If I Don't Return Tomorrow

Poem written by Lonelyhearts1224 on Monday 4, February 2019

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A deserted mom's warning!

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IF I don't return tomorrow, don't you worry nil for me My provider's role has ended so there really isn't need If from work I've not arrived yet, maybe, this was meant to be Circumstances might delay me; duties that I must complete Mere suggestions, cause great discourse And critiques more so, it seems My decisions, boldly questioned And my warning you don't heed When my voice's reward are echoes Or my advice you do not seek When my absence isn't noticed or my presence goes unseen As a stranger, I'am greeted Once, participated goals have ceased When my efforts find resistance Or my actions yield defeat If you don't hear me when calling and that phone rings endlessly There's no point for me in rushing My attendance is obsolete If my eyes don't see tomorrow, don't you shed a tear for me My earth's dues and debts are paid up 'Tis why God now beckons me written on: June 1, 2017

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    There are a couple of good rhyming and metered moments in this one.
    Some of the punctuation confused me
    " ; so," in the 2nd line for example... And later double "!!"
    But thanks for sharing.
    This sounds like a suicide note - real or intended for effect. Glad it's from a year and a half ago & you're still around posting.

    role 'as ended; so, there Really {not seen 'as for "has" / unusual capitalization -- maybe for effect? }
    reward are echoes {for S.E. use "is" not "are" since "reward" is singular -- P.E. usage seems to vary}
    absence isn't notice {"noticed" maybe?}
    I'am greeted {"I'm" or "I am" -- the latter reads better aloud to me}
    The punctuation confuses me also, and too many random capitalizations kill any effect. Not sure where Mike found the rhymes but they escaped me (I know, I know: rhymes are only for fossils and deviants).
    Although other rhythms sometimes work, "stressed, unstressed syllable; repeat" always seems more satisfying to me. 2 sequential unstressed are only mildly disruptive, but stressed stressed really grates.

    The message came through strongly to me, if somewhat over-long: hope the target gets it someday.
    Write on.
    Lovely. One thing: "When my absence isn't notice" I think you need "noticed" here.