Me Against the World

Poem written by Frozen Darkness on Thursday 31, January 2019

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Description
A poem I wrote a long time ago about the feelings I was going through during a very dark point in my life. It's ultimate message still resonates with me til this day and I hope you all enjoy!

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Empty and alone, without a path to follow Broken without a home, within this pain I wallow Blind and discontented, yet, tethered to this world Silent sufferings shrieking for a solution to unfurl Indecisions racing freely through my cold and dusty mind Regrets constantly eating pieces of my heart all the time Shouting for forgiveness for a crime that isn't mine Never ceasing screaming at deaf ears and blind eyes Tears are overflowing and drenching my frozen being I know of no one else that's taken such a beating I wish to surrender and lay dead upon my bed I just seem to keep on going- thoughts of failure foreign to my head So, I will break and stumble- get beaten and will bruise In the end, there is one victor.. I won't be the one to lose!
   

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Comments

    Welcome to the Den, Froz. OK, so this is my admittedly dinosaur idea of a poem: rhythm (sometimes), rhymes (mostly). Read aloud the rhythm is a little rough in s.3 & on; the rhymes not bad except s.4 (maybe the word order got transposed from "ears deaf and eyes blind" ?).
    "til" is not an accepted spelling of "till" meaning until; " 'til " is only marginally better.
    Only 1, 3, or 4 sequential dots OK: 1 = period, 3 = ellipsis, 4 = ellipsis followed by period.
    Not bad; with a little work, maybe quite good. Hope you've moved on from the dark, or at least grown to appreciate it. Write on.
    Very nicely done. I like the fact that you end on an upbeat note.
    Love it , very deeply felt, I can tell this is not your First piece awesome.