Remember our… TITLE: First Time Flashback – CUT TO December, 2018 Ayush is on a tinder date at the same restaurant from the opening scene, he is having a smoke in the room while nervously waiting for the girl to show up for he has had few bad experiences CUT TO previous tinder date Same clothes, Ayush smoking a cigarette, the girl comes in the smoking room, has a cigarette with him, tells him this won’t work and leaves. End of Date. Back to December, 2018 date Riya walks in while Ayush is smoking and sits down at the table. Ayush cans the cigarette and walks up to the table greets her and sits down Riya – It’s so weird to finally meet after months of texting na Ayush – Yeah it is. Weird how I know the size of your bra for the past 2 months but got to know your height just today Riya – What? Ayush – What? Riya – Let’s order? Ayush – Sure……You’re a vegetarian right? Riya – No, I am a Vegan Ayush – Same thing Riya – No it’s not Ayush – Really? Riya – (Finishes texting someone) Yes, vegans don’t eat milk based products Ayush – Wow I did not know that… Ayush calls the waiter and asks him to cancel the order for The Chef’s special, but the waiter says that the food is being prepared Riya – What just happened? Ayush – So I was trying to be romantic, so I had ordered The Chef’s Special which has some cheese and a glass of wine for you Waiter – Didn’t you say a bottle? Ayush – What? Riya – What? Waiter – Here’s the bottle…… (Quickly opens it so it won’t be returned) Ayush – Well, how much do you pay for an hour of dishwashing? Waiter – 20 bucks Ayush – (Does math in his head) Well then I think I’m gonna graduate a year later cause I’d spend one year here washing dishes Riya gets a call saying there is an emergency so she is planning to leave Ayush – Are you serious? You think I’m gonna fall for the oldest trick in the book for getting out of a date? Screw you. We’ll split it. Riya – All I had was the glass of water………but more importantly I really have to go. Gives Ayush her number Riya – Call me later and we’ll reschedule okay? Ayush – Yeah fine whatever Riya leaves and pays the entire bill before leaving, much to Ayush’s surprise Ayush is about to leave with the bottle of wine when he turns and sees the most beautiful woman sitting on a table; sad, alone and teary eyed…… (It’s the same table that he is looking at in the 2029 year party, after looking at which he could not stop smiling) Ayush walks up to her Ayush – I know the pain… Priyanka (Pri) – Excuse me? Ayush – Of being stood up Pri – Huh Ayush – By someone infinitely hotter than you Pri – Unrealistic Ayush – Are you worried that your date came, had a look at you and left Pri – That is impossible Ayush – And yet possible. Happened with me twice Pri – And that’s why you invited yourself to my table? Ayush – No I thought, you could use a Chef’s Special Pri – No, my mother warned me about taking food from strangers Ayush – So then no Zomato, Foodpanda, Uber Eats, Swiggy or pizza delivery for you…wow Pri – Umm, Ayush – I just had ordered this for my date who left (action of air quotes) Due to an emergency Pri – Ohhhh so you are the miserable stood up guy I didn’t wanna meet Ayush – Hells to the yeah. And I have a Chef’s special for you Pri – Why? Ayush – I had ordered it for my date anyway, but she left and you looked…… Pri – Like a damsel in distress? So you’re my (air quotes) prince now? Ayush – I was gonna say hungry, but lets go with that Pri – It’s very sweet of you to offer Ayush – Already set the plates. Pri – Oh so what is happening? Ayush – I invited myself over cause others usually don’t Pri – I bet you do a lot of others thing on your own Ayush – What? Pri – The food is here…… Ayush – Yeah it is……I’ll walk away if and when your guy shows up, even leave the food on the table Pri – That’s generous Ayush – That’s the part of the charm. So you okay? Cause consent is important and all Pri looks at her phone, swipes some screens, types something and says Pri – Only if the bottle stays here Ayush – C’mon, I was gonna take that home and impress some floozy? Cause somehow texting I ace, but meet ups, I don’t… Pri – And impressing me is not on your mind? Ayush – No cause, 1 – You are waiting for a dude and 2 – I already got you a free meal……I ration my impressive stunts carefully. Cannot waste 2 on you when I know there is no chance Pri – And if you did have the chance? Ayush – Then 2 impressive stunts would be like logic in the twilight series Pri – As in ‘very little and desperately more of that needed’ Ayush – Hey, you got that reference, so you are the (high pitched voice) Beauty with the Brains Pri – The reasons why people prefer you on text and not in person are getting clearer Ayush – What? Pri – 1 – The stupid voice, 2- The lame catchphrase and 3 – Oversharing Ayush – Oversharing? Really? I guess no more Chef’s special for you Pri – You told me that you are better at text but not in person…who says that to a complete stranger Ayush – I do that when I am high Pri – You haven’t even opened the bottle yet Ayush – Your beauty is enough for me to get high Pri – DUDE, you gotta stop with the lame one liners. This isn’t a B-Grade movie from the 90s Ayush – Oh so this is now a tutorial for me? First dates 101? Pri – No, I didn’t say that Ayush – Please let it be? Pri – Okay but we gonna need some drinks, cause I am a nice person, I need alcohol to be judgmental and to drop the (high pitched voice) Truth Bombs Ayush – Yeah that high pitch voice does suck Pri – So let’s open the bottle Ayush – NUOPE. Waiter, get us your reasonably priced wine Waiter – Sir, no offense but our reasonably priced wine is 6000 bucks Ayush – Then get me your most 1000-3000 bucks priced wine Waiter – Gotcha Meanwhile Pri is texting on the phone and surfing through some random stuff Ayush – Prepare for your best pretend-date ever Pri – Wow, 1k to 3k for the wine, you are pulling out all the tiny water guns…… Ayush – The date hasn’t started yet though Pri – It started the minute you came up to the table and said ‘I know the pain’ Ayush – That has to be the weirdest opening line ever… Pri – Yeah. See, 20 mins with me and you are already smart enough to know what a weird opening line is Ayush – Yupsies Pri – Also, stop using stupid words like Yupsies Ayush – Smort advice Pri – That too Ayush – OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKAYYYYYYYYY Pri – … Ayush – That too……I get it Pri – Ok then. I was just going through the net and I found this list of 50 questions that you should as on a first date Ayush – Lets practice 5 of them because by then my date leaves due to an emergency or gets drunk or doesn’t show up Pri – We’re gonna practice all 50 cause the next time you have an awesome date, and yes it will be awesome, 50 questions wouldn’t be enough Ayush – All right then, let’s hit it Pri – 1. If you could hop on a plane right now, where would you go? Ayush – While looking at his phone, Pakistan Pri – Really? Ayush – Yeah I just got an inshorts notification that their parliament house was bombed Pri – So? Ayush – I’m sure the place would be (high pitched voice) LIT AF Pri – No high pitch and stop using ‘AF’ IRL…… Ayush – In Real Life………I see what you did there, effective. Noice Pri – 2. What’s something I wouldn’t guess about you? Ayush – I’m a cop and a bad liar Pri – Wow Ayush – You believed that? Pri – Kinda Ayush – Well I guess I am a good liar then Pri – What? Ayush – Next question Pri – You have to answer genuinely, being funny is cool but being a clown is not Ayush – *mimics a clown* OK Pri – 3. What sort of things make you laugh out loud? Ayush – The Office, Parks and Rec, Brooklyn 9-9, that kinda stuff Pri – Nice. Haven’t seen Brooklyn 9-9, the other two are awesome tho Ayush – You should watch B99 cause its awesomesauce Pri – Oh Andy Both laugh Montage of them drinking and talking and laughing……… Pri – 15. What’s your favorite dish to cook? Ayush – You know me well enough, guess? Pri – I wanna say maggi but you’re too lazy so I think Breakfast cereal? Ayush – Nooo. I am an excellent cook. You should eat my French toasts. Pri – I’d love to try. Should I bump up my insurance first? And have a medical team ready to assist? Cause I know some doctors who would be willing to do that for me Ayush – Low Blow . . . . . Pri – 18. What did you do last weekend? Montage of Ayush pleasuring himself, getting drunk with friends, texting his tinder dates to meet n bang, throwing up on the stairway to his house and crying to sleep Ayush – Nothing. Just TV and stuff Pri – I doubt that. Ayush – Aww, you don’t trust me already. Pri – A lawyer doesn’t trust anybody without the evidence Ayush – A lawyer, wow. Impressive Pri – You’re a cop. A doughnut impresses you, this must have numbed your mind. Ayush – *mimics a brain freeze* N……O……P……E Pri – 19. What kind of books do you like to read? Ayush – Well, Pri – Let me answer. I’m gonna say the manuals and imdb bios cause movies rock and books are for stupid peeps right? Ayush – *pretends to call home* Maa, bahu mil gayi Pri - *bows down and pretends to acknowledge the appreciation* . . . Pri – 24. What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Ayush – This pretend-date Pri – It’s fun right……and also a good opportunity for you to learn right Ayush – That’s what she said Pri – What? Ayush – My 8th standard math teacher made the lectures into ppt and said that exact same thing The ordered bottle of wine, the food and the questions are all about to be done Ayush quickly opens the expensive wine bottle and pours wine in Pri and his glass Pri – So you decided to bring out the big guns. NOICE Ayush – Hey…that’s my phrase Pri – Well there isn’t any restriction on me not using it neither do you have a patent and even if you did, you did not show it to me before using the phrase so I think I’m good. Sue me if you want to Ayush – Wow, you’re good. Pri – They don’t call me the 4th best lawyer of the 2015 batch of lawyers, in my office for no reason Ayush – Worrrrd. Pri – What? Ayush – I am so drunk. Pri – A cop who doesn’t have a high tolerance for alcohol. Life’s gonna be a challenge buddy. Ayush – Well then I should get your number in case I get in all-sorts-of-trouble in the future Pri – Smoothly done sire. If I were on a date, I would be giving you my number among other thing right now Ayush- Oh well, since this is a pretend-date, I can pretend-ask you for the number and you can pretend-give me your number so that when the time is right I can pretend call you to have a pretend second date? Pri – Ayush… Ayush – Priyanka… CUT TO PARTY in 2029 Ayush turns back after his wife calls him and says “Remember our First Time” Ayush – Of course I remember it darling. How can I forget? This is where I fell in love for the first time in my life… Ayush – Honestly. And also I got to know that you were a vegan and I got to know the difference between a vegetarian and a vegan and I had one of the best wines gifted to me. Riya – Oh honey, you are so romantic. I can’t even think of you as a cop that intimidates those criminals Ayush – You say that every morning when I make you the French Toasts. Riya – I love you Ayush - #MeToo Riya – That never gets old. Riya gets a call, there is an emergency and she has to leave. Riya – I have to go. I’m sorry. I’ll get home and make it up to you I promise. Ayush – This place has a history that repeats doesn’t it sweety. Riya – Yeah well, that night I left early for sure. Later at that night though, at my place, you didn’t come for hours……IYKWIM *winks at Ayush* It was our First Time Ayush – Yes it was. Riya leaves, Ayush walks her up to the door and returns to the restaurant and glances at the table where met Pri and to his surprise it’s Pri sitting there; sad, alone and teary eyed…… Ayush walks up to the table, she turns and looks at him, their faces lighten up immediately and they can’t stop smiling… We gradually zoom out of the image of the two of them smiling and we fade to black with the following words in big white font TO BE CONTINUED

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    So very interesting. Now, the grammar is atrocious, sentence structure terrible, no imagery per se, and I think the characters are wacko.

    It is a perfect representation of our smart phone, text and chat society. Good job.