Nobody's Empire

Stage Play written by UsernamesAreForWeaklings on Sunday 25, November 2018

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"One day I'm gonna make it out of here, just you wait," She took another sip of her soda, "I'll find a place in the village just out of town and settle, be a writer or some shit. Find a cottage and live in peace, away from the bastards that make mine and yours and Otis's and Hayley's lives all hell,"

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Mila walks on and sits on a roof. It's windy up there and she almost slips before seating MILA (narrating): That is Mila Davis-Natanna. I know right? She's a crazy bitch, isn't she? Cut to Mila warming milk in a pan. She bends over to pick something up and shrieks when she sees that the milk has boiled over the edge MILA (still narrating): Yeah, well, that crazy-ass bitch is me, in all my non-existent glory. Mila is now lying on her bed, recording her diary on her ancient recorder MILA (speaking live):You can just see the I've-Got-My-Life-Together ness ebbing from my being, can't you?. She chuckles dryly You know, I've got half a mind to become Buddhist, the happy bastards. They got their shit together, I should really get in on that. Now Mila is sipping a drink at a club whilst standing awkwardly near the bar MILA (narrating again): I hate my name, you know. It's just so... sickly, and people keep pronouncing it wrong. I wish I could have chosen it. Mila puts her coat on and leaves the club. It's cold and quiet outside, so she finds a place to sit and have a smoke MILA (still narrating): It's funny, isn't it? We carry names around for our entire lives and yet we never even decided on them. She puts down her lighter and stubs her cigarette out MILA (speaking live): So, how are you? I know you're there, you're everywhere. she pauses Is it nice being in control? Knowing that you still have me under your fucking thumb after all these years?! Knowing that you of all people managed to fuck me up! She stands up, shouting now IS IT? TELL ME! She sits down again and gets another smoke MILA (hanging her head): You win. You win

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    Welcome, ye of the wimpy user name "User..." ("User" hereinafter).
    I sense a kernel of a good idea here amidst the bad and missing punctuation.
    There are special format requirements for plays which you should review if you intend to go further than the Den with this or any other play. Failure to adhere usually results in rejection regardless of merit. The only one I recall offhand is that the first mention of a character is always upper case and generally following mentions are not.

    'Mila walks on and sits on a roof.' confusing: "Walks on" can have 2 meanings in a play; omitting the first "on" would eliminate the confusion. Also a play would require some introduction to the scene: Curtain opens with a girl [I presume] on the tiled roof of a small house.
    '... non-existent...' "nonexistent" is preferred on both sides of the pond now.
    '... before seating' verb seating is transitive & requires object: "sitting" or "seating herself" there should also be terminating punctuation.
    '... their shit together, I should...' comma splice: use ; or maybe :

    Study play writing rules and format, then edit. Then edit again. Write on.
    I'm old, but I really cannot see where this is going. Can you help me out?