The Den of Amateur Writing

Old plant saucer

Poem written by Greg on Friday 1, February 2019

Description

This was a test i gave myself, to write a poem about something at work in only 15 minutes. Almost no editing.

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On the corner of my desk, Dust covered and unused Unassuming... yet now With my deepest attention, Sits a saucer for a plant, no longer with need. What life have you held in your arms? Outspread in service, The burden is lessened By the rewarding engines of life That churn in your lap. A plastic creation, Do you yearn to once more Be returned to the land As the oil you had been? Lying twisted with soil among Her microorganism ballet Beneath the sun and cool, damp earth Covered, still unassuming

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Comments

AlexScribe

Welcome to the Den, Greg. My standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, Wilde, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose. When reading a poem, you should almost hear the music that would make it a song. And, while poetic license allows some deviations from proper language, there are limits. The term “free verse” is an oxymoron: verse implies form, format, and pattern; free just the opposite. “Free verse” is just a euphemism for prose that ignores the rules of syntax. While such writing can be as excellent, effective, and meaningful as any other, the term is frequently just an excuse for poor writing.

Aloud, the first stanza has rhythm; the rest not so much. More attention needed on stressed & unstressed syllables. Last 3 lines lost me. Hard to get excited about a saucer, but that's just me. Write on.

Commented 02/02/2019 05:15

Greg

Thanks for the feedback Alex. I broke my rule and rewrote some parts.. no longer a 15 minute poem.

Commented 02/02/2019 21:41

AlexScribe

Ooops! Sorry, Greg. For some reason I failed to recognize your name & presumed you were new here. However, there was something familiar in the style that made me go back and check your profile. And there were all the poems I remembered! It's no excuse, but lately it seems many the user names have been unusually long (e.g. HannahsSuicidalThoughts, Smipple Rumpskin, TabbyKatt94, Anushka Srivastana [I usually refer to members by the first 4 or 5 letters of the name, but I'm not touching that one!]) and yours just slipped by me. Apologies and Mea Culpas. At least know you have a style -- so many don't. Write on.

PS Never 2 sequential dots: 1 = period, 3 = ellipsis, 4 = period then ellipsis (I can't help myself)

Commented 05/02/2019 20:19