Smile pretty

Poem written by Noeyrocks on Thursday 6, December 2018

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Old school thinking that women should be seen and not heard

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I know you want me to shut the fuck up Cut me off and not have a opinion I try to stop myself from being My vocal self my very essence Grab some some tape and have some fun Wrap it around my so called tongue That will give you some peace of mind At least for a minute while you unwind I’ll spare you my rants and my thoughts How silly of me to think so much Why speak up I only complain Nothing I say has any weight Smile pretty and behave like the rest Look good be quiet and don’t protest All is well as long as you Do as I say and don’t be brave Clean do dishes and act like you’re fine Ignore those voices that tell you otherwise You are the thing that I contain Into this box this square this frame It’s all I know and what I expect A learning curve and I suggest Get use to being treated this way Feel lucky feel privileged And don’t walk away I hold this over you I confess But what can you do except, accept? This is the way that things are done Don’t make waves or trouble my dear Just go along with what you hear If I keep you silent everybody wins And that is what keeps me, me and you with them If I hold you down then I succeed Which benefits us all as you will see What’s good for me is good for me So sit and be good and of course smile pretty

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    Hello back at you and welcome to the Den, Noey. My standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, Wilde, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose. When reading a poem, you should almost hear the music that would make it a song. And, while poetic license allows some deviations from proper language, there are limits. Keep my dinosaur views in mind when considering my comments.
    Punctuation, while frequently erratic in modern 'poetry' is still necessary to clarify and smooth the flow.
    A large handful of commas and a couple of periods and other marks would help.
    Shift from 1st person narrator to her partner's direct quotes would be clearer if the latter were in "..."
    Read aloud, there are some rough spots but relatively few.
    The message comes through. I've heard there are women of this ilk but fortunately, I've never had to interact with any. Not my kind of poem in form, but that's probably a complement these days.
    Put some punctuation in this writing and you have some song lyrics, I believe.Cool
    Love it; bold and straight, good rhythm, nice! Winkright]