If I Don't Return Tomorrow

Poem written by Lonelyhearts1224 on Monday 4, February 2019

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Description
A deserted mom's warning!

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IF I don't return tomorrow; don't you worry nil for me. My provider's role has ended, when no more of me you'll need. If from work I've not arrived yet, maybe this was meant to be. Circumstances might delay me; duties that I must complete. Mere suggestions, cause great discourse; and critiques more so, it seems. My decisions, boldly questioned; and my warnings you don't heed. When my voice greets only echoes; or my counsel you don't seek. When my absence isn't noticed. or my presence goes unseen. When I'm greeted like a stranger; once participated goals have ceased. All my efforts find resistance, and my actions yield defeat. If you don't hear me when calling, and the phone rings endlessly. There's no point for me in rushing; My attendance is obsolete. If my eyes don't see tomorrow, don't you shed a tear for me. My earth's dues and debts are paid up; 'Tis why God, now beckons me. written on: June 1, 2017
   

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Comments

    There are a couple of good rhyming and metered moments in this one.
    Some of the punctuation confused me
    " ; so," in the 2nd line for example... And later double "!!"
    But thanks for sharing.
    This sounds like a suicide note - real or intended for effect. Glad it's from a year and a half ago & you're still around posting.

    role 'as ended; so, there Really {not seen 'as for "has" / unusual capitalization -- maybe for effect? }
    reward are echoes {for S.E. use "is" not "are" since "reward" is singular -- P.E. usage seems to vary}
    absence isn't notice {"noticed" maybe?}
    I'am greeted {"I'm" or "I am" -- the latter reads better aloud to me}
    The punctuation confuses me also, and too many random capitalizations kill any effect. Not sure where Mike found the rhymes but they escaped me (I know, I know: rhymes are only for fossils and deviants).
    Although other rhythms sometimes work, "stressed, unstressed syllable; repeat" always seems more satisfying to me. 2 sequential unstressed are only mildly disruptive, but stressed stressed really grates.

    The message came through strongly to me, if somewhat over-long: hope the target gets it someday.
    Write on.
    Lovely. One thing: "When my absence isn't notice" I think you need "noticed" here.