Wrong Choice : Prologue

Story written by Yuu Ventura on Saturday 26, January 2019

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Description
The story of two girls showing their affection towards each other. Hardships, Struggle, Happiness and other events awaits their life, As the story progress, The Story of Faye and Shannen shows the hard life of having a relationship together.

Overall Rating: 48%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 48% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:60%
Imagery:50%
Spelling & Grammar:35%
Flow/Rhythm:35%
Vocabulary:60%
"What does it feel to have a normal boyfriend?" Is the question that always crossed my mind. Does it feel any different at all? Being a teen, It seems that it's not that troublesome at all, i mean... I'm still young aren't I? It's not that difficult to live... And trouble seems to be avoiding me anyway, Right...? How i wish that i still feel the warmth that he left me, Right..? Dad? Do i want to continue this? I mean this - this relationship That i'm having with her? I know that we're both girls but, There's no harm to it right? It's "Love" isn't it...? "Is that alright Faye? Having that relationship with someone your own sex i mean" Is the question they always ask me, when they ask about it anyway. It's not normal - I know that much at the very least... But "Have you ever been held by the one that you love?" If no, then you wouldn't understand it. "But that simple question won't hold me down. I don't care what it is, She may be a girl - but that won't hold me back. I love her, isn't that what's important?... Right" "As the story goes on, the obstacles begins to form in their path. Would that hold them back? Or continue and fight their way through?"
   

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Comments

    Good effort. Expresses well the conflicting thoughts of young girl over sexual identity. Looking forward to more of the story.
    Welcome to the Den, Yuu. Ditto on the other comments.
    ... boyfriend?" Is the... {"is" lower case, otherwise 2nd part is an incomplete sentence}
    {the pronoun "I" should always be capitalized unless your name is e.e. cummings}
    Right..? ... relationship That... {only always-capitalized words capitalized mid-sentence}
    ... alright Faye? {needs a comma after "alright" which is not yet a word in formal work}

    Only 1, 3, or 4 sequential dots OK: 1 = period, 3 = ellipsis, 4 = ellipsis followed by period.
    The ellipsis is useful & dramatic punctuation but loses impact when overused.

    Basically quite well written and effective. Impressive for a beginner. Write on.
    Interesting. I would shorten this and clean it up, make it a more clear that we are peeking into one girl's mind.

    Please continue.