The betrayal of my mind.

Poem written by Gemma beveridge on Monday 28, January 2019

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What do you do when you are stuck in your own mind? Filled with anger and regret? Write it down of course!

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You Left me with this anger, you upped and walked away. There’s so much still in my head you know, things I need to say. people tell me it’s not worth it, they say “just let it go” but they see things from the outside and there are things that they don’t know. From the outside it always seems black-and-white. you are either best friends or you’re in a fight. Well the outsiders weren’t close enough, to read between the lines So how could they understand. The soft words spoken at night time, the way you tickled my hand?! The moments only we shared, and all the gestures grand! You allowed me to think you were my protector, the one to help me through, but now I see the one you were protecting, the only one was you. Now I’m not a silly person, we’re are all human this I know, But I’m left wondering if it was ever real, or was it all for show? Maybe I was just a stop gap between where you really wanted to be. I understand that people change, but why so suddenly? From the beginning you said I was crazy, that it was all in my head. when in actual fact I was right all along, you just didn’t use a bed. Do you understand what that did to me and do you even care? I went against my gut feeling for so long, “it can’t be true”I thought, I must be wrong! you explained away the little things, all the signs that made me wonder, and all the time I didn’t know, your thumb I was under. How could you not notice? I wasn’t lazy I was depressed the weeks I spent alone in bed I was hardly ever dressed! I cried a lot and asked for help, you didn’t seem to care, This I did not understand because for you I was always there. The physical things I can forgive, but not the betrayal of my mind. I looked at you so lovingly, I knew you to be gentle and kind. I can’t even take the good with me now, you’ve marred it all in my mind! And I think that makes it harder, to have to leave it ALL behind. because you’ve left me feeling broken and I’m finding it hard to let go, let go of all the anger, it’s all I’ve got to show. I thought we were forever, I gave you all of my heart, only for you to break it and then dissapear for your fresh start. At some point I know I’ll be okay, for I am stronger than you think, I will not let the anger takeover, or pull me down until I sink. So I’ll say the things I want to say! I’ll let the anger out! but instead of saying them to your face, I’ll just write them down. Expressing my mind on paper, is much better than telling you. I don’t even think you would hear me now, because you’re off fooling someone new.
   

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