Your mind moves on - Short story

Story written by LivingSurviving on Thursday 14, March 2019

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Description
A view from a mind filled with reckless anxiety and slight hallucinations told in the 2nd person point of view. I haven't written anything in a few years and it's my first submission on this site so I'm a bit out of it. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

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“You seem stressed. Are you ok? Answer me!” But you can’t. Your lips can’t move and you only nod your head. Of course you’re ok. What could ever be wrong? ...Who said that anyway? Was it a thought? You look around and nobody is here. Only the echo of a feeling in your mind. A sentence said in that quiet voice you read things in. But your mind isn’t here. It’s everywhere. It’s already moves on. Who are you? These questions buzz by like a bee on strict orders. Flying, looking, searching for a feeling or memory to latch onto. You were stung by a bee once. Ouch. Your hand hurts. You look down at your palm but nothing is there. You see a bee crawl from between your fingers and squeeze your hand into a fist. Nothing. Where did it go? Did you kill it? Murderer! Kill it! But your mind moved on already. The sun feels warm. It’s refreshing. You feel the gentle light seep into every empty pore of your body. You feel warm. You feel light. And then it is gone. Back to nothing. The warmth is ripped from your skin. You fall, crumple under the weight of nobody cares. I’m so alone. Your mind moves on. Stop it, go back. What were you thinking? You feel like you were starting to understand. But it’s gone. Back to square one. One thought. Thoughts of… What was it? You feel like you know what it is. It’s right there. It’s here. Just reach out and grab it. You reach for the thoughts you thought you had. It glides through your fingers like water. Stickier than water. Thoughts like honey. Slowly pour from your wandering mind and cling to your attention until your hands feel heavy and numb. You look back and reread your thoughts, but it’s nothing you’ve thought before. What are you looking for? There’s nothing here. Move on. You’re scared. What was that out of the corner of your eye? Nothing. Nothing? Something? Why is there nothing here. You look and see nothing. There it is again. You turn and look. A cat. Are you real, cat? It’s gone. Everything is gone… It’s really dark. Are you blind? No. Of course not. There is light but you can’t see. You’re scared again. Something is there. Something is there but you can’t see. What is it? What will it do to you? What could it do to you? Anything? Maybe. You don’t know. Your mind moves on. ...But what if there was something? What if there is nothing? But what if it gets you? No, that’s childish. Stop being childish. So naive. So innocent. So young. You’ll never know. It’s there again. But it’s not. Your heart pounds in your chest. Stop it. You can’t hear anything. You can’t see. You can’t hear. You can’t breathe. Stop it. Stop it. Please. Stop. But it doesn’t. Bees buzz in your ear and the wind howls through your mind, spinning it until your thoughts become a jumbled mess. Shut up! Your mind moves on. It’s… quiet. You can hear. Birds. Wind. Gentle wind. Wind that wraps you up and hugs you tight. Wind that flows through your hair and rustles your clothes. Wind that says, “Come here. It will be ok. Let me hold you.” Why are your eyes closed? Open them. The sun is out, I promise. I swear, you can feel the warmth on your skin again. It’s so inviting. You never want it to end. And you open your eyes. Where are you? You are here, but where is here? It’s… peaceful. Tall grass flows with the wind around your legs. The sun shines down with its warmth. The birds sing. You walk. You can’t stop walking. Don’t think about it. Enjoy the sun. Enjoy the peace of your mind. The piece of your mind that says it’ll be ok. Why can’t things stay like this? You know why it happens, but you don’t understand. Things change Your mind moves on. Wait, why? Why do things change? What was you thinking before? What made it ok? You was ok. You was ok? When? Why? Do it again. You hold your skull as the echo of happiness bounces off the walls of the cave you are losing yourself in. The cave where light is only a reminder that if you keep walking, the tunnel will end someday. Your legs hurt. You realize you never stopped walking. You are still walking. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Time slows down, but you never stop. You’re tired. You look forward but can’t see through the fog of missing pieces clouding your vision. Your ears ring. Your body aches. Your stomach twists. Are you sick? No, you’re healthy. You’re very healthy. Why do you feel this way? Why do you ask so many questions? What do you have against living? Nothing. Nothing is always here. Is nothing what you were thinking about? Is nothing the answer. No. Maybe? You don’t know. Your mind moves on.
   

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Comments

    Interesting. Sort of a very dark presentation of the Buddhist philosophy, albeit Buddhism is more optimistic, whereas this story had a very deep and dark hopelessness to it.

    Nicely done. Please contribute more.